September 2020 - Dale Darley

Archive Monthly Archives: September 2020

Meeting Yourself Where You Are

It’s Sunday afternoon as I sit to write this. So far today I have walked my dogs three times. I confess to not wanting to go out so often sometimes, but I am always grateful for the air and time to think. Also, today I have been making workbooks for an up and coming program. Creation and being creative is something I adore. Going for the walks lets the processes fall into place. It’s all quite magical.

There’s a cake that wants to be made. A chocolate cake – but I am lacking the requisite enthusiasm. In fact, my enthusiasm has deserted me these last few days, and I have found that I have had to push myself to get things done.

Take yesterday, I was due to renew my online art class, and I kept thinking I can’t be bothered and what’s the point and even worse I should be cleaning up. With just an hour to go, I told myself to get over me, pay and go. But I wailed to no one, in particular, what shall I paint?

Just days before I was looking at a friends art and one picture came to mind in this moment. I went in search of a picture of a fertility goddess and was pleased to find a statue to use. My inspiration returned.

A few hours later it was half done and I was pleased that I’d made the effort.

It’s easy to give up isn’t? Especially right now when we no longer have the external freedoms that we once did. I’m certainly missing my girly lunches at the coast. Though I confess a friend did make me lunch last week, and we sat looking out onto the most spectacular mountains.

All of this made me think of how can we find a space for inner peace and meet yourself where you are?


Awareness gives you choices and understanding. When I bring attention to my body, I can hear her speaking to me, and it gives me clues about what to do next.

I use a model called the heart connection model, it started off as something I had printed off and would use either with a pendulum or use my intuition to know where to go. Now I ‘see’ the model inside of me. Each day I ask what do I need to know and I am guided to a colour and energy centre (chakra).

This super awareness of what my heart wants to tell me gives me clues about what I need to know, and I can ponder on how the messages can support me through the day. I find keywords come to me, and I turn these into questions and affirmations.

This means that every day I can let my intuition guide my awareness and push or pull me in the direction I need to go.

While I ponder I also let me awareness drift to my breathing. That’s a sure sign of what is going on.

To do: Stop what you are doing and simply notice your breath. What do you learn from this observation? And when you notice your breath and take it around your body – what else do you learn?

Where am I?

This is about taking a 360 degree view of my life via a set of life areas.

  • Health and wellbeing 
  • Learning 
  • Financial 
  • Heart and spirit 
  • Experiences 
  • Mental/emotional 
  • Love/Partner 
  • Family 
  • Friends 
  • Mission/Vision 

Within these I have a set of questions and I use a wheel of fortune – similar to a wheel of life – but called fortune as I like the idea that we are in control of our fortune/fate.

To do: This is one for your journal. Put a stake in the ground and look around. This may seem very simple, but it is, in fact, very powerful and may bring up all kinds of feelings. You must look around you and take it all in. Use the life areas to guide you. Acknowledge that this is where you find yourself. Describe where you find yourself. Consider how this feels. What do you see and what do you know about this place? 

What do I want to create?

I ask this of everyone I work with. What do you want to create could be here and now – the short term. Or sometime in the future – a timeframe that you want to choose. Some people think that this could be their legacy and it could, but in reality, your legacy is what other people value about what you leave behind, not what you think they will get.

Asking this question starts the envisioning process. It’s about what you think is possible without the confines of your I can’t language. Creation gives us the big picture and then you can come back to where you are and have an idea of what your next aligned step is.

To do: Ask what do I want to create? Put pen to paper, start with the mundane and allow the magic to flow.

How do you feel?

Meeting yourself where you are is connecting to your emotions and feelings in this moment. Do you feel angry, helpless, trapped or joyful, or light and with a sense of inner peace? I know that the people I am talking to swing between the good and the not so good almost within the same minute.

I think it’s important to sit with your feelings and notice (become aware) of what they are saying to you and why?

When you look at yourself without judgement and merely observe it is incredibly powerful. This is not the time to fix you, it’s the time to notice.

Fixing, slaying or healing can come later. I, of course, prefer to heal, rather than take a hammer to them and fix them up against the good feelings wall and declare triumphantly ha got you!

To do: Stop for a moment and write in your journal the emotion you feel and what you observe about it.

