When the Me Too campaign started, I turned off from the outpouring. I needed time to process. I wanted to know why on a deeply spiritual (and Universal) level this was started and the purpose it served.
Then I discovered that it was initially started by Tarana Burke over ten years ago.
Alyssa Milano then resurrected it on Twitter without knowing that Tarana was the originator.
This is incredible and blows my mind with the power that this brings to women, and actually, all beings. As we stand together – all of us we can evolve. This is eve-olution – a slow burn until it’s ready to ignite, has been triggered.
My mind raced as I read stories and comments and I felt anger.
Not for anyone sharing a story, my anger. Anger that I was unable to stop two unhealthy men, one when I was ten and the other when I was a teenager. One a babysitter who was given authority and trust to look after ‘my parent’s children’ while they could go out to play.
The other a rather vile man who, I later, discovered, used his wife in the most degrading way. Although on reflection she was complicit in his grooming. With conflict at home and a deep sense of being unclean, but not knowing why, I was easy to exploit.
As a young child, I did not know that the things that the babysitter did were wrong, I can clearly remember it all as a game. That was a defence mechanism and a story that I tell myself. Because I did not know that it was wrong, I couldn’t and didn’t tell. The irony is that the babysitter in question shares my name.
Recently I looked at Google Maps and stared at the house as if that would offer up some clues. But it looked just like a house. And thankfully there was nothing left.
The second incident, I have argued (my story) could have been averted.
But could it?
Now older, I’ve reasoned, I ‘should’ have known. Here’s the rub. As a rational adult, I know how insidious abuse is. I only have to look back at recent history to see how my last husband’s behaviour drove me, unwittingly, into a dark hole. I only have to talk to other men and women who live, have lived with narcissists to know how they work. I can remember telling my friends how kind he was. Really!
What happens when you are blind to what is going on is that you convince yourself that everything is ok. That it is safer to be anywhere other than at home.
Not fully understanding the science of the brain, it seems that chemically there is a process that protects the person from accessing the trauma memory. This explains why I can only access the memories when I visualise the houses in which the incidents happened. I have almost perfect recall of the room layouts. I’ve been told that this is normal.
What I also know is that neurotransmitters involved in the love process play a part. We become addicted to the feelings that an abuser arouses in us. How crazy is that? Once a bond is formed it is difficult to break and because you believe that this person is a good person you will introduce others to them as if they are normal.
Later when the spell is broken, you can start to rationalise that it’s all your fault and it’s your fault that others got involved as well. This, of course, is not the truth but it becomes your truth, and when you own that, more damage occurs.
People who have been abused hide the memories and feelings because our prime directive is safety first.
Hiding memories with processes and techniques, in my opinion, don’t work. At least not for me. I want to know. I want them out.
I forgot everything for years, blocked it out of my mind until one day I was watching TV and the memories came flooding back. Boy did they come back. What followed was years of processing and dealing with anger and guilt. Not just for me, but for others. Trying to understand how this man’s wife could have been complicit and then knowing that she too was trapped and helpless. She was easy for me to forgive, not at first, but later. Then I as I thought about how she befriended me and when I introduced her to my friends, did the same I unforgave her. Despite her pain in this relationship, she played her part, as did I. I feel conflicted and in pain for us both.
I couldn’t forgive me for being stupid. How could I have thought this was safe and how could I have let them meet my friends? How could I? I have asked this so many times, but I cannot remember how we all met. I know it is not my fault, yet I felt shame.
I remember lots of people in their kitchen, and I’m wondering why they were there. Having baked beans in front of the TV, was that to get me out of the way? Being given nice clothes that weren’t theirs to give which were difficult to explain away, was this a bonding technique or to assuage their guilt?
Mostly all I can see is the house layout and two very explicit incidents, and I try as I can, I cannot recall anything else. Just like with the babysitter I can see the houses, two episodes and nothing else. But my insides are raw.
Later I heard some of what he did to his wife until she was able to escape. That got to me. Suddenly there was a whole other world of rubbish potentially going on in their house.
Thankfully, my involvement was short lived. Overhearing my dad, I realised that he was suspicious of where I spent my time. This woke me up and that was the end. Over, I never saw them again.
Despite locking things away, I never forgot.
When I watched the program about the three girls in Harrogate, I cried buckets. I was lucky that this scale of horror didn’t happen to me.
But somehow in my head, once again, everything he did was my fault.
But here is the rub.
I wanted to share this with someone I loved, however, my head was a jumble, was it my fault, was it my fault that they met my friends, how did I make all of this happen? I needed someone to help me piece it together, to help me to understand, to be understanding and not treat me like shit under their feet. Their reaction was not ok.
This led me to lock it away again. I shrank. Hid. A person of no value and little worth.
