Writing coach and Executive Soul Coach

All Posts by Dale Darley

What do you want?

Before I ask you that immortal question what do you want, I want to introduce you to a bit of manifesting machinery that you carry around with you all the time. She has a jazzy name – The reticular activating system, but you can call her RAS.

When I was little mum and dad bought us a budgie, and they called it Jacqui (my first name). They said that the bird would respond and focus on its name because I got told off so often. I called her Budge, and we became the best of friends.

Budge was quite a character and did what she wanted, (just like me) including eating the windowsill. Instinctively Budge knew this was good for her beak, and that was what she honed in on. Much later she learned how to sit on my plate, shoulder or finger and bite anyone who came near me. It seemed that her intention was to protect me. To be honest, I never noticed how she focused on me until one day, I was doing something with my future husband when he got a rather nasty nip. After that, I was very careful not to upset her.

RAS works similarly for us. Once we have set our intentions on what we want, it filters out what we don’t want. So in terms of manifesting we should be able to say what we want, focus on getting it and ta-da there it is.

However there may on occasion be a conflict as RAS also validates your beliefs. So if you think you can’t then chances are you can’t. What is essential here is to start the manifesting process off by saying what you want, working towards achieving these things, dealing with the stuff that gets in the way and changing your energy, so you are aligned with your desires.

Kick-starting the manifesting process

In this article, you are going to kick start the process of asking for what you want and then noticing what happens. Think back to when you last wanted a blue car, I guarantee you saw you blue car everywhere, or what about when there is something you need to hear, and the radio plays the perfect song, or you read the exact quote.

To get what you want, you need to manage your energy and focus on the thing you want. Tune into your body and learn to recognise the good feelings associated with what you want. You may not know how to tune into your body and manage your energy just yet. That’s to come in another article. For now just know that you have a powerful on-board magical system waiting to support you.

Let’s get started – what do you want?

In the words of the Spice Girls:

I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)

I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

So what do you want? Stop, pause, breath, ask and scribble in your journal. This is just the beginning. You are readying your unconscious mind to get you prepared for creating what I call a bucket list for your soul. So that what you go after is aligned with your best self, true to your heart and is on your soul map to inner peace. Grab your journal and ask:

  • What do you want?
  • Why do you want it?
  • Where will it take you?
  • What will you get as a result of having this thing?
  • What won’t you get?
  • How will you get it?
  • When do you want it?

Let’s say I want to write a series of books for girls, I would focus these questions on that. This gets the juice flowing and one of the first things I might do is to undertake some light market research.

When you have done that, do some soul searching and look expand your thinking. What else do you want? And is there an order you want these things? Do you want?

  • Happiness
  • Wealth
  • Freedom
  • Inner Peace
  • Balance
  • Fulfillment
  • Confidence
  • Health
  • Love
  • Success
  • Thin
  • What else?

As you can see, these aren’t material things, but they are very worth considering.

Apply meaning

By now you will be wondering what is going on and maybe feeling a bit of overwhelm and chaos. I always think that this is good because your mind will scramble stuff up and then try to make sense of it for you. When you have your list of what you want, ask these questions:

  • What do these things mean to you?
  • What will you have when you get them?
  • What won’t you have?

Thinking about the girl’s books, it could mean that finally, you are following a long-held dream of being a children’s author. This could you give you confidence, fulfilment, excitement, joy, and a sense of purpose. What you won’t have are feelings of regret because you never tried.

Consider your challenges

What could happen next is you will start to think about your challenges. And the danger is that this will be where you focus your energy. If it is, then you will know that the reason is because of your mind mechanics, giving you what it thinks you need. Once you have started this process, you might now be saying things like:

  • What do I want to do?
  • I don’t have enough money to do that
  • I don’t have the time to do what I want
  • Who I am and what is my purpose?
  • How do I balance my needs and energy
  • How can I be my best self and realise my potential
  • I don’t feel feeling worthy or capable
  • I just have no energy, I am always ill, how am I supposed to do…
  • I’m trapped in a loveless relationship, how will I ever be free?
  • I am such a failure
  • Ug when I look in the mirror who is that horrible, miserable person?

When not very pleasant this is great because you are starting to get things out in the open and later in other articles, you can look at how to squish your gremlins.

Ask again – what do you want?

Take some time out and ask again. It is only by asking can you get clarity.

  • What do you want?
  • Why do you want it?
  • Where will it take you?
  • What will you get as a result of having this thing?
  • What won’t you get?
  • How will you get it?
  • When do you want it?

And you will be pleased to know that this is the last thing I am going to suggest…

  • First, think of something you want – an end result you want to influence.
  • Now think about the experience, feelings or result you want to reach in regards to that thing
  • Get your envisioning muscles ready and create a mental movie of how you see you think this will be in the future. Notice what you see, feel, hear, smell, taste and know about the details of that mental movie. Replay it often in your head

Reflect in your journal. I think you will find magical things happening.

Join me for 8 weeks of Manifesting Magic – it’s a course, a program, a circle and most of all it’s a safe space to explore who you want to become on the way to getting what you want. And you will be inspired to be your best self.

Harness Anger To Ignite Action And Compassion

This week has been rather lovely. I did feel a bit raaarrrr just before the full moon and then the anger floated away. But then something stirred me yesterday which surprised me. I reminded myself…

It’s ok to not be ok. I wasn’t ok.

Instead, I was perplexed why this normally peaceful and contented woman should want to vent her spleen. But something, in fact two things got my goat and I needed to take action.

I felt trapped by this strange feeling. I walked the dogs, but still it wouldn’t go. I smudged myself several times and still I felt my body rigid.

For the few hours that followed my anger, something strange happened to me. My normal positive, I can see the good and lessons in everything left me.

Calm disappeared, and I witnessed myself getting into a tizzy. Like an out of body experience I watched me from the outside in.

Ice cream, dinner and hot chocolate with Amaretto did nothing to assuage this blight on my being.

Later I found solace writing this blog, knowing as ever writing is always my saviour. But still the lump remained in my chest.

Later, when I was no longer engrossed in my writing I sat pondering the anger. I knew the source, of course I did. It shocked me to think that I could still be triggered. That all of these years later there was stuff that needed to be let go off.

The full moon energy that I had thought I had sailed through was here to remind me that there was still work to do. I smiled wryly.

I thought of what I teach and how I always remind others that we must look beneath our resistance to the root so that we know why we are unable to manifest some things.

That’s me told!!!

I did laugh, eventually. I laughed as well as I’d also had an awesome Tarot reading and choose not to explore the path of love. The anger earlier in the day had shut me off and I did not want to know.

This is a lovely quote and as I read it I knew that the lesson was a gift – eventually…

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars. Og Mandino

Anger is the ignition for action

I was reminded again that anger is an igniter. What I did next had to be in love. In love, I could achieve anything. To achieve anything, there needs to be tinder – the situation – the igniter for change – anger and the fuel for change – love. Anger is just an emotion that is igniting something bigger. Not necessarily world-shattering, but something greater than me, and that has to be good.

Working from love

Enjoy the journey. Every day work towards being your best self. Never lose sight of the love that you are.

We may not be able to stop the things that are making us angry. However, it’s well known and well-trodden advice that we can change how we choose to respond.

Think of how much energy it takes to respond with anger. Yeah, loads. We could end up feeling drained of energy and unable to think clearly. If instead (after the first flush of anger) we chose to focus on our hearts and send love to ourselves and the world while affirming that today you choose peace and love – how might that feel?

Be aware of your anger

Anger is a natural emotion. I think because we are taught to not show it or deal with it by suppressing it, that we see it as one of the not so good emotions. But all emotion is good. It just depends on how you view it. Through what lens does this emotion need to be seen?