Tap into joyful moments

Even in my darkest moments, something happens to make me laugh. It’s usually one of the dogs. Perhaps I’ll be chewing my food and not paying attention and Angel decides that mmm she’d like some of that and since I wasn’t paying attention it might as well be hers. I laugh, every time she does something because she is sweet, funny and loving. Then there are the farts (usually Marley) when you are meditating – yes I do laugh.

To do: Remember to laugh at the small things. Let moments of joy seep in.

Be patient

Oh this one has caught me so many times. I find myself wanting the yuk to be over with NOW. What I have learned is things always get better and to be kind to myself. Journaling, eating cake (not all of it) and walking with the dogs always lift my mood.

I remind myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day. And that all I have to do is one thing that moves me in the direction that I want to go in. When I look back in my journal, I can see just how far I have come and that’s reason to celebrate – isn’t it.

Let go of what doesn’t serve you. What might seem important right now, often doesn’t the following day.

To do: Write in your journal and then occasionally take time to reflect. Remember to celebrate how much you have grown. Also give yourself permission to focus on what’s important.

Start where you are. Utilise what you have. Express what you need. Take one tiny step.

Start where you are. Utilise what you have. Express what you need. Take one tiny step.

Value and values

Remember your value and values. What do you value and why? Where did your ideas around value come from? Value this moment and what it teaches you about you.

What are your values? How do you know that they are? Who taught them to you? Do you own them and live by them?

Value yourself and live by your values, these two things will help you to navigate life.

Journey Of The Heart is about creating a life that you love. Could this be the start you need to make?

World Suicide Prevention Day 2020 – My Story

I was asked by a friend if, for World Suicide Prevention Day, I would share some of my story of not wanting to be here and in particular, about the night I searched for how to kill yourself.

That night I did that search ‘how to kill yourself.’

In doing so, I read many harrowing things and eventually as the sun rose decided that I would find another way to live my best life.

This is just a small part of it. My prayer is that you watch this and decide to stay – there is always a better life waiting. It may take time and effort. I am living proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

What follows is the transcript

– Hi, I’m Dale, and I’m so glad that you found this video and this blog.

Now, I know that you’ve been searching for ways to kill yourself and I want to tell you that I found myself in this position.

A few years ago, I was in a pretty horrible relationship. We’d come on holiday to the house that I’m now living in, this was a home that I’d purchased, and I remember that I just felt that I couldn’t take any more, this situation was just, it was horrendous. And I truly did not want to be alive for a moment longer.

And I sat out there (pointing to my lounge) while the husband that I had and his mother with dementia slept in this room (my office used to be a bedroom).

It was winter, it was freezing cold, the log burner had gone out, I covered myself with a throw, I brought my computer into the lounge, and I sat, I sat for hours looking for ways to kill myself because I didn’t want to be alive.

The hours seemed to just drift by, I first came out with this real sense of just absolute desperation that I didn’t want to, just how I could get rid of myself in this instant? What was the quickest way?

The house is in a remote place, I’d no way of going to get anything to take, I didn’t have any rope, I genuinely couldn’t think how I was going to do it.

I searched and searched and searched, but I read a lot of quite harrowing stuff. And in the early hours of the morning, as the light was coming up, I just went back to bed. And I’m really glad that I didn’t.

So although I was in this horrible relationship, I’m glad that I didn’t do what I had planned to do that night. My head was just in the most awful place.

Now, that’s not the first time that I’d felt that I wanted to not be on the planet. The very first time was I was a really young girl. I’d been abused at 10 by the babysitter, I’d been groomed as a teenager.

The thing that tipped me over the edge was I had very, very long, bright, bright red hair. I was never allowed to do anything to my hair because it was my crowning glory, and a friend offered to trim it. I wanted my hair trimmed and what she did instead was, I couldn’t see her, there was no mirror, she cut everything off, all, my hair was much longer than this, she cut the whole lot off, and I just ended up with this thing on my head.

Well, I stuck my head, what was left, into a bobble hat and I went home. And it felt like the most, just I did not want to be, it was awful, it was like all of that stuff about having no worth and nobody loving me and all sorts.

So there was a lot of stuff going on, so I decided, when no one was looking, that I went and got, I laugh at it now because, I mean, it’s just like completely ridiculous, I went and got a load of paracetamol, made a cup of tea, made a bacon sandwich covered in red sauce.

I can see myself sat on my bedroom floor, necking these paracetamol, getting the tea down and then, aw, the taste, eating a piece of this bacon sandwich. And there wasn’t very many paracetamol in the container, certainly not enough to kill myself, but I felt pretty ill the following day.