The net result was I imploded. Not visibly, but my inner world collapsed, and I made choices that I unconsciously thought I deserved.
Later I tried again. It was brushed off as ‘well it’s over and in the past, get over it.’
What I get is that it’s hard for others to process. That they don’t care and why should they?
My experience has been that in their heads it is our fault. Women are to blame. We made these things happen.
No, we didn’t.
There are many factors at play here, not least the biological processes that occur during abuse, the way that memory works and how trauma is processed. Sexual abuse and assault are complicated. Humans are complicated.
The knock on effects are many. Each person who has had something done to them will deal with it differently, and that is ok. There is in my experience not a right way, only our way. Here’s a few things I’ve noticed about me.
What is scary is that abuse changes us biologically. The pain in my ribs gets worse when I am angry, and I thank her (I’ve named my ribs Mabel) for letting me know that I need to deal with things.
Healing takes a lifetime.
While I may have processed all of this through many different methods, there will always I feel be fragments stuck in a corner somewhere – as there are today.
Several things have helped me
Eating clean and ridding my body of processed rubbish has had a profound effect on my ability to grow as a human. When I am clean, I can function well. Without the chemicals of mass destruction running amok in my body I am strong and can make conscious decisions.
Writing is a powerful way to connect to the unconscious mind, higher self, highest true self and source. I call all of these my muse. Writing takes many forms. Journaling, scribbling and writing stories and books. On each of the full and new moons, I write and burn my thoughts. What comes up as the focus is used, I set a releasing intent, write and do not read, burn the writing in Rosemary and hold a crystal while I let the flames lick my wounds. As part of this process I forgive, let go and let love.
Learning to love me has been most profound. What a change this has made in my life and my identity. Self-love is the foundation from which I can be. In this, I have learned that I do not have to fix or mend others and how to ask for help. That if anyone treats me like I am stupid that’s their stuff. And aggression is now much more assertive. Best of all I am now prepared to add my voice and be visible.
Soul contracts. This is part of writing and loving me. A process where I see the contract, write it and then tear it up. Once burnt it helps me to heal.
I am wondering how the MeToo outpourings on Social Media in whatever form affect you? How you process and if like me, it is an iterative evolving cycle of things?
Before I close, I want to tell you that despite the spikes in my emotions, there is much love, inner peace and contentment in my life. As I am sure, there is in your life. This is I think a shift of consciousness again.
I also think that this current campaign has opened a vortex of Universal healing and I hope that we can all heal, expand and transform. Mother Earth can take the energy around our stuff; she can use it and create goodness from it. Let her help you.
Resources (aka stuff I have read)
When I bought my house I was temporarily confused the deeds said number 13 and some other documents said 15, but the house down the road is 15, so I settled with 13. Later I learned that 13 is not considered unlucky where I live, so I proudly embrace my lucky home.
It is lucky, although I already owned it and it needed a bit of work, it was here when I needed a home. When we discovered each other, we both found a purpose for each other. I love her, and she holds me.
In Western culture, Friday 13th is considered to be one of the most unlucky days in the calendar. I don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine why a day can be so unlucky, so, instead, I have decided to make it my lucky Friday. Lucky house, lucky me, lucky Friday.
The day before Jesus’s crucifixion,(a Friday) there were 13 people gathered for his last supper. Apparently, it was also on a Friday that Eve gave Adam an apple, I’m not sure if it was also on the 13th. You need 13 witches to form a coven. Aren’t witches were the good guys? If you have sat through the Friday the 13th films, you are very unlucky as they are terrible, in my humble opinion.
While researching, I discovered that ‘The Ancient Egyptians believed life was a spiritual journey that unfolded in stages. They believed that 12 of those stages occurred in this life, but the final one, the 13th, was a joyous transformative ascension to an eternal afterlife.‘
Isn’t that a beautiful thought? We live through 12 stages, and on our 13th we can ascend to another sacred place. To me, this seems an excellent way to greet the end of our Earthly human days and move onto the afterlife.
What if the highest risk to Friday the 13th being unlucky is your belief in it? Perhaps it is a coincidence that stuff happens on this so called unlucky day? Maybe we have been brainwashed into being on high alert on Friday 13th.
In 2017 there two occurrences of Friday 13th, January and October. Two occasions that I popped into my planner (I have the Daily Greatness Planner) at the start of the year. Today it’s October, Friday 13th and I think we should rock this day. Are you with me?
Everyone knows the harder you work at something, the luckier you get. What have you been working on that you can now harvest and what will you work on? I shall increase my luck chances by committing to:-
Richard Wiseman author of the ‘The Luck Factor‘set out to burst the bubble and myth of being unlucky. In his research, he says that:-
The findings have revealed that luck is not a magical ability or the result of random chance. Nor are people born lucky or unlucky. Instead, although lucky and unlucky people have almost no insight into the real causes of their good and bad luck, their thoughts and behavior are responsible for much of their fortune.