There are triggers for all emotions. Someone loads up the metaphorical gun and shoots it. It could be a beautiful romantic scene in a film or photos of extreme cruelty.

No matter what the trigger, there will have been a thing which launches a 1000 ships into the neural pathways of your brain.

Learning to become aware of your trigger points is essential. I know quite a few of mine, and they mostly involve animals. I also know that when I do not set good boundaries and allow someone to take advantage of my kind nature – I get cross.

I’ve learned through journaling and reflecting to reframe and walk around my emotions to understand what I need to learn and what I need to do.

Because of writing, I am so much more self-aware.

Harness it

I used to think that holding anger in was good. That anger was ugly and destructive, and in a way, it can be. It can help to destroy something not so great to let the young shoots of hope emerge. Once you acknowledge it, are aware of it and the triggers, you can harness that energy.

What I learn is that I can harness the knowledge that something still triggers me to get to the root and use the energy to deal with it. What about you?

Release self-judgement

Because you have anger or feel angry, it does not make you a bad person. It makes you human. When the devil dances with your demons, you have choices. Make the first one to not judge yourself. Remember you are feeling anger in the moment, just as you would joy or love.

Be aware of your emotions and experience them without judgement. Avoid adding in tales of why and who you are because you acted or felt a certain way. Simply observe.

Dig deeper into the roots

I always want to know why I acted or felt a certain way. After all of these years of writing and digging into the muck, I am used to allowing my curiosity to go on an adventure with my past. It’s in the roots of who we are and those things that have moulded us that the answers lie. 

I see the past as an encyclopedia to be referenced rather than a place to dwell. But this is only after years of writing and burning my journals and probably jumping on bits of paper with peoples names on.

Write to explore and reflect. Talk it through. Scribble and mind map. The roots will expose themselves for you to explore.

Stay connected

I am a bugger for isolating myself when I get upset. Other people find it easy to tell me all of their woes, and I am a good listener, and I think because I do this for others, I don’t want to inflict myself on them.

The truth is talking and being heard is so helpful. But you must find the right person, and they may not be your friends. When you feel like hiding under the bed and telling the world to eff off, find someone you trust and can pay to listen.

Please stay connected to the world and don’t isolate yourself.

Show yourself some compassion

As I have said anger is normal so cut yourself some slack. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing to be ashamed off. It is however our responsibility to choose how we respond in the future and how we manage our emotions around the things that come to bite us on the bum.

Awareness is everything. When we are aware we can examine our relationship with anger and other associated emotions.

Most importantly in the process of digging deep and understanding ourselves let’s be kind and compassionate.

Compassion will help you to be honest with yourself. I also think that compassion helps us to understand the pain we feel when stuff happens.

Mirror

When you feel angry, go and find a mirror. Open your eyes, take a good hard look into them and let it rip. Watch your face contort and be a witness to your rage.  Another way to tackle this is to film yourself. Believe you me this is not attractive, but it is eye-opening. And very releasing.

Journal

I keep saying it, but this is one of the best ways to find yourself. Sit with your pen and stir the pot of inner stillness once you have released the words onto the page.

A lovely way to view your anger or any emotion from a distance is to write yourself a letter. Put it in an envelope and in a few weeks, send it to yourself. I’m sure you will be tempted to tear it up but do it.

When it arrives, you will be some time away from the event, and it will be curious reading. I wonder how you will feel?

If you think that you will not send it, do it on Moonpig, buy the card and put in a future delivery date.

Creative life writing

This is a favourite activity. Take your anger and write a piece of fiction. Be creative. Make it short with a twist at the end. There was a period of my life when I was prolific with these and boy did some people come to a nasty end.

Start sketching out your story with your challenge, what are your choices, and which outcome will you choose?

  • Challenge – What was your challenge? Why did you feel it was a challenge? It could be a challenge that you set yourself or a challenging situation.
  • Choices – Why did you make the choice you did? Choices are about our choices, not the ones you feel others forced on you, although that in itself is a choice.
  • Outcome – Why that outcome? What did you learn? What is the moral of your story? If someone reads your story, how would you want them to feel and to learn?

All you need to do is find a journal entry, connect to your muse and write a short story.

Affirmations to heal anger

  1. Today I cultivate peaceful energy in my body, heart and soul
  2. Today I transform anger into peace, love and joy and offer love to the world
  3. Today I am free of anger and angry thoughts
  4. Today I transmute the anger I feel into the energy of peace, love and joy
  5. Today I breathe in peace
  6. Today I recognise that anger is energy ready to be transformed
  7. Today when I chose peace of mind over anger my life, gets better.

Journaling promptS

  • When you look at the last time you were angry or upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry?
  • Explore the anger, look at it from different perspectives and ask what are you here to teach me?
  • What could this anger ignite in you instead?
  • Spell ANGER in a mindmap and explore the words you choose.

What does love mean to you?

I can’t remember the moment that I thought I knew what love meant or even what it was. It was a word. I think I confused it with sex and boys wanting something that they had equally mixed up with love.

Who teaches us this love thing? Naturally, we witness our families ways of loving but no one says to you this is how you do it, you just see modes of behaviour, that you encode to be that way that it is.

Loving and being loved are not givens, and all of our experiences will be different and so I dare not presume that you had or have all of the love that you desire and deserve. And you do deserve it.

I am in the school that says love yourself first and I know this to be true for me, because that is my experience. Having always given so much of me, I often found myself feeling used, abused and worthless.

Love was not equal. I think I used it to try and make me feel lovable, loved and worth something. But I only felt worthy when I set up life in the hills on my own with the dogs and took the time to get to know me. Underneath all of the baggage and masks was a person I loved and someone who came to know that she was worthy.

It is because of my experiences that I love this question because I now know that it is a feeling that is unique to each of us. Love is the greatest human power anyone can possess. With this as a power source and gateway to the divine (ours and Universal), we can become our best selves.

It is a powerful energy which resides within us. Misplaced it can destroy anything, just as pure love can provide the fuel to help us to overcome anything. So many things are done in the name of love aren’t they?

As an emotion it can drive us or drive us bonkers. We want it, we crave it, when we have it we feel incredible, when we don’t, we yearn it. It can make us do some crazy things. It’s what makes humanity and it’s absence is what can destroy humanity.

It will always remain one of those things that is hard to describe, but you know when you feel it. Rather than me putting a label on it, all I ask is that you take yourself back to times when you have felt love and ease yourself back into those experiences. What did you feel? What did you do or say in the name of love?

What are it’s qualities?

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao Tzu

Does your love have qualities? Think words like kindness, loving-kindness, honour, respect, compassion, trust, healing, nurturing, joy, non attachment, non judgement, patient, humble, selfless, calm, honest, lets go, non blaming, no fear, no jealousy and equality.

What would add to your list and why?

No one is expecting you to be a paragon of virtue and possess all of these or even ‘be’ them all the time. We all judge, or get angry or are at times selfish and that is perfectly normal. It’s more what are the qualities I possess or that I aspire to.

What about the different kinds of love that you feel?

I’m assuming that you would think about possessions differently to your cat or dog, or your parents or your lover? When it was attached to a person, a thing or say a pet, how was it? Are there different qualities depending upon the circumstances or the experience?

The thing is everyone will have an opinion and my invitation is for you to explore what it means to you and for you.

Love and fear

It has been said that there is only love and fear. Everything else fits between these two things and what we are striving for is to live in the light of love.

Even science knows that love and fear hold different vibrations, so it makes sense that when you are manifesting what you want you send out the right vibrational energy. Remember the Universe is always listening and will send you back what you emit. Stay with the good vibes and feelings when you can.