So that’s two times. And there have been other times that I felt pretty low, during the period that I was with the husband that I talked about, I took Prozac twice, so I always had an exit strategy. I remember someone saying to me, “You know if you had a cough or a cold, “or a, I don’t know, a something, “you’d go to the doctor “and you would maybe take pills, “or if it was something to do with your digestion, “you would change your diet, “so why not just do something temporary?”

So I went to the doctor twice, and once they’d heard all my different stories, they agreed that I could take these drugs for a short period of time, so I did that.

Now, what changed was something that happened with the husband that I talked about, and I left, and I made myself a new life. And I literally just got up one day, and I drove to another country with my dogs, and I literally fell apart. I fell to pieces when I came here, but this, this thing called a journal, this pretty much saved my life.

The things that helped

I’ve been journaling all my life. So if you’ve come here and you’ve found yourself in a place that you really, you just can’t go on, what worked for me, and not everything works for everybody, so when I was with the husband, what worked for me was taking Prozac because it just helped me. I took a teeny-weeny minuscule dose, and I always had in my mind that I would have an exit strategy. And I took this teeny-weeny amount of the drug, I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote in my journal.

And it really helped me to clear my thoughts and to see the stories and the patterns of the things that I’d been doing and really going back and looking at, well, where were the roots of the stuff that allowed me to let somebody else destroy me?

So my journal was super, super helpful, taking the Prozac for a very short space of time was very helpful.

And the other thing that was really helpful, and I don’t know how practical it is, is I got a dog. And he’s still with me, he’s very, very old, he’s very spindly and old, and going for lots and lots of walks, getting into Mother Nature and getting really grounded.

Other things I did is I started to do more yoga, so that was really, really balancing. So I looked at ways that I could nourish my soul.

So the writing, the journaling, that just, that was the most, it’s always been one of the most powerful things, I journal every single day.

And my journaling has changed, it’s not desperate and anxious and dreadful anymore, but it really, really helped me.

I tried counselling, that was pretty useless for me.

For me, it was the journaling, walking my dog, getting into Mother Nature and doing really lovely things for me.

I started to go and get some massages, I just did things that made me feel good.

I did little things like, let me get some Post-it notes, I did little things like this. I’d write love-me notes, so I’d write myself a little note, and when I woke up in the morning, I found a love-me note on my kettle, on my fridge, or something like that.

And eventually, doing these things, things that were for me, connecting to my heart, learning to love me, made a massive difference.

And what happened in 2018, and this is kind of really the last point that I felt desperate, was my spine fractured. I’d changed my diet, a long, long time ago, I was doing lots of self-care, I was doing the walking and the journaling and eating really healthily and doing my yoga and looking after me.

And then all of a sudden, my spine fractured and I ended up with what’s called a couple of wedges, the vertebrae became wedges, it was horrendous.

And the thing that really saved my life, apart from I refused to take drugs, I stood in my power. It was, “This is who I am in the world “, and my values are, and I want to heal naturally.”

So although I couldn’t walk for a long time, it was almost impossible to get out of bed, and the pain was, I really didn’t want to be on the planet, but I kept my journal by the side of my bed and when I would wake up in the middle of the night and think, “Do you know what? “I really, really can’t take this pain anymore, “I just can’t take,” I used my mind to try and take the pain away, I didn’t want to take pain killers, real stubborn cow.

But I’d wake up in the middle of the night, and I thought, “Do you know, “the only thing I can do is get that damn journal out “and just write all the really horrible things “that are going on.”

And then once I got it all out of my system, I could go back to sleep. And I’d wake up in the morning, and I’d read it and reflect on it and think,

“Right, okay, what’s the one thing “I can do today to make this my day?”

So I don’t know if that helps you, I truly hope that it does. I think the most powerful thing, for me, was getting away from the situation, was taking myself into nature, was about writing, was about connecting to me and really learning to love who I am.

Do I love myself enough to

And in doing that, it made such a difference. So one of the biggest things that I do today when something comes up, I say, “Do I love myself enough to,” and the answer’s always, “Yes.” “Do I love myself enough to get away from this? “Do I love myself enough to eat properly? “Do I love myself enough ” to get my feelings out in my journal? “Do I love myself enough?”

And that’s the thing that works absolutely for me.