No surprises then? As I said earlier that what you focus on you can harvest. We make our luck by focusing on what we want, having a vision and taking action towards it. Flexing your behaviour, habits and beliefs will change your behaviour. By committing to embracing emotional intelligence changes the way you act. Deciding that you want to change will bring change, without your attention and action nothing will happen by luck or chance. Thoughts become a reality. I want to be the mistress of my reality, where it is humanly possible. How lucky would that be?
We know that things can happen over which we have no control and that is not luck either. However, we tend to call it luck or bad luck and sometimes karma. These things were going to happen anyway; you just happened to be where the stuff that was going to happen, happened. I can’t think what another term for these random events is other than luck. Even though it’s not luck, we will call it luck, which can also mean unlucky. As Richard Wiseman says, most people have little insight into what brought them to the point where the ‘luck’ thing happened.
When I muse over how I got to be living where I am. It wasn’t that I was lucky enough to find out that the man I was with was living a double life. It goes back way before that.
My belief is that wasn’t luck, it was all pre-ordained and some good action taking. All I have to work out is why? I’m getting closer and at the same time losing fixation of why did you bring me here?
I’ll leave you with these two quotes that say it all.
Be prepared, work hard, and hope for a little luck. Recognize that the harder you work and the better prepared you are, the more luck you might have. Ed Bradley
Luck is where opportunity meets preparation. Seneca
Summer is over and I am relieved. I love the sun but not the searing heat that keeps me trapped inside. I am preparing for winter which always suddenly descends. Every year winter catches me out, one day it’s warm the next freezing – just like that. But before I think about winter I want to relish this new season which has begun. Autumn is a season where we can be thankful for all that we have. Let go of the old and turn inwards for reflection.
We are also moving from earth season to metal (in Chinese Five Elements), which is rather apt, as I write this I have been thinking about grief and resentment. Not in a sad way, more about dealing with the frayed edges of some old stuff.
I’m also thinking about the expansion that I have undertaken over the last year and the contentment I feel. That may seem conflicted to feel contentment and resentment, yet I do. In my journey to self-love, I have come to embrace everything that comes up that needs to be shown love. It’s all about balance and finding that pivoting point.
In the morning there is a welcome chill in the air, it’s darker for longer and I feel change is less urgent. Walking the doggies is much more fun and we can get out more often, which is great for being grounded and having reflection time.
The colours are richer, the earth musty and there is a sense of the world slowing down.
Autumn equinox (also known as the Mabon or autumn harvest) was on 22nd September 9:04am (GMT). At equinox the day is in balance, there is equal light and dark. It’s a time when I stop standing in the shadows and seek out the warmth of the sun. It’s a time when I feel ready to embrace more down to earth activities.
I’ve written a lot and now I am editing. This is my writing harvest. Where I felt as if I hadn’t produced anything, now I can see it all coming to fruition. Now I can breathe.
So the summer has ended, seeds are falling, the ground is cloaked in fallen debris, ready to be reborn in the spring. Despite not getting much done in the searing heat, now it’s all about harvesting what I have sown, letting go of what doesn’t serve me, gathering up what I need to see me through winter, finding balance and courage.
The logs are here and stacked. The chimney swept. I have curtains ready to be lined to keep the heat in. For once, I am prepared and that also feels balanced.
As we move into the Metal season there will be more changes.
The colour for metal is white; this can be clothes, food or things in our environment. Who needs an excuse to buy some beautiful white flowers or light a candle? All that comes to mind is pureed parsnips (they are white), dinner with my friend Dawn, too much Prosecco and a bit of a headbang to Nirvana – that was certainly a moment of letting go madness.
In Chinese Medicine lungs and large intestines are the organs we now focus on. By nourishing the lung and learning to breathe properly you can balance and soothe the mind and eliminate wandering unhelpful thoughts. The lungs draw in breathe and exhale waste carbon dioxide, with every breath I can let things go. Metal makes me think of metal shields, warrior women and protection. And I think of breathing in new ideas and inspiration and letting them percolate.
The colon is all about eliminating waste. Eating well and being nourished with more root vegetables excites me, no more salad, I love meals made in one pot and feeling the embraced with a tickle of new flavours. I’m sure my body responds better to these kinds of foods. Now I struggle with cold water and have to make myself drink a glass every time I make a cuppa.
By releasing and letting go, I can ensure that my mind doesn’t become clogged and cloudy.
The emotions are sadness and courage. Connecting to the sadness or grief and acknowledging that this is a part of me, will give me the courage to discover more of my worth and reap my value.
Be aware of what needs to be let go as you enter autumn and set in place, a space for you, remember to stay grounded, listen to the earth and your divine inner wisdom.