To know love is to also know fear. And while it may seem a contradiction, fear is not to be feared. It is a sign that we need to take some action. It is showing us that there is something we need and might want to do something about. Bizarrely there is great value in fear. Think about this, our bodies use fear to get us out of danger fast. That has to be great, but you wouldn’t want to be on high alert all of the time, would you?

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

When you stand on any part of the love-fear spectrum, it is a call for you to take a step closer to the heart. Imagine if at one end is a dark tunnel or circle and at the other is a heart. The call is to move closer to the heart. This is your home. At your heart, you make a connection with you, make a connection to other’s hearts and to the heart of Mother Earth.

On a practical level, the heart and the brain are entwined like immortal lovers. Each working unconsciously with the other and showing you how to become better connected with your heart, to break down barriers, tear away the cages that create barriers around it, letting the beauty of your love and feel good emotions flow to the brain so that it can release the feel-good neurotransmitters which we all need.

Meet the the big four neurotransmitters

There is a lot written about these and the science behind each is fascinating, what I like to think is that if I am the kind of person that I aspire to be, I’ll be keeping my neurotransmitters working and balanced.

Dopamine called the motivation and reward molecule. This is according to research critical for love to thrive and survive between couples. It signals the brain to say hey wake up you are about to feel good. We all like to feel rewarded so that we stay motivated to continue doing whatever it is that makes us feel alive. Dopamine helps you to remember this feel-good factor so that you want to do it again. That’s why it plays such a big role in love and the exhilaration of falling in love.

Oxytocin is known as the bonding molecule. This is what bonds babies to mothers and lovers to each other. Oxytocin has been shown to have two sides to it. The positive everything in the world is rosy and the side that is exhibited when things go wrong in love which leads to jealousy, envy and suspicion, i.e. lack of trust.

Serotonin is the molecule of happiness. Serotonin is responsible for helping us to feel confident and enabling a stable mood.

Endorphins are molecules of security and peace. These are known as natures pain killers. When you do not love yourself, you often will engage in activities (suppressing emotions) which create dis-ease in the body and could trigger a pain response. By undertaking more loving activities, eating better, exercising, meditation and introducing other self-care opportunities, you will reduce the dis-ease and the related pain.

Being in love

The subject of being in love is such a massive subject which is also a very personal and intense feeling. What about that falling in love feeling?

Being in love can be confusing and fun. It can sneak up on you quite unexpectedly, and it can also disappear in what can seem like a moment. Take a moment to reflect on how you are when you are in love or falling in love. You can learn a lot about you when you fall in love with someone else.

Why is it important to manifesting magic?

When people put love and manifesting together it’s usually to manifest a lover. This is not where I am going. Though of course you can add it to your bucket list and call in the one that is for your highest good.

Love is energy and if you have shut yourself down how will the Universe ever know that you are open to receiving all of the abundance that it has to offer you?

What about if you are living in the past and haven’t accepted that what is done is done and you are still tearing your hands on the shards of a broken heart?

What about your faith? Have you lost faith in the power of love? Without faith, there is no belief in magic.

The importance of love is that you are creating a vibration that lets the Universe know that your heart is open and that you are ready to get what you want and need.

Love is an action, not just a feeling

Who doesn’t adore the feelings of love? But like all things in life too much of a good thing is unbalancing. As well as feeling all of the feelings what is essential is acting from the heart with kindness and compassion.

I love what I call The Kindness Project where you undertake acts of kindness for yourself and others.

What act of kindness could you offer someone or yourself today? Go and have fun.

Questions for your journal

  • What does love mean to you?
  • What are the different kinds of love that you feel?
  • Describe the different love that you have for your possessions, pets, parents, siblings and your lover?
  • Describe the qualities that have meaning for you?
  • How you are when you are in love or falling in love?
  • How you are when you are falling out of love?
  • In what way have you shut down your ability to feel love?
  • How can you rekindle your faith in love?
  • How can you move out of fear and the past and into the energy of what love means to you?
  • What are you going to do today for your kindness project?

When you have done all of that, put your hands on your heart and feel the love. Take a few moments to believe that you can create whatever you want. Know that with the vibration and energy of love you can manifest the life and the love you really want.

Next you have to take steps to examine the vulnerability of your heart and unlocking it. Big stuff which we will look at another day.

Join me for 8 weeks of Manifesting Magic – it’s a course, a program, a circle and most of all it’s a safe space to explore who you want to become on the way to getting what you want. And you will be inspired to be your best self.

Who do I want to be?

When I was growing up I wanted to be a rock star. But for most of my life when I asked the question who do I want to be, my reflection would say, sorry hon I have no idea.

Once I thought I wanted to be a politician because they changed the world didn’t they? And then I saw how they got slated in the papers for partaking in the party life and I was soon put off.

Then I thought, I know what, I’ll run a massive company, and change the world that way, but I couldn’t think what I wanted to sell.

So I joined the IT industry and sold things, made money and drove around showing off software. To be honest I rather liked it. But what killed that was selling vapour ware. I was far too honest so I moved into marketing. This I enjoyed for a while and then it was consultancy, training and executive coaching…

Much later I gave up and became what felt like a nobody, trapped in a loveless marriage.

But the truth is these were all jobs or roles, which while they told the world what I did, they didn’t share the golden magical elixir of me and my ‘me’ness.

What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. ‘Who am I, then?’ The one who sees that. Eckhart Tolle

If I am not the voice in my head, or the body that I wear, then who do I want to be is a wonderful and quite perplexing question.

And almost as bad as who are you?

You are a soul, born into a body, here to live out the road map you created for yourself before you left the soul place.

Yikes that’s a bit scary, isn’t there a manual for being and being on the road of life?

In yoga class we would chant this Mantram Of The Soul and while I enjoyed saying it, no one could tell me what it meant and so I surmised that I was invoking my soul purpose and who I was in my purest form without the baggage of being human.

I am the Soul.
I am the Light Divine.
I am Love.
I am Will.
I am Fixed Design
Invocation of the soul – Alice Bailey

What I have come to believe is that who I want to be is about qualities and values.

I want to be kind, loving, lovable, nonjudgmental, funny, perspicacious, discerning and extraordinary in an ordinary way. I just want to be the kind of person that others trust and respect. That others know that they can rely on when they need some love or a doggy lick.

And yet there could be more that I want as I learn and traverse this life. I am like you a work in progress and the never finished article and I guess I will only know what that is when I go home.

What I know is that the me that I desire to be now, will not be the who I want to be later in my life and I like that. I like the idea that I am forever evolving and becoming and this is what I believe to be part of the magic of life and being human.

If I cast my mind back to the dances I have had with the demons within. I can see how they have helped me to become the me I am today. Just as I witness the strangeness of life and how I have seen others. It is by the grace of God that some of these people are not us.

What about the tramp in the car park sipping cider while his dog sits patiently by? What bought this man to that corner of the car park?  If I had taken a different fork in my road, would that be me?  What if my party excesses had become one too many and in a moment of carelessness I wandered to the other side of the street to make my life out of a cardboard box and a few cans of cider?

And the kid I caught in the street throwing stones at car windows in an attempt to draw attention both to him and away from him?  This child, who wouldn’t confess or say sorry ended up being beaten by his mother and who knows what else because of his stubbornness. Who are we to berate this scrap when all he wants is to be loved? What if the naughty child that you or I once was decided that being bad was the only way to get noticed and ended up being quite different people to who we are today?

On another day I found myself standing in a filthy flat at eight am, with a cider swilling ex-heroin addict, crying hysterically because her son had just died, and she couldn’t comprehend why another person in her life had passed.

I watched while she ranted, passing pictures of different dead men to me, husband, boyfriend, brother, uncle and now son.  My emotions were ripped into a million pieces, I held her as she cried, she stunk, and as she sobbed, I wondered what I could do?  Back home was a 91-year-old woman who would shortly be getting out of bed and needed my help to feed her.