Personal power

So I think a lot of it is about stepping into our personal power and learning to be assertive and learning things like I statements.

When someone says something to you, and you can feel stuff coming up, and you want to say, “You know what, “you make me feel,” well, actually what I would suggest is you put your hands on your heart and say, “When you do,” such and such, “I feel,” and we start using I statements.

And you can practise them in your journal.

And something else that you can do is if you feel that other people are bullying you, there’s a thing underneath, so here are my boobs, a thing here called the solar plexus, you can just fold your arms over the solar plexus and that will protect your personal power.

But it’s also about learning about your values, what you will put up and what you won’t put with. I know this is a massive, massive subject. I know that you’ve come here to this blog because you were looking for a way out, what I’m truly hoping is that you go and get one of these things, you go and get a journal, and you take yourself off, the thing, for walks.

And it might not be practical to get a dog, but I tell you what, they give you so much love, they give you so much love.

When I was in that horrible relationship, this boy (Ferdy Dog) and I, we spooned every single night. He’s my heart, and he got me through so much, he got me through so much.

So journal, get your journal out and pour your feelings into it and start loving you, look in the mirror, look deep into your eyes and tell yourself that you love you.

 I didn’t expect to get emotional, but I always do when I think about my boy, my old Ferdy.

Anyway, I have this little book called “101 Affirmations to Get You Through the Day,” and I did this on a previous video and I chose an affirmation completely randomly, which I think is perfect for this, “Today, I am my best friend.”

So if you were with a friend who was thinking that they didn’t want to be here anymore and you were their best friend, what would you say? What would you do, how would you help them? And then do that for you.

So I want to, when I stop my leaking eyes, I want to send you the biggest, biggest love. I hope that some of these things that I’ve said, some of the stories that I’ve shared with you, which are not stories that I share very often, I hope they inspire you to pick up your pen and start thinking about you and loving you for the most beautiful being that you truly, truly are.

My name’s Dale, and from my heart to your heart, I wish you the most beautiful day, and I hope that you do the right thing and you stay, you stay because we need your love, your energy, we need you in the world, the world needs good people.

Lots of love.

This is Melissa’s blog.


20 Powerful Ways Of Knowing That You Are On Your True Life Path

Knowing that the path you are walking is your true life path is a question many people have asked. Where am I going? Why am I here? What is it that I am meant to be doing in this lifetime? It’s a terribly human thing to desire surety, to know for certain that this is the right way for us. We think that we should know where we are going. We set goals and take action and do stuff and often find ourselves frustrated and angry that things are not going to plan. Things keep happening and wham all your best-laid plans go to rat shit. I have learned over the years that plans are good as long as you allow your heart to change them. After all, a plan is merely a suggestion, isn’t it?

Heading out of the house this morning, the dogs led the way. They know the path by now. I put on Audible and started listening to Chillpreneur. The book was recommended to me and to be honest, it was a welcome change from all of the very spiritual books I have been listening to.

I caught sight of the doggies sniffing last nights playful fox trails and eating boar droppings, they were following their intuition. They weren’t struggling with shall I stay on this path, they were going for gold.

Ok, it’s easy for the dogs, eat, poo, sleep and wander around the hills. But there is a lesson in exploring, being curious, open and considering possibilities. They are so bright, those doggies.

 There have been many times over the last few years when things have gone wrong that I have screamed which fricking life path am I meant to be travelling on? One moment you let me make plans for this and then something happens. Help me to know.

The truth is knowing would take the fun out of things. Maybe you don’t agree with that, but I have had to learn so much about letting go and trusting and still there is more to learn. I am getting better at being less impatient and listening. No, seriously, I am.

If you are feeling stuck, pissed at life, wondering what next or even feeling like you are living someone else’s life. Consider these that have guided my expansion and growth.

20 Powerful ways of knowing that you are on the right life path

These are what resonate with me, perhaps there are others that you would add to the list?