Every year World Mental Health Day is observed on the 10th October. One day to highlight a massive problem. There is often no visible signs that someone is suffering until their body complains, they do something because they can’t cope and then it is too late.
Anxiety and depression can affect anyone.
When I was in the corporate world mental health was not discussed, but as a manager, I was acutely aware when people around me were not coping. Many a private conversation, a cuppa and a walk in the fresh air has helped someone have the space to be heard and to be empowered to take some other action towards better health. I am proud to be a listener without judgement.
This is not always the case when you work alone, or you are living with others whose needs always come first.
A few years ago, I found myself in front of the doctor complaining that despite the many miles I trudged every day with my dog, I couldn’t breathe. He asked me some questions, and suddenly there was a space to be heard.
We talked about who I was living with, what the relationship was like, work and general health. I explained that for the last two years I’d struggled with sleep and had tried everything I could think of. He laughed at the comprehensive list I handed over. He glanced over it and said quietly ‘you have anxiety and it is no wonder.’
Walking away with a prescription for Prozac felt like the end of the world. Having been a party animal I was used to abusing my body for fun, this felt very different.
Now I was a failure.
Two days into my new drug habit, I was ringing the doctor. ‘I feel weird this is happening.’ I was panicking that this ‘stuff’ was destroying me. She calmly explained that I probably have a virus.
I felt a fool.
Before long I was sleeping, and a calm descended. Deep inside I was ashamed of giving in, and although I didn’t want anyone to know, I found myself sharing with two friends. Never before had I sought external validation, but now it was vital. I wanted them to tell me that it was ok.
They did, and it was, I was ok.
At the start of taking them, I had an exit strategy. Changing my diet and writing as ever helped. Pouring my heart into my writing and writing creative short stories was fun.
I was a bit silly with my diet and cut practically everything that could possibly be an allergen to anyone, ever. Losing vast quantities of weight did nothing for my skin, and my skinny legs looked more match like every day. I didn’t love me so I couldn’t and didn’t look in the mirror. I tried but to no avail.
I was ugly.
Christmas came, and we were going to Spain to work on my house. Shortly into the holiday I took my daily pill and vomited. Staring into the bowl, repulsed by the small and what I had become, I decided no more pills; there had to be a better way.
Back home and I thought I could cope.
By February his almost 90-year-old mother who needed help with everything and had dementia came to live. Two months passed and living with a bully and this woman who appeared to hate me was taking its toll. ‘I’m going to take Prozac again, I told him, I can’t cope.’ He couldn’t care less. As long as he could do what he wanted he was ok.
His bullying never stopped, passive aggression should have been his middle name. I explained several times that he was a bully and that it needed to end. All he did was to turn the tables and call me a bully; he was a lost cause when it came to empathy. He was the sort of person that if you said something one day, he would go on about it for days. He was like a dog with a bone.
He told me he enjoyed finding someone’s weak spot and turning the knife. I decided to try and ignore him and his silly behaviour. Every day he said something about sucking his cock or some other inane sexist comment. He was driving me nuts. I found that I was losing my temper because of his endless berating. When I did sit him down to tell him that I was unhappy and felt unloved, he managed possibly a day and then was back to his weird self.
It was another year and another Christmas, and we decided to take his mum to Spain. More importantly, it was decided that I would take her on an economy class plane (old women, wheelchair, dementia and poor toilet habits) and he would drive with the dog and his son. I coped because she couldn’t have done it without me and I wanted this sad old lady who hated me to have some happiness.
The apartment we’d booked fell through, and so we stayed with my mum while he caught up with us and then we all went to my house in the hills.
A house that was not ready for us.
Lying awake one evening staring at the ceiling I knew it was time for me to die. While everyone slept, I Googled ways of killing yourself. They all looked painful. What the fuck can I do I screamed silently into the slumbering beams?
I wasn’t meant to die, but I was dead inside.
Not long after and following his mother’s death, I decided to wean myself off Prozac (again) and try to get back to some normality. I had a business to get back up and running, for what it was worth and products to create and launch. Nothing worked, my time was (again) not my own, I was utterly disrespected and unable to get my work done. I couldn’t work out how I was not able to work and why he thought it was acceptable to interrupt me constantly. Everything seemed so far away and unattainable.
One bright point was that a visit to the doctors revealed that I’d had an overactive thyroid and through dietary changes, I had resolved it.
I felt vindicated, that’s why among other things I wasn’t sleeping.
If hindsight were a currency, I would be rich. Slowly but surely over just a few years my sense of self had been eroded and despite the freedom, I thought I had, I had become incarcerated and controlled, and I let it happen. I can now see that the stress from previous unresolved issues, looking after his mother, the Prozac and my endless romantic dreams of being in love (as it turns out with the notion of love) had kept me diluted. Without Prozac to blunt my senses I was starting to realise that this might not be the ideal place to be, and that scared me. Apparently not enough to listen to my inner voice. I remained loyal, loving, kind and blind.