Torn.  One side wanting to stay, help her to sober up and put her life back on track and the other side having to go and help someone else.  My head was fucked, and I chose to walk away and leave her to it.  Not a day passes when I don’t think of her, and I don’t like the part of me that left her to it. Some months later, she killed herself.

I know lots of people who look down their noses at the drunks and druggies, have they never stuffed their faces with too much fine wine and good grub or spent too much on a retail therapy trip.  It’s the same thing, just different sides of the same coin. My dad was an alcoholic, so I guess that makes me more understanding.

I know that there is so much wrong and too much evil, I have no idea what causes someone to kill others or steal off old ladies, but something drives them, some forces exist that pulls them in that direction.

When my mum had her pocket picked, she was distraught. They walked away with her 90 euros and who knows how much from other old ladies.  Mum deeply saddened to be a victim was bought dinner by friends, she lost some cash and a bit of faith.  Did the thieves go home and buy dinner for their family, did the money go into some pot, did they get their split, was it a choice because of dire need or are they out and out shits?

We know there is no excuse for adultery, theft or killing, these people could keep their pants on, get jobs or go to anger management classes, couldn’t they?

Could they? When the devil dances with their demons, what choices do they feel that they have? How did they become them?

We make our own reality; our own choices and it is never too late to change. It is never too late to become who you want to be.

I think the question who do I want to be is a beautiful question and one you already know the answer to.

When the dark angels come to play with you, when they steal your essence, and you let life fall indiscriminately through your fingers, focus on what you can learn, and the gifts that you have been graced with.

Encourage your curious child to come out, get him or her ready to play, give them crayons and tell them to scribble. As we get older we forget what it is like to jump in puddles, or leap over streams, catch raindrops from leaves, but that doesn’t mean to say you can’t start again and reach into your hidden depths and manifest your dreams – you can.

Consider this. You are who you are meant to be. You are the one who determines who you are. You are the one who chooses from here on in who you want to be.

Grab your journal, dig deep and answer the question – who do you want to be? What about who don’t you want to be?

The Art Of Acceptance

Sometimes I find the whole concept of acceptance hard. I know when my spine fractured, I could not accept that this was my life. Nor could I accept that this was what my body looked like.

I went through psychological hell every day. I was in fear, then anger and slowly, slowly I came to accept that I could change the fact that I had fractures, but I could accept that the way to healing was by stopping the fight, laying down my sword and looking at things from another perspective.

Whenever acceptance comes knocking on my door I dig this out and boy does it calm me down.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen. Reinhold Niebuhr

Life is unpredictable. In life, stuff happens that sometimes does not make sense. But as Steve Jobs says, you can only connect the dots backwards. When you ask the question how did I get here? You will start, I am sure to make connections and see patterns in your beliefs and behaviours.

The road to acceptance

When it comes to acceptance it means that we need to make room for our experiences and choose consciously how to deal with them. Do you fight them or do you deal with them energetically and understand that in your experiences are gifts and lessons?

Acceptance is a choice

You can see the positive or you can fight what is going on. Why would you want to wander around a littered battlefield? You will discover more of your happy to be me and become more peaceful when you accept what has happened instead of constantly fighting to change things, that cannot be changed.  

There is power and peacefulness in acceptance

This is not about giving up or not taking action, rather it is knowing that pushing against a closed door will always hurt. Whereas finding ways to open the door and walk through it without resistance will deliver far greater rewards.

Acceptance is living fully present in the moment

It’s not about the past, while that is a great source of reference for peeling the onion. There will be stuff that you wish had never happened, but you know that you cannot turn back time. The past is a place of reference and not a place to dwell. Neither is it about the future because we cannot force it.

We can create visions, make decisions, and we can take action, but we already know stuff can happen to throw these visions off course. That is why it is essential to understand yourself, just a bit more…

Acceptance is one of the keys to finding your Happy To Be Me factor

Acceptance will give you longer lasting happiness or as I like to call it contentment. I am certainly happier when I shrug my shoulders, swear a bit and look at how to turn my experiences into learning points.

Acceptance helps you to stop judging yourself

It’s easy isn’t it to look in the mirror and judge? I did. The more I judged the worst that I felt. When I said ok, I cannot change fractures, but I can change what I eat, I can change my energy and perspective and I can tell my body I love her just as she is.

Acceptance is surrendering

There are some words that I feel I have a bit of a battle with and surrender is one of them. Logically I know that acceptance is about surrendering and letting go of the outcome. In other words set your intention and let it flow.

Sometimes it’s about understanding that you have invested too much in chasing something that is not for you. Accept, and let it go.

In letting go you make space for what is meant to be in your life.

When you fight for what you want, it becomes a battle. When you get stuck on how things ‘should’ manifest, you push for them to come about in the way that is not in alignment with your soul.

Have you been taught to never give up, or to soldier on or keep going the end is in sight?

What do you do or feel like when despite all of the struggle you don’t get what you want? Scream? Get ill or angry? Eat rubbish?

This is when acceptance and surrender are your best friends.

Let it go, let it flow, reframe and refocus. When you change the energy, everything changes.

Let’s look at this from a manifesting perspective

Perhaps you want to manifest a better body. It can be hard to accept what your body looks like.When my spine fractured, I hated (and I mean despised) what I looked like and could not accept it. Instead, I judged myself against others and my perception of what a beautiful body should look like.

I went through hell.

What I did, in this case, was to work on my beliefs, judgement, self-love and happy to be me factor. But let me tell you it has freaking hard.

More than anything I wanted inner peace, to be healed, healthy, and happy.

What I can accept is that I have three wedge fractures, and nothing will change their shape. What I don’t and didn’t accept was that I needed drugs to heal. The mind is powerful, and I believed I could heal, so this is the truth that I accepted.

In acceptance, I was able to drop the fight and make peace with myself. I felt the feelings, I cried, and I wanted to not be here, but I also loved the experience of seeing myself heal and getting stronger. I let go of the struggle, I surrendered and worked on what I could achieve. I made conscious decisions and choices, which are vital for manifesting.

From a manifesting perspective the Universe is listening to you all the time and if you focus on crap, that’s what you will get. But if you accept what you cannot change, surrender the outcome, change your energy and focus on what you want – a healthy healed spine – that’s what you get.

Acceptance is like art

I get very impatient when creating art. I want it done now! But the key to a better painting is to take my time, to stand back and to allow it to grow naturally.

Acceptance is like art, it takes time to create a beautiful life.

What was the purpose behind the lesson?

I believe that I was meant to rebuild the foundations of who I was. To connect with my soul and my body and learn to believe in myself and my ability to manifest.

I always say and will keep saying manifesting is who you become on the way to getting what you want.

So… Who do you want to be. What do you want? What do you have to let go of? What do you choose instead?

Try this

Think about something that has happened that you did not like very much, which you found hard to accept.

Grab your journal

  • Write about the thing that happened factually. I.e. remove all emotion
  • Consider what happened from a feeling perspective
  • What is your opinion of the event?
  • Now that it is done, what did you learn?
  • What can you accept about your part in this?
  • What will you do differently next time?

Stop headbutting a closed door and instead do as Elbow sang in One Day Like This – throw those curtains wide.

Join me for 8 weeks of Manifesting Magic – it’s a course, a program, a circle and most of all it’s a safe space to explore who you want to become on the way to getting what you want. And you will be inspired to be your best self.

International Women’s Day – How Can You Be An Inspiration?

Today may feel like every other day. You get up and do what you have to do and hopefully what you love to do. Today is a special day for me because I was privileged to be able to practice my energy routine, drink tea and celebrate with my sisters – the furry ones.