  1. You learn to trust your inner guidance system
  2. Things start to align for you – as if by magic
  3. Set intentions, take aligned action and allow
  4. You overcome obstacles creatively and don’t let them get in your way
  5. You make great conscious choices which seem to be easy
  6. You stop living someone else’s life – you do what makes your heart sing
  7. You lose track of time doing what you love
  8. You feel fired up and motivated about what you are doing
  9. You feel proud of what you have done and what’s to come
  10. Use feedback wisely (no more feeling criticised)
  11. You want to be a part of the change, and you find a way
  12. You surround yourself with likeminded people
  13. You take courageous steps even if they feel scary
  14. You let love in, let go and follow your heart
  15. You live by your values and feel fulfilled doing so
  16. It’s less about the material things
  17. You treasure community, kindness and connection
  18. Toxic friends go and care less about what these kind of people say about you
  19. You listen to your body – it will tell you what you need to know about what it needs and when to slow it down
  20. You took the chill pill and you like it

Don’t look for the key it will find you

On the last full moon, I’d set some powerful intentions, one of which was combining my spiritual work with my strategic work. It seemed so obvious after all of the mithering. There is no this or that, I am who I am, and I am always on the right path. Knowing it is one thing but doing something is quite something else.

With the full moon ebbing, I sat once more with my journal, eyes half-closed and wondering – what is Spirit trying to tell me, with the mad dreams and other signs? What am I not hearing? Connecting my heart with Mother Earth and breathing gently, in my head, I heard the answer. Don’t look for the key it will find you. Pausing I realised that I had been pushing too hard for an answer, for a solution to this malaise that I was feeling.

Over the week before the full moon, I’d been having wild dreams all about being reborn and new starts. And I felt dread wash over me. No more starting again, please!

I have started again so many times. Although I confess, the last fresh start was much needed, albeit a tough one. I’m sat here today feel pretty chill that I have so many skills and experiences that have contributed to my vast well of knowledge.

But here’s where I found myself. I was almost renouncing my strategic business stuff in favour of following a spiritual path. When it struck me that what I needed to do was to combine the two – doh!

I dug out my 90-day plans – mmm. I reviewed my strategic plan for 2021 – mmm. Ok, I thought here we go again. The path is no longer the path. The path and plans are changing. I felt resistance like you cannot imagine… And then I spoke with my coach – they always help you to clear the debris, don’t they?

In among this, I was slowed down with a cough. By being stopped, I had time to reflect and scribble and by allowing everything felt easier, and it made sense. Naturally, I still have to take action.

Stop searching: I know it’s hard, but what I believe is that all is in divine order and you already hold the master key. Pop it in the lock and let the door swing slowly open.

Things will go wrong until you listen

Know this; your crappy life is your gift. In my life, there have been many turning points and crossroads. I’ve lost count of the forks in the road and the journeys along so many seemingly strange paths. I ask you, who hasn’t encountered an unexpected bend, a twist or turn they weren’t anticipating? Every day the master plan, the route through life continues exactly as it should and yet we face it with fear, disappointment, and anger. We get on the magic bus of life and sit helplessly as it appears to drives us, we think, in the wrong direction.

We need to look backwards, not so that we can dwell in or on the rubbish part of our lives, but to gain wisdom or hindsight that provides flashes of insight to where we now find ourselves. Combine this with our magical formula of foresight, intuition, inner knowing we have an indispensable system for moving forwards.

The key to your inner guidance system is to stop, listen and learn, from the past, present and future because they are all, in reality, our now. The choices we make today affect all of our tomorrows. The choices of yesterday do the same. Everything collides beautifully into the book of our lives. That rich flow of endless words which come to guide us. Not written on parchment or carved in wood, but deep inside our souls. And all we have to do is listen.

There is no wrong path

Life is rarely one long period of ecstatic peace, love, and harmony; it is made up of lessons for us to learn. Each lesson teaching us something amazing about ourselves, and if we don’t learn the lesson the first time, it somehow creeps up and bites us on the bum.

Sometimes those dratted lessons keep spinning around until something jolts us awake. Then you often find that after a period of let’s call it grieving, you find that gorgeous peace once again descends, and you have a slow and enchanted growth period.

Life goes in revolutions (fast stuff) and evolutions (slow stuff). Neither exists without the other, and both exist because of each other.

Think for a moment of every revolution in your life—Times of abrupt change, followed by times of quiet consideration. Eruptions, solitude, eruptions, quietude and so your world revolves and evolves.

What I have also come to realise is that it is in the act of observation; in becoming a witness that one can gain the most value, gain understanding, seeing repeated patterns, reasons for particular behaviours, what your scripts are and so much more. The past is a beautiful synchronistic set of events that lead you to your now. Your past is an encyclopaedia for you to reference. What a rare and glorious gift, your book of life is, that guides you artfully along your life path.