The Universe has other ideas about my blindness, and when I discovered he was and had always been living a highly promiscuous double life, I was catapulted into a new life and a way of being.
Through all of this, I wrote, and I wrote and did it a bit more, I still do.
I won’t lie, writing hasn’t always been easy. I have cried and cried as I have journaled. Equally, I have screamed with hysterical laughter as I have re-read my creative life stories and plotted the demise of others who I felt had hurt me.
Throughout all of my journalling, reflecting and other kinds of writing, I never expected to be pushed into a pit of hell, I thought I was ok to tackle big subjects – me. Writing has taken me into some dangerous places where I have I rested letting the poison spread. I have continued to push my pen more and more learning to connect to my heart. And then it got easier, the pain in my chest eased, and the path ahead began to shine.
Writing is a journey with your soul, writing can and does help you to heal. Everyone who writes does at some level move on. You may be writing about an adventure, crisis, a life changing event or a single fleeting moment in time, but in the setting out of your personal story, you are connecting to you at a deep level.
Writing is an escape and a safe passage into a new life and the next part of the journey.
Start today, get a journal, put it beside your bed, write when it suits you. Let it flow. Write anything, one word, just start.
So while World Mental Health Day is focusing on what is happening in the workplace, which can be like being thrown into a vipers nest. Please look around you, one of your friends could be where I was. You might be there now. How I wish I’d known how to ask for help and have had the courage to leave sooner.
There is always a reason that things happen if we just trust that we are always moving in the right direction and now is as it is meant to be.
It is only by becoming a witness to what is going on that we can learn more about ourselves. We cannot control others and it’s far easier to accept they do what they do with the best resources that they have. Others are not responsible for our happiness and often not even aware of makes them happy. It is in our reflections and in trusting our divine inner wisdom that we find the answers that are right for us. And then we can do the right thing for us.
Whatever you are doing this week, I trust that you will enjoy it. Happy reflections.
A few weeks ago when driving to the gym, a car in front slammed on his brakes and swerved onto the other side of the road causing the other driver to also slow.
He was trying to not run over a dead dog.
I pulled over. The scene was horrific. I have no idea if this is someone’s pet or if someone had grown tired of it and let it go.
I reached down to touch its ear as if somehow it might still be there. With three dogs of my own, it was distressing to think that this animal was left to suffer. Although one can hope that the suffering was short lived.
A lady stopped to ask if I was ok. She watched me – I was distressed – and protected me as I pulled its body out of the road. Others passing beeped I am not sure if they were annoyed or what.
Despite this animal already being dead, it didn’t seem right for its body to take any more cars driving over it.
And its body could help to cause an accident if more people decide to swerve to miss it.
Despite what you think about death or animals surely in all of this there is a message about doing the right thing? Moving the animal so no one gets hurt. For me, there is also a bigger message about our values.
I am not one to walk by. I don’t want to fix people, but I am a good friend and if I can support someone I will. I do what I think is the right thing at that moment. I also do what I think is right for me, whether that is for me personally or for the wider world based on my values.
There will be more things that crop up for me as my life progresses and I hope that I will always do the right thing – for me and the world.
I was left wondering what ‘right thing to do ‘ I am currently neglecting.
What about you?
I like this quote
Don’t try and do the right thing, because there is no right thing; there’s just the right thing for you. Scottie Thompson
It sums it up.
Your right thing will be based on your values and beliefs. You will act because what you are acting on means something to you.
When I see bullying or unfair behaviour if I can (safe to do so) I will halt it. Justice and fair play are values of mine.
This is a tough question. Sometimes the right thing is to walk away, other times it will be to act on something. Either way, you will know. Later, let’s say you walked away from something and you feel regret then you now have a choice, don’t you? Act or live with how you feel. It is never too late to apologise (or do what you consider to be the right thing). It may not get a good response and that is none of your business. Even if not acting meant that someone else did something to themselves or others, that is not your fault. It is all about choice at that moment.
Often the right thing requires no conscious deliberate thought, you simply act. When my dog was in a panic in the canal and the ex-husband did nothing, I went in and rescued him. Foolhardy? Maybe, but it was my right thing.
Think of people who say after a brave act, ‘oh it was nothing, anyone would have…’ These people are amazing. Would anyone do what they did? Who knows? Their internal values barometer said ‘act’ and they did.
Quite simply when you observe something, it will trigger a feeling in you. Notice how that feels and what it means to you. Can you stand by? Do you need to act? Trust plays such an important part of doing the right thing. Ask what do I feel about this?