I can start my day well because of the women and men that came before me and the people who surround me and who are an inspiration to me.

Today is International Women’s Day, and a day to remember that we want and deserve equality.

Equality for me, goes much deeper than just for women, we need it for all.

I don’t do bashing of either gender. I don’t agree with so much that I am witness to and I feel helpless to change the whole world, but I can support those around me – I can be an inspiration.

I am fearless in the face of injustice and I could regale you with many tales of the work place and my approach to sexual harassment – let’s just say I did not take any prisoners.

But equally I would defend a man in the same way. As my fellow workmates knew. I was once set up in a leadership training environment and I acted just as they knew I would. I defended my work colleague from what I perceived as bullying. I did laugh after – little gits!

This is such a massive subject and I don’t think I even know where to begin to address it or write about it. Instead I choose to think about those who have inspired me to be who I am.

Women and men who are my inspiration

I know I am who I am mainly because of two people. My mum and dad.

It wasn’t an easy relationship. They tried to tell me what to do and I did what I wanted. I fought and rebelled.

But you see home life was a bit of a battlefield. I’d been abused first by a babysitter at ten – which I couldn’t talk about and later groomed and abused by a local couple – which I was deeply ashamed of.

My dad drank and they argued.

But even in all of that they did their best, while I did my best to hide all of the pain and hurt. I could not express in a natural way. Later in life my suppressed emotions would emerge as physical illness. Strangely much easier to deal with.

Dad used to have sayings. One was you can only get wet once when he would push my brother and I out to play in the rain. Later I came to realise that (at least to me) he was saying go on try it, it’s only scary once.

He had another saying you can do anything you like until you get caught, this I knew meant he would give me a hard time when he caught me out. He did, but he also supported and defended me when I got into trouble – which I did often.

I loved them the equally, but in different way. I would never have stayed married to my dad. He’d have been ditched pdq. Just like the last one I was married to. (look out for a blog on be careful what you wish for). Yep, I chose well. Deceptive during our whole relationship, this man was far worse than my dad. The stuff I found that ended the marriage was rather interesting to say the least. I am however eternally grateful to him for the gift of freedom and the space to find me,

When I moved here following the break up of this marriage, I got to know my mum as a person, not just a mum.

Mum didn’t get to do what she loved until later in life, and now she paints (not so often) and writes (nearly every day). She has osteoporosis, had seven fractures and is in constant pain, yet she smiles through it, she is intuitive, kind and caring. A woman you would want by your side. For me, she demonstrates beautifully that no matter how old you are, you can still live with passion.

On her 80th birthday we tricked her. She came with us for a casual drink and there in the tea room was over twenty of her friends all delighted to see her.

My mum who didn’t and couldn’t know such love while my dad was alive has bloomed and is having a ball.

She inspires me every day to be a better person.

I wonder who inspires you to be a better person?

Who are the women that inspire you? Who can you inspire?

Indulge me while I just focus on women.

All over the world women will not be able to live the way they want and are still being subjected to the most horrific treatment. Their suffering is something we could not imagine and yet it happens.

In January 2020 The Independent ran a dreadful story about Turkeys Marry your rapist bill. You can’t imagine it can you?

Women and young girls are trafficked into forced labour and sex slavery. My friend Ulrika runs Do Good Now Global who’s aim is to stop human trafficking. Another abomination. Yet it happens right under our noses. It is not just in far away lands.

Since knowing Ulrika, who is an amazing woman, I have learned so much that saddens me. You can only wonder what drives the people who want to control innocent women and girls.

In February 2020, The BBC ran a story about Atsede Nguse who had been subjected to an acid attack by her husband. She still amazingly believes that there are more good people than bad.

Menbere Aklilu a Women’s rights activist heard the story and stepped in to help and I am sure has inspired Atsede to dream big.

These are just a few stories.

Then there are the women who give up the terror of their homelands to suffer dreadful hardship to find a better life and end up in disgusting refugee camps with little hope of finding their dream life in the near future or maybe ever.

Imagine living in some of these countries as you and I tuck into our cups of tea and dunk our biscuits. They may be a million miles away, but they are still our sisters and brothers.

Closer to home the Domestic abuse bill is delayed because someone decided to prorogue parliament and hold an election last year. I cannot even begin to wonder how this one will ever get solved.

I imagine every one of us reading this knows someone who has had the cr** kicked out of them, strangled or psychologically abused most days.

There by the grace of God go I.

And yet this is the world we live in. These few things do not show the extent to which humanity needs saving.

And I get it. It’s not just women, guys I know you get mistreated too and my heart bleeds. It truly does.

Then there are the animals and the land. Where will it end?

All over the world there are men and women like Ulrika doing something to change the world.

We can do the same. In each of our hearts is a space for something that we care passionately about.

Mine is animals.

How can you do something – big or small to help create change in your life, community or the world?

What each of us does is about doing something that is impactful to us. That could be within your family, the community, your county, country or the world.

What matters is that it is meaningful to you.

Today and every day – start with you

For me, the best place is to start within. We might not be able to change the world, but we can change our world and the world around us. We can be the change we want to see in the world. We can honour, respect and love ourselves and our fellow humans so that they can find strength in our connection, discover their courage and passion for life.

We can challenge the mindsets of men and women who don’t believe that change is overdue. And we do that with compassion.

Today we are lucky. We can come together in circles to share our love and energy so that the person sitting on either side of us can feel the strength of our love and know that there is someone by his or her side who will listen and will support them.

Today I ask that you consider the women and men who walked before you to enable you to have the life that you have.

Today I ask that you spare a moment to walk in the shoes of another woman or man who’s life may not be as great as yours.

Today I ask you to take steps to support and inspire your fellow humans no matter where they are or who they are, in some way.

The womb of the world within us is connected by an invisible force to Mother Earth and to the Universe (God, Grace, Cosmos). We carry the future; we are the future. Equality, diversity, respect and love starts with us – use your gifts wisely. Be an inspiration.

Today celebrate who you are because my friends – you rock

Join me for 8 weeks of Manifesting Magic – it’s a course, a program, a circle and most of all it’s a safe space to explore who you want to become on the way to getting what you want. And you will be inspired to be your best self.

How To Create A Simple Vision Board Mandala

The word mandala comes from the ancient Sanskrit language, and it means “circle” or “centre”. They have been used for centuries in rituals and for meditation. While they look like interesting shapes, there is much more to a mandala than that. If you look around at nature, you will see that there are all kinds of interesting shapes. Bring a snowflake to mind or a spider’s web. These are both intricate and beautiful, and when you look at them, you may find yourself transported into a world of wonder.

What I love about mandalas is the sense of wellbeing that I get when I focus on them and colour them in. I will typically tune into something that is on my mind, connect to my muse and then allow whatever needs to flow, arise.

Mandalas offer you the opportunity to focus in on something and then work your way out from the centre to the outer edges where your consciousness is expanded. Imagine that the centre is the issue and as you work out, you are discovering solutions.

When you concentrate on an aspect of your life, you are energetically connecting to your inner state, intuition, wisdom and creativity, which is then reflected back in not only the process that you use to colour in your mandala, but the colours that you use.

When you start to colour in your mandala, you will notice yourself relaxing and yourself opening up to your inner wisdom and creativity where you will find the solutions you need.

Once you have coloured in your mandala put pen to paper and write about whatever comes up. This is what your heart and soul wants you to know.

The benefits of mandalas

  • There is no right or wrong way to colour a mandala so that you can colour them in any way you desire
  • You can colour just about anywhere
  • Colouring lifts your spirits and brings out the child in you
  • You can colour at your own pace
  • You are creating a unique work of art
  • It connects you to your wisdom and creativity
  • It’s relaxing and will help you to de-stress

Now before you think I am going to suggest you get your paints, magazines and glue out – this is much simpler.