Writing has been my saviour

Expansion and transformation is a part of a process that keeps you awake, aware and alive. Writing eases you into expansion, it is a gentle, iterative and an evolving process. It cannot be forced, and nor does it just happen. It takes work, but it does work.

There comes a time in many people’s lives when the life we are living no longer makes any sense; we feel stuck and fearful of facing our demons. Unknown and unseen monsters tear away at us. We unwittingly shape our lives, putting on a face for our public and all the while we live in constant terror that one day someone will unearth our secrets and show us for the frauds we are. We are not frauds, just fearful.

When that time comes, we search blindly, looking for answers about who we are in the strangest places when, in reality, the search needs to move inwards, where all of the answers reside.

Write and journal it will help you uncover the key

In taking the courageous step of examining who we are and the things we have done or had done to us, we run the risk of crashing. When we career over the precipice and hit the bottom of the canyon, there is only one way out, and that is to find our inner courage and to take control. Give yourself the gift of writing yourself a new adventure, where you are the heroines (or heroes) and can control your outcomes.

Through writing, reflection, and creativity, you can pull things into perspective.

For anyone who wonders what next? Put pen to paper, see what emerges, reflect, and learn a new way of writing the next part of your journey and personal story. Writing is cathartic, and when your soul is laid bare, you can either lie down and die, or you can recognise who you are and fight back.

Writing won’t solve anyone’s issues, but it will help to shine a light and in the process enabling painful memories to be uncovered, written about, and for healing to take place.

I work on the premise that we are all perfectly imperfect (to steal a title from Lee Woodruff) and that we are the best judges of how to heal ourselves, although we may not know it in our darker moments.

At no point is this about fixing you, making you well or sorting your shit out. No matter where you find yourself, this is about you learning more about you every day and taking action in whatever way is relevant to you. From expansion comes transformation, spiritual growth and evolution. We all have a personal choice about what we do next.

Writing has been my saviour and certainly eased me along my life path.

You can start by journaling, or you can look at what you have learned and turn that into a book. Writing a book will enable you to clarify your purpose and your processes, and you will have so much fun getting it written. I’d love to connect with you and walk by your side, guiding in this process. Please give me a call and let’s chat your life path book.

What about you are you ready to let the key find you?

PS: your purpose is already in your heart, you simply have to get out of your way and allow the key to unlock your treasure.

Journey Of The Heart is about how you can start living the life you want. How you can wake up happy to be you, with a sense of direction, knowing what you want and how to get it.

Become The CEO Of Your Life With The 11 C’s Of Personal Leadership

When I was growing up I wanted to be stand on the stage in Wembley and say those famous words ‘thank you Wembley, I love you’ after delivering an awesome gig.

The trouble was I was told that I would never become a singer and so my singing voice became, as predicted not that great and so I would probably be booed off the stage.

That’s not how I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered for the right reasons. I want to be remembered as someone who others thought had found who she was, acted from her heart, highest self and was kind.

And of course, I want people to love my courses, books, cake and my dogs.

I am also happy to be remembered for my quirkiness, intuition, ideas imagination and turning ideas into simple things.

In order to understand how important being the CEO of your is, think beyond where you currently are. Think about who you want to be or become.

I believe that it is who we become on the way to getting what we want that is the most important thing.

Where ever you are heading, you are the captain of your ship, the CEO of your life and your business. That’s a big responsibility. You are charting success for you, whilst mindful of the map laid out for you when you left the soul place.

You probably already know lots of people who look like they have got it together – rocking their lives as it were. Maybe they do and maybe they don’t.

Being the CEO of my life means I have:

  • Learned to love me
  • Found my Happy To Be Factor
  • Discovered the gorgeousness of inner peace

It also means that:

  • I make conscious choices that are connected to my heart
  • I balance my energy daily so that I can work in a great space
  • I am open to opportunities as presented by my soul for personal growth

So how do the 11’cs help me to do that? Consider these points.


Whether you know it or not, you are an expert in your life. Trouble is you probably take all of your knowledge, skills and experience for granted and assume that everyone else can do what you do too. They don’t.

To Do: Remember the conscious competence model where we get to the point of knowing what we know and just doing it.

Here’s your challenge – grab your journal and create a talent map across all areas of your life. Next, mark what you love and then what you are just good at. Reflect. What stands out?