If it is something that you can act on, that is not in the moment, go to your feelings and make a conscious decision based on them. You cannot know the future or the absolute outcome of your actions, but you can consider what might be the result. Feel what is your right thing and make a decision.
The other day something angered me. The anger was temporary. In fact, I laughed when I realised that I had been triggered by water leaking into my house through the negligence of a rubbish builder. I saw it as the anger igniting action. The actions that I then took were from a different place – a place of love.
As I said above you can not predict the outcome of every action. Let go of what the outcome will be. If you have acted from love and trust your feelings then chances are it will produce a good result. If it doesn’t what can you learn from that? What might you do differently next time?
The right thing will always be a personal choice. Always go with your feelings. Heart, gut and then head.
What right things are you neglecting? I’m sure I have a few.
Right things form part of our stories. Is your a story that you want to turn into a book? Yes? Then please give me a call and we can have an informal chat about writing a book.
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This gluten free banana bread is super easy to make and can be amended to suit your diet. So if you are vegan, swap the eggs for soaked chia or psyllium husks.
Today when I made this banana bread, I used up lots of left over flours. So I used a mix of rice, quinoa and soya flour.
1 egg = 1 tablespoon of flax meal or chia + 3 tablespoons water
1 egg = 3 tablespoons nut butter
1 egg = 1 teaspoon psyllium seed husk + 1/4 cup water (let it stand for 5 minutes; use = binding and moisture)
I will often add . Another yummy ingredient is papaya or try adding raw chocolate and raw grated beetroot.
Basically, add in other stuff that you fancy.
My first thoughts were yesterday when it was announced that Louise Hay had died peacefully were ‘she published her first book at 50 and look at what she created.’
It is this inspiration that I often see quoted when people talk about writing books, starting something new or overnight success. It is truly never too late to start again, publish a book, learn something new, reinvent yourself, because if there is one thing that this powerhouse of a woman taught is ‘you can do this.’ She also embodies the notion that giving up is not an option. Of course, you must give the rubbish up, but never give up on you and your dreams.
I have two packs of Louise Hay cards by the side of my computer, along with an Angel (not the furry one, a pewter one) and some crystals.
Today’s wisdom from the I can do it deck is
‘I get plenty of sleep every night. My body appreciates how I take care of it.’
After a long hot summer where I have been unable to sleep properly for over six weeks, I have blessed the coming of the recent storms because for two nights I have slept and I feel like new. It’s like the old has been washed away, new energy and a way of seeing the world a new has arrived.
The other side of the card also resonates with me, as you’d expect…
‘I loving do everything I can to assist my body in maintaining perfect health.’
I’m beginning to wonder if Louise is in the room with me. Yesterday, I had an angry day, and an injury which has been healing well raised its ugly head as my even uglier emotions took hold. Within a short space of time, I was in pain. Luckily as I am emotionally intelligent I could see what was happening and because I am anger aware I knew that this was a message for me. Our bodies are so freaking intelligent.
Louise Hay teaches in her book. You can heal your life that our thoughts create our life experiences. That the way to happiness, inner peace and contentment is learning to love yourself.
‘Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. Louise Hay’
I learned that an injury to the back left side ribs is as you would expect is about support, the past and carrying guilt which creates pain.
‘The left side of the body is often regarded as the feminine side, the receiving side, where you take in. It represents, among other things, the mother.’
Without going into too much detail about my injury and life, this will come as no surprise as it is spot on. The way forward is to forgive, let go and let love.
‘Forgiveness is for yourself because it frees you. It lets you out of that prison you put yourself in. Louise Hay’
When I think about growing up and the environment that I found myself in, it wasn’t the greatest. It didn’t lack in love, more that it was hard to demonstrate it because of many conflicts. For myself, early sexual abuse and later being groomed meant that I carried a huge burden of guilt and I certainly did not know how to love myself.
‘If your mother did not know how to love herself, or your father did not know how to love himself, then it would be impossible for them to teach you to love yourself. They were doing the best they could with what they had been taught as children. Louise L. Hay’
When my dad died, mum and I said that we would remember the man, not the behaviour and would continue to love him. My dad was awesome; you just wouldn’t want to be married to him. Parents teach us a lot, but we can teach them too and while they don’t get given a manual for dealing with life, neither do we. However, parents can become friends and trusted partners, and if you allow it, together, you can both grow. That’s what mum and I have done. We have learned just a little bit more about forgiveness and self-love. It is never too late to see your parents with new eyes, and one would hope that they can see into your soul too.
It does matter what age you are, giving up on things that are important to you is not an option. Here are three things that I am thinking about today in light of the life, celebration and times of Louise Hay.
This incredible woman published her first book; You can heal your life aged 50. Five O! How amazing is that? If you have something you want to do, now seems like a good time to me. Surround yourself with supporters, people who believe in you as you do yourself and champions who get your ‘cause’. Never give up on yourself or your dreams.