Your vision board mandala

  • Print out your mandala
  • Set your intention
  • Write your vision around the mandala
  • In each of the central petals write a word this is a part of your vision
  • Colour in the mandala
  • Journal what comes up
  • Re write your vision

Told you it was easy…

If you love mandalas, these two Gratitude Journals have some lovely mandalas in them.

How To Become More Conscious In Your Decision Making

I was asked, ok so now that I have got all of that stuff out, what do I do with it, how do I change my life?

Well, I paused. You need to make some choices. You either choose a rubbish life or you choose something else which is in alignment with your heart, purpose and soul. And, I laughed how about choosing something better than that? If that is even possible.

It’s hard isn’t it? I’ve stayed in awful relationships and jobs because I was too scared to choose something else, something for my higher good.

Then one day – there is always a fateful day – I did choose something different and I didn’t procrastinate over it, like I’d done in the past. I went with my gut and my heart and figured out what my head would do later.

I made a conscious decision and the right choice just because I knew it was the right one.

And it changed my life – phew!

Conscious decision making is both easy and hard

Easy because some decisions can be made on the spot based on gut instinct. Hard because the decision is harder, it needs more time, more reflection, you may not be good at making decisions for new things, or you are just rubbish (or think you are) at consciously choosing, you may need external validation or there may be some other reason that makes this a hard decision.

There is no such thing as a wrong choice. All roads lead you home.

How do you do stuff?

There are some simple rules about becoming fully conscious in your decision making and that is to first understand how you do things. If you do not know how you do things, how can you know how conscious decision making will work for you?

I’m not a believer of how you do everything is how you do anything. I do believe that for certain things you do have a pattern. I choose IT equipment differently to choosing food for example.

So let’s talk about food.

Food choices and decisions can be traditionally hard to spot.

What I am talking about is making choices about what to eat based on your emotional state. It’s something most of us do on an unconscious level.

I had been working with a client and we had a fantastic session that went on longer than usual. This made me late for an appointment I had with the eco veg lady. Halfway down the mountain, I got a call from the woman to say she’d got the wrong day. (I did pull over when I heard my WhatsApp call)

Because I was late and I hadn’t eaten I was immediately cross. As I sat in the car I could feel my annoyance grow. Taking a few deep breaths I asked ‘what choices can I make instead’ and ‘how can I make the best of this?’

I did a quick reframe and thought, well that’s okay, I know where I can get a gluten-free sandwich and there’s various errands I can run which will be useful.

However, my luck was out and the cafe was closed, I could feel my energy dip even more, but thought one last errand and I can get home.

When I reached the final shop I was feeling lightheaded and uncomfortable and so when I passed the ice cream freezers I was immediately seduced by a deliciously dark Magnum. Of course, I was and it was very tasty.

Gut, heart and head

In simple terms when we make a decision based on our guts it is usually fast, we just do it, however, we often do not listen to our guts and immediately override it with our heads, missing out that vital ingredient of the heart.

The head is usually best left for slow decisions that need some reflection time. If too much head is given (excuse the picture in your head) then you can risk never making a decision.

The heart is where your divine inner wisdom resides, where you have a knowing based on your values.

Each of these has a rightful place in conscious decision making. The question is how do you know when you make decisions, which of these is right for which situation?

Does it matter as long as you act or don’t act?

Four stages of the conscious competence model

I believe how we form our decisions is progressive. You can use this model to consider how you made decisions through the stages of your life and how you learn.

Competence and incompetence
  • Unconscious Incompetence – You don’t know what you don’t know.
  • Conscious Incompetence – You know you don’t know. This is a fantastic learning stage.
  • Conscious Competence – You know that you know, you’re just not entirely clear on how.
  • Unconscious Competence – You can do what you are doing with your eyes closed. At this stage, you will have gathered immense knowledge, skills and experience.

One way to understand how this works is this.

Stop and think about how you might make a cup of tea. Now write all of the steps down and then teach someone else what you do. Easy?

You might think it’s easy, but I bet you missed loads of things out like you had to pick up the kettle and carry it to the sink, before lifting the lid, placing it under the tap, etc.

What I mean by this is we forget how we make decisions, because we become competent at making them.

The same thing applies when you choose food and drink – you become competent at making your choices. And you become well trained in emotional eating.

This model shows us the stages that we go through when acquiring new skills and knowledge. It is really useful to consider this when reviewing our decision making as it reminds us how we become unconsciously competent and serves as a useful reminder of the stages we go through when acquiring new knowledge and to be mindful of this when making choices.

This model is also known as the Learning Stages model was developed by former Gordon Training International employee, Noel Burch in the 1970’s.

Naturally, the more experiences and skills you acquire, the easier it becomes when making a decision.

But as you will know that isn’t always the case, things can come at you and throw you off track when you least expect it.

In my case, eating the Magnum was an aberration and a decision that I would come to regret. Later that night I woke up with horrendous itching from the sugar in the ice cream. Which meant that I didn’t sleep. The knock-on was that my energy was lower and I was a tad ratty the following day.

This is just a simple example, but none the less an important choice about something that could have been avoided.

On another occasion someone had come to visit for the day and she was not in a good space and took it out on me. She was quite frankly horrible. When she left with some viscous parting words I wanted not only to scream, but I wanted to stuff my face with sugar.

As I didn’t have sugar in the house this made it harder to wimp out. But I knew a friend who did have some. I stopped. Breathed into the events of the day. Asked questions. Walked around like a demented demon. Instead I drank water, planned a calming meal for later and took the dogs for a walk.

I had been hijacked and it took a lot to calm me down.

Conscious decision making journaling exercise

When you are faced with things that you do at an unconscious level which could go on to cause you problems there are a few things that you can do. One is to stop and assess and two is to become aware of what is happening – this is often hard to do in the moment (see above).

Use this exercise to record the event and to then discover what your decision making process is.

Grab your journal and write about the event. This is best done while it is still fresh in your mind. When you have finished stop and reflect, allow your muse to connect the dots.

Stop

Just stop. Allow yourself a few moments or minutes to take in what was going on. Breath and assess the situation. You will find all kinds of thoughts going on.

Aware

What is coming into your awareness?

What are the unconscious rules that you are playing by? All you need to do is become aware of them. How do you do things – is there a process or a pathway? What are your criteria for decision making?

Consider, three other events. What do you learn? Do you see a pattern?

Awake

How awake are you to the effect your decisions have on you, others and your environment? Again go back and review the decisions you wrote about and consider this. Also, look at how connected each was to your beliefs, values and emotional trigger points.

What or when do these events remind you of?

The friend that came to call reminded me of how much I hate being unfairly criticized.

What does this tell you? Consider the outcome and how awake you are to what this means to you.

In my Magnum example, it goes back to childhood when I was soothed with sweet things and was taught by someone that if your energy dips what you need is something sweet.

After being very unwell with a fractured spine and other complications I value my health. So why I ask did I eat this ice cream? This goes against all of my values around my health.

The bottom line is I don’t believe it is ok to eat rubbish as I value my health. However, I was hijacked by my low energy and emotions. As I am sure you will be occasionally.

Alive

How did your decisions make you feel?

I felt crap eating crap.

What was the core emotion and how does this or these emotions run your life? Dig deep.

Good conscious decision making should make you feel more alive.

This is not in the sense that you are leaping around for joy because sometimes good decisions are gut-wrenching and difficult. This is alive in the sense that they are completely connected to who you are, values, beliefs and you believe that they are right in the moment.

Acceptance

No, you cannot turn back the clock. What is done is done. Accept the decision you made and then decide what next, what did I learn and what, if anything will I do differently next time?