Showing up as the goddess (everyone loves being a Goddess – don’t they) of your life gives you a level of credibility that nothing else can. It is simply proof that you are an authority on your YOU subject. You will be establishing yourself as someone to trust and earning respect in the process.

To do: Look at your list of loves (up there). Which of these are you showing up as a leader in your field for? Which ones are missing? Reflect.

Competitive advantage

We all have competitors, I wonder how many have taken the time out to really consider who they are, what their values represent and how they show up. How are you different?

Living by your core values and from the heart will give you an ‘advantage’. When you know what your competitive advantage is you can:-

  • You communicate to the right people  
  • You communicate the right message 
  • You know what you can deliver on in terms of customer expectations

So what is your competitive advantage? Your brand, pricing, unique services, expert in a niche, turn big pictures into tangible products… Define what makes you different and then talk about these things.

To do: Look at the things that you love how do they make you different and unique. Which ones are sustainable options for the future?

Change agent

By carefully crafting what you stand for you not only become clear about you (change one), you will show others that they can do or achieve. You lead the way and inspire others to change and become their best selves.

To do: Look at the things that you love, consider your competitive advantage and ask in what ways can you use these to inspire others to know what is possible in the world?


Humans love connection and at a time when that is being eroded how can you become a connector? Being your best self and showing up connects you emotionally to your community. It’s the small things that you do from the heart, with kindness and compassion which will leave your YOU mark on others.

To do: How can you show up each day with kindness and compassion and connect your heart to others hearts?

Conscious choices

Making conscious choices that are connected to your heart will guide your life like no other map.

There are some simple rules about becoming fully conscious in your choices and that is to first understand how you do things. If you do not know how you do things, how can you know how to make conscious choices work for you?

To do: Read this article how to become more conscious in your decision making


Carefully decide who you maintain heart and soul contracts with. When something ends, look at the lesson, appreciate the gift and rip the contract up. Move on and embrace people who deserve your love and attention.

To do: Make a list of your a, b, c and d people. Who are your a’s? Who can you move from b to a. And what will you do with the rest?


Actually going beyond the fear and lack of self-belief process and coming out the other side as a person with a who has embraced the grunge of life with grace is amazing for your inner confidence. This is a massive subject which has filled many books. Where do I start? Perhaps with this question?

If you were brimming with confidence what would you do?

Take the leap from the corporate rat race and follow your dreams?  You can start planning now. Start to think about your personal brand and get yourself ready for the big leap. 

Sell up, pack up and travel around the world?  Why not proactively look around for opportunities to make it happen. Ok, the world is a bit restricted right now, but hopefully not forever.

How about that hobby you’d love to turn into a paying business?  Take the first step in doing some research, learn how to monetize it, then take it from there. 

Or are you already in business, but lacking the confidence to step up, step out, or charge what you’re worth?

Whatever that one thing is, if you’re not there yet or toying with how to get there.

To do: If you could confidently say yes to just one thing, what would it be? 


Becoming YOU is cathartic. Actually working out who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world is terrifying, but it enables you to tap into parts of you that may not have considered.

That’s why I love journaling and writing. When I explore me through journaling I gain masses of clarity and I heal. When I write books, I heal again.

To do: Grab your journal again and ask who can I be if I were just me? Be mindful of what comes up and explore that with your coach.


When you know how you got here while enjoying the peace of the present moment, you can contemplate and get clarity of where you are heading next. Clarity comes in the spaces, understanding the lessons learned no matter how horrible and appreciating the ahas from them.

To do: My suggestion is that you sign up to 101 days of being me. Journal every day and you will find clarity. You can also read the 101 days blogs here.


I believe that to feel compassion for your fellow man you are either born that way or have been tested in some way. That’s not to say that you have, more that for me having been through some tough times made me more aware and compassionate. 

It won’t always be easy; because when it comes to living as a compassionate, non-judgmental human being, the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime, comfortably in your own. 

To do: Become aware of the heart chakra which is located near your physical heart in the centre of the chest. This centre, when awakened and healthy, governs your capacity to have compassion, forgiveness, understanding, generosity, empathy, caring and love, for self and others. When it comes to making a choice about something take your hand to your heart and connect with your compassion.

Phew, that’s a lot of stuff to do. I’m sure I can think of many more ‘c’s, but it’s time to control myself and not get carried away. Take one thing that resonates with you and head to your journal to explore.

Let me leave you with this final question – Who do you want to become?