‘What you choose to think about yourself and about life becomes true for you. Louise Hay’
Every single moment of the day, your body is speaking to you. Stop what you are doing and breathe into all of the spaces in turn. What do you notice? Never stop listening to your body and doing the right things to support it, so that it supports you.
‘When there is a problem, there is not something to do, there is something to know. Louise Hay’
There is an Oscar Wilde quote which I love ‘be yourself; everyone else is taken.’ When you learn to love yourself, you can (I promise) be you. Not the you that others expect or the one you think you should display, the you that is just you.
‘I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the very best in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it. Louise Hay’
I am sure you will have your thoughts about the life and works of Louise Hay. She has left an incredible legacy. You can too because it is never too late to learn to love you, be you and share what you have learned about yourself.
Just think of all of the lives she has touched. Imagine if you could touch just one other person, who touches another and so on – how that make change the world. That could be your legacy. Giving up is not an option.
In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete.
The left side of the body is often regarded as the feminine side, the receiving side, where you take in. It represents,…
Have you tried listening to your body? There is a lot of advice about how to hear what your body is saying. It’s all useful. However, you have to discover the way in which your body speaks to you. If you have tried numerous ways and they are not working, it is simply that you haven’t found the right way for listening to your body, you have given up too soon, and don’t trust what you are hearing.
Listening to your body is not difficult, more that we make it difficult by not having the faith that we can hear what it has to offer.
Take a moment now and scan your body in any way that feels right. What do you notice? Anything? Any words come into your head? Pain? Tingles? What?
Every day millions of signals are being sent around your amazing body. Think about this, how do you know when you need water or food or what time to go to bed? That is your body telling you ‘hey, I’m hungry or sleepy.’ What you do next with the signal is up to you. Even when your body says it’s hungry, you may punish it for speaking by feeding it a Snickers (how could you!) instead of something nutritious. Then there are the signs that something more serious is happening, and if you do not heed these messages, then chances are you will get a communication that you do not enjoy.
I used to weight train obsessively. Going for the burn and pushing myself further and further. It is no wonder that there were times that I didn’t want to get up at 5 am and head to the gym. However, I rarely listened, fearing that I would lose my fitness or worse still my thin body would get fat if I didn’t go. Afterwards, I’d tell myself that it was enjoyable. Sometimes, I was lying.
It wasn’t until in my early 30’s did I slow up and then it was only because my body said no more. It put out signals that I had pernicious anaemia. As my great grandmother had died from it, somehow it made sense. One day not long after my 3 B12 injection, I heard a small voice saying ‘you don’t have it, you’ve stressed your body, eat differently and try to relax.’ Being the curious and competitive type, I set out to prove that I did not have this illness. 12 months later, changes in diet and lifestyle and I was proven right.
This was not the first time that I was to prove the doctors wrong after I had not listened to my voice. It was also not to be the first time I changed my diet to find a solution. My problem was that although I learnt that nutrition was one of the keys I consistently waited until pain came.
Pain can come from an immediate trauma (you fall over) or from a long hidden and neglected emotional issue or both. When we choose to ignore emotional issues they find a way of screaming at you and no surprise that a body part starts to hurt. Accidents are a way of highlighting an emotional issue. At the time it feels like an accident, but I know that not to be true.
There are many books that you can refer to which will tell you what the underlying emotion for a presenting physical pain is. One such book is Louise Hay’s You can heal your life. Books like this are a good start, in that they get you exploring and thinking. However, you must find your answers and you can only do this when you get to know your body intimately.
Explore your body as you read this, is there a pain or niggle anywhere? Ask it (I know that might seem silly, but try) why it is hurting. Trust what comes back. I did something to my ribs which resulted in a constant stabbing pain (among other things). When I asked, I was told that I had been stabbed. It wasn’t the first time that I had experienced this stabbing, and I have been told that I had been stabbed in a past life; I had just forgotten.
When I went inside this time to explore. The words came back that this was related to a past life, which has come forward now as a wise council. I learnt that I needed to slow down, and I had to stay away from needy, bullying people. Again this was not the first time my back has reacted to this kind of individuals. I had a pattern of attracting people that were not right for me. It also confirmed what I’d read about guilt.
Your body never lies
Not sleeping properly is a clear sign that something is amiss. Persistent insomnia is telling you that you have something to address. When I wasn’t sleeping in my perimenopausal years, it turned out to be because of an undiagnosed thyroid issue. After not sleeping for two years, I radically changed my diet (again), and as I started to feel better, I was determined to find out why. I don’t know why, but I do know now that the doctor at the time had ignored my blood test results telling me that all was well. However, through changes I made, I sorted it out. Naturally, I wish too that I had changed my diet immediately rather than after trying far too many other solutions.