There is power and peacefulness in acceptance. This is not about giving up or not taking action, rather it is knowing that pushing against a closed door will always hurt. Whereas finding ways to open the door and walk through it without resistance will deliver far greater rewards.

Acceptance is a choice. You can see the positive or you can fight what is going on. Why would you want to wander around a littered battlefield?

Acceptance is living fully present in the moment. It’s not about the past, while that is a great source of reference for peeling the onion; it’s not where to live. Neither is it about the future because we cannot force it.

We can create visions, make decisions and we can take action, but we already know stuff can happen to throw these visions off course. That is why it is important to understand yourself, just a bit more…

Action

Whatever happens, you need to take action, even if the action is inaction. I know that there have been times when my decision has been to simply let go, to not be attached to the outcome and quite frankly let others get on with it.

My action was to throw the rest of the ice creams in the bin, remind myself to be better prepared and to recognise more when I am being emotionally hijacked. And you know I hated throwing food away because it was a ‘waste of money’. Let’s not go there…

Because of how important my health is to me I know that this will not happen again. The pain of the night long itching is far too good a reminder…

Ask your heart

One of the things that helps me is to take my choice to my heart.

Typically when I am journalling and I feel that the piece is finished, I stop this and place a hand on my heart, connect my breath, ask for guidance and wait. I will feel, see or sense something.

It is always interesting to notice what comes up.

What happens for me I find that I am checking in with my values when connecting with my heart.

I’ll look at how I can reframe something so that I get a better outcome. I like this opportunity for reflection.

My favourite question is do I love myself enough to? If the answer is yes, the decision is also easy.

Do I love myself enough to.

You can do all of these things without a piece of paper. Just stop and practice the four thumps that are in this Donna Eden video. There are lots of different energy techniques. My other favourite is the zip up.

What do you think?

Another fundamental part of conscious decision making is to also stop and ask ‘what do I think?’ Out loud, not just in your head. That question is not for your conscious mind to analyse, more to ask the question and go deep into yourself – trance-like to allow the answers to surface.

Try it. Stop now and ask what do I think? Don’t rush, just allow. Get your pen ready and scribble.

Your many brains

There are three brains in the body that exists alongside the chakra system, the one in your head that you already know about, one at your heart and one at your gut. These three brains work together and communicate along another superhighway called the vagus nerve.

The name vagus comes from the Latin term for wandering. This is because the vagus nerve wanders from the brain into organs in the neck, chest, and abdomen. It therefore in case you haven’t guessed connects information in both the energetic and physical bodies.

This is why it is vital to nourish your body properly, heal your heart, embody self-love because the messages from here will influence the brain, the chemical messaging system, the neurotransmitters, your intuition, connection with spirit and how you make choices.

Stop for a moment and put your hands either side of your neck and breathe. You are now calming down the vagus nerve.

The gut-brain connection

Let’s come back to emotional eating and making conscious choices for a moment.

The vagus nerve travels from the stomach to the brain. This second brain sends signals to the first brain which advises it of our emotions which naturally affects our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviour.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the gut is responsible for a lot of how we feel, our ability to live well and make decisions for our well-being. It’s a bit of a circle, because what you eat affects your brain.

What’s going on in your brain affects what you eat, how you eat and why you eat the way that you do and how you think.

What you eat (and drink) affects every cell in your body. In his book The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton talks about how our thoughts affect our cells. If you are living in a perpetually stressed place, imagine what kind of thoughts are being passed to your cells. The cells will respond in the best way that they know-how, which might not be very beneficial.

I certainly feel that the better my diet the better my ability to listen to my gut and the sharper my intuition. Maybe that’s just me?

Want to know more about the vagus nerve? Read this.

Summary conscious decision-making points

  1. Stop. Breathe. Collect your thoughts.
  2. Try some of the energy techniques to bring calm back.
  3. Get to know you and how and why you do things
  4. Know why you have made previous decisions
  5. Look for patterns in your behaviour
  6. Look for patterns in your gut, heart and head decisions
  7. Practice stopping, asking and listening to your heart
  8. Understand your values, and you will certainly know what decision you will make next time you are faced with something
  9. Get in tune with your gut and look out for your bodies signals
  10. Ask. Other people can be very insightful, even if they don’t know the answer
  11. Always know that you are using the best resources you have available at the time
  12. Practice journaling around different decision-making choices and ideas, from the very easy to the very hard. What do you learn?
  13. Look at decisions from many angles. What do you learn?
  14. Remember you cannot turn back the clock, so make a conscious decision to be more conscious next time you are faced with a choice

Have fun, I’d love to know what you discover…

Join me for 8 weeks of Manifesting Magic – it’s a course, a program, a circle and most of all it’s a safe space to explore who you want to become on the way to getting what you want.

What does magic mean to you?

What has magic got to do with manifesting? To fully understand what magic is, I want to invite you to close your eyes and allow yourself to be guided to parts of your life that feel or have felt magical. Become that child that sees the world through the lens of wonder and curiosity.

Is this what magic means to you?

I’m immediately transported to a Christmas when we knew that Santa didn’t really exist, and we could choose one big present. Mine was a magic set. My brother chose a chemistry set. Christmas day came, and I was soon disappointed to play magic; you needed an audience, which wasn’t always available, and it was all about silly tricks. This thing was soon discarded. Played once and that was that.

On the other hand, I was beguiled by the chemistry set – when I could get my hands on it. With this, there was pure magic. You only needed the world you created, and you could experiment. It was inspirational and joyful.

And what about being able to write in invisible ink, all you needed was a lemon. Magic, I concluded was more about what was invisible to the naked eye and the things that I could discover inside of me.

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it. J. M. Barrie

Before we go any further I want to tell you a funny story, at least it is to me now.

As a child I did believe I could fly and stood at the top of the stairs and threw myself off, arms open and knowing that this was possible.

Luckily my strapping dad was at the bottom of the stairs to catch me.

No matter what I believed in all kinds, until I didn’t and stuff happened.

Magic is all around you

This morning when I woke, the first thing I did was let the dogs out for a sniff and there in the sky was a partial moon. The sky was littered with stars, and I wondered as I always do about what lies beyond them. Mother Nature is magical and every day, my eyes feast on her beauty.

At night when I go to bed, I journal and there is always something magical about the way that my muse casts spells on the paper with my thoughts, feelings and words. The same happens when I put my fingers on the keyboard as I am doing now.

During the day, I might pull an oracle card and be amazed at how relevant the message is. How do the cards do that? Is it magic? Just like the times, when spirit communicates and lo and behold that thing that they wanted you to know turns up.

And dreams. In a recent dream I was confused by a pair of floating hands and now I have a VA. You can only smile at the wonder of it all.

It is no wonder that I adore programs and films about magic. Who doesn’t love Bewitched (I know it’s old), Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Practical Magic? My last fix on Netflix was Once Upon A Time, and I do believe that all the magic was true. It was wasn’t it?

I guess for a lot of people magic might only exist in fairy tales and the programs I have just mentioned, in witches covens or on stage providing the wow factor for some incredible act of deception and illusion. Yet you might find the same ones that don’t believe in magic knocking on wood for good luck.

Magic then for me is a feeling. My eyes capture it, and my heart holds it. My pen releases it. Life delivers it every day in big doses.

Magic is about believing that anything is possible

You and me, we can have a magical life. It’s simply deciding what magic means to you, manifesting it and being truly grateful for it. And more than that fully appreciating that life can be wonder filled.

This is not rose coloured glasses, because we do need a dash of reality, but there is nothing wrong in believing in magic.

It’s about believing that if it is possible in the world it is possible for you.

Manifesting Magic (for me) is not conjuring up fast cars, big houses, the perfect partner (who could turn out to be a complete Pratt), brilliant diamonds and huge wads of cash in the bank.