“Learning to make space for the breath is fundamental to health. The mind and breath are intimately connected. Our practice should open the heart, calm the mind and expand the breath. If we can do that, we open the door to managing stress, reacting less and sleeping well” Anandi
Being tired all the time seems to be an epidemic. So many people say that they are tired. Chances are they are eating a rubbish diet, not drinking enough water, not taking time out or getting any fresh air. Getting back to a fully topped up battery may seem like an uphill battle. Too weary to prepare nutritious food that your body wants, you many find yourself eating high sugar snacks. All these do is wreck your system. Even if your diet is good, it could be that you are not eating often enough and working all hours. Not only can this be through poor nutrition, but it can also be because you are failing to nourish your soul. Only you can know what is making you tired if you take the time to trust, listen with open eyes and ears.
I have been guilty of this. Busy with my nose in my writing or rushing to finish something I ignore the signs that I need watering and feeding. Later when I stop, I find that I can’t be bothered to prepare something good and go for crackers and cheese. After that doesn’t satisfy me, I reach for something else quick, only to wish that I had bothered to prepare a delicious meal. This laziness can become a not so good habit which in time depletes your body of its vitality and leads to feeling tired, not sleeping or any number of aches and pains. It’s way too easy to lose touch with your body’s signals about what it wants to eat. This is also a way of punishing yourself for something else – what might that be?
If you experience these, it is your body telling you that you have eaten something it doesn’t like. Pretty obvious isn’t it? It is also your body telling you that there is something in your life that you are not digesting. Make a note of when this happens. Is it after certain foods or following interaction with someone or something or a combination of things. Just in case you are wondering, yes I have suffered from this and yes I did change my diet. Sadly I didn’t address the people in my life.
Lack of energy, not sleeping, and not nourishing yourself will ultimately lead to a fuzzy brain. Your stomach is your second brain and where you process food and life. If what you put in is not providing the right nutrients then it is no wonder you cannot think. Your brain needs water and glucose. If you refuse it water, for example, it will send out distress signals, which invariably you will interpret as hunger. Fooled into thinking, you are hungry; typically you will reach for a sugary snack. Ouch, once again you have punished your body for talking to you and further fuelling your cloudy vision.
As you can see your body has many blunt ways of communicating with you. It starts off whispering and when you don’t listen, clobbers you quite violently. It says ‘Oi you, yes you! You didn’t listen, so have this. Bosh!’
Now is as good a time as any to start to communicate with your body. No matter where you find yourself, make a choice right now that no matter how hard this seems at first, you will get connected and stay connected.
Before you can hear anything you need to be in a relaxed state. One of the simplest ways of doing this is to have a bath. Other methods include massage, reflexology, walking, meditating and sitting quietly in a space that promotes calm. There is something quite powerful about the simple life.
I’ve learnt an incredible amount about breath from my amazing client and friend Anandi (aka The Sleep Guru). She has written called The Surrendered Breath. It describes the five vayus (five parts of prana or breath) and how breath can promote well-being and sleep. What Anandi teaches are ways to connect to the breath and how to send it to different parts of the body. In using the breath in a variety of ways, you create a space for communication to occur. Put your hands on your tummy and practice breathing into your hands. Keep it slow and steady and if rubbish comes into your head, count. As you find ways to connect to your breath, you will hear your body talking to you.
I am not quite sure how to describe this. What I do is connect to my third eye which is between my normal eyes and send it off around my body exploring what is going on. You can send it into all of your nooks and crannies. Have an open mind to what comes back. Like the breath, you’ll get all kinds of information coming back to you.
Place your hands on the spot that hurts and ask ‘what’s going on, what do you want to tell me, what else do I need to know?’ Your hands are fabulous communication transmitters. I often put one hand on my heart and one on my solar plexus and have a chat.
Sitting quietly contemplating some of my aches and how I could support my body, I received a message ‘pea protein’. At this point in my life, I am quite used to getting odd words or pictures in my head, so as soon as I heard this, I went to explore it. As a veggie, it was my bodies way of say here is another source of protein that will be useful, please buy me some.
All kinds of messages can come in dreams. How you interpret the words and pictures are as individual as you are. Again, dream books are useful but more useful is asking yourself what the images mean to you. You dream in metaphors, and these are particular to you. I once dreamt of a thing called a yarrow pea; it was enormous. When I researched yarrow, I discovered that it was excellent for hot flushes.
When I am planning something to eat, I ask my tum what it wants. Yeah, I know barking mad. However, as I start to pull a dish together, it gives me a signal of what to put with what. And who am I to argue with a tummy?
A tool that I was introduced to almost thirty years ago is a pendulum. Today I have many and use the one that I feel attracted to for the question I have. I will make a video to show you how I use it later in the week. Your pendulum connects and communicates with your unconscious and