Magic is an inside job. It starts and ends with your heart. That’s not to say you can’t have all of the other things, but first let’s work on the magic of you. When you then manifest, it will come from a place of love, not fear or scarcity.

Make sense?

With the power of thought and intentions you can make things happen. By owning this, tapping into your personal power and taking action to make it happen you can choose the life you want to live and who you want to become.

Magic is an inside job

When I stopped resisting, surrendered, let go, let flow and let love, I found my faith restored. With my gratitude practice, I discovered kindness and forgiveness. In the stillness of meditation, I connected with my divine inner wisdom and that incredible pot of in-tuition.

It came when I made conscious choices about what I wanted.

In truth, I think that I only realised that magic existed was when I found a place of inner peace within me, had learned to love me and was happy to be me.

Magic is energy

And let’s not forget that magic is energy. It has an energy and how we use our personal energy most definitely enables us to attract the right things to us.

I started my journey with energy and magic as a child, but did not know what it was, things happened that I couldn’t and didn’t need to explain. Of course, we could levitate each other. It was natural to feel energies around us.

For me, sadly, I stopped believing and sensing energy when someone I had confided in told my mum I was evil. I’ll never forget the words. I switched off and didn’t tune back in with spirit properly or believe in magic again for many years. Whatever was going on I just couldn’t believe.

The first time I did a crystal therapy weekend course, I was hooked. As soon as I saw a two-year diploma, I was in. Every weekend for two years, I learned all kinds of things about crystals and energy medicine. Kim, my teacher, was a magician, and with her love and support, I healed so many aspects of me during that time.

Later I went on to study Reiki, both Usui and Angelic (now that is magic), I added in Naturopathic nutrition, more stuff about the chakras, five elements which are a part of Traditional Chinese Medicine, astrology, mediumship, and you name it if it felt magical and could take me to a world of wonder, curiosity and adventure, I wanted to experience it.

Then of course, there are lucky numbers, synchronicity, fate, karma and rituals. What about the night sky and the twinkling stars, the colours of the sunset and sunrise?

The more I looked, listened and was open to, the more I once again believed in magic.

Magic is love

We are all being guided by the power of love. The invisible fabric of what holds humanity together is woven from magical golden threads of love. Although you could be wondering if this is true when you witness the shit that is going on.

With three beautiful rescue dogs who own my heart, I bleed whenever I hear or see the intense cruelty inflicted on animals. We do not hold dominion over them. In fact, in my house, they are the ultimate rulers. They have me well and truly wrapped around their paws.

When you open your heart to love and learn to love yourself, your energy will change. The Universe (Spirit, God, Grace, The Cosmos) will feel it. It will know that you are ready to jump on the stage, claim your power, speak your truth and become a supernatural human with magic in your heart. Your belief in magic creates the bridge between what is possible and what is not.

Magic creates bridges

Magic also creates bridges between people and communities. Think shared values, beliefs and common goals. Together we can share moments of joy, wonder, inspiration, love, laughter and bond in unspoken ways.

Let me ask you again, what does magic mean to you? What would you add? How would you like to feel the magic of life course through your veins? How would you like a wonder filled life?

Join me for 8 weeks of Manifesting Magic – it’s a course, a program, a circle and most of all it’s a safe space to explore who you want to become on the way to getting what you want.

Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 1,2 and 3

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. – Willie Nelson

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson (1)

Reasons to be cheerful, parts 1,2,3

Are you an Ian Dury fan? If so, you might remember this little ditty.

Summer, Buddy Holly, the working folly
Good golly, Miss Molly and boats

Hammersmith Palais, the Bolshoi Ballet
Jump back in the alley and nanny goats

There’s not much about the lyrics that make sense and I think being cheerful doesn’t need to make much sense either.

It’s a choice, isn’t? You can choose to feel cheerful or you can be a misery guts.

When I was 21 a friend brought me a ticket to a concert. It was my first concert and it was to see Ian Dury and The Blockheads. I was besides myself with joy.

At the time I was not feeling loved. But this changed it all – what an amazing friend.

Was I cheerful all day as I waited for this, my very first concert?

You bet I was!

Was I incredibly annoying as I told everyone what I was doing that night?

Er, yes and I was annoying because I didn’t know what to wear – such a dilemma!

Even queuing in a cold, wintry Sophia Gardens was bliss. Being pushed and shoved into the metal bar at the front was not a problem. Even the bloke who chatted me up and suggested that we take our conversation further, because he could make me a model didn’t dampen my mood.

No. I was a very happy bunny when Ian and his merry men walked onto the stage. I stayed in bliss all night long and probably slept with a silly smile on my face.

The trouble is you can’t live in a state of permanent cheerfulness can you? Life sometimes gets in the way and not even a Razzle In My Pocket could lift your mood.

Non cheerful days

I confess there have been many times when I haven’t felt cheerful. When I couldn’t care less about cake or anything. There have been many times when I have just wanted to scream.

Not just scream, I mean really SCREAM and fill the air with expletives. I have wanted to punch the wall, stamp my foot, raise my arms in the air and wail out loud. No, go away, leave me alone. I have days when I want to curl up in a ball, put my fingers in my ears and sing lallalalalalalalallalal.

The good news is that these moments, because that is all that they are are moments in time, are perfectly normal and healthy to indulge in.

It’s all a matter of perspective and balance. By choosing to be an occasional miserable, grumpy bitch, somehow I feel so much better. What I love the most is laughing at how ridiculous I must have looked while having a hissy fit.

It takes no more time to see the good side of life than to see the bad. Jimmy Buffett

What feels good is letting it all out.

Have you spent years not screaming, bottling it all in and forgetting to be cheerful? Forgetting to savour the small moments?

Well, come on – step away from the whine of the computer – stamp your foot, now wiggle your tush, put your hands in the air, suck in a big fat breath and scream – yes you can scream whatever you like, even an arrggghhh will do, but possibly something like ‘tosser’. What a lovely word, try it ‘tosser, tosser, tosser’.

Now with any luck you won’t be arranging to have me carried away, you will have had a bloody good scream, be laughing at yourself and considering ‘reasons to be cheerful’ instead.

We can’t possibly hold ourselves in a state of war for long, can we? I would much rather be happy than sad, I would much rather lots of things, some of which are out of my control. I am in ‘my control’ and for example yesterday I was cheerful because:-

  • I got to walk my dogs in the peace of the hills four times and every time it is different. Today I met two people and we stopped to chat. I rarely see anyone.
  • I’m editing a book which is filling me full of joy. Yes, even the editing is fun.
  • I’m creating something called The Manifesting Magic 8 week Circle and I am loving it.
  • I had a B12 injection and now my energy will soar. I will feel human again.
  • I found the perfect pressie for Mothers Day.

There are lots of reasons to be cheerful. Sometimes we do need to scream, but really it is just a matter of perspective.

Savour the small but beautiful moments.

What makes you cheerful?

What made you feel cheerful today or yesterday? Bring to mind the event/s. What made it so special?

Really consider what it was that filled your heart and made you smile.

This is all a part of your Happy To Be Me factor.

Reasons to be cheerful, part 1,2 and 3

  • Part 1 – choose to be cheerful
  • Part 2 – feel cheerful
  • Part 3 – share your cheerfulness with others

That’s it.

Consider these ‘little’ things with a sense of gratitude. Fully appreciate what gifts you have been given.

Consider what you have learned about these precious moments. And remember you can tap into these feelings whenever you desire.

  • Grab your journal take just 3 minutes to write about your reasons to be cheerful
  • What made these moments so special
  • What can you appreciate about your reasons to be cheerful?
  • What are you grateful for today?

Let us always be cheerful and never make the mistake of growing up. Marty Rubin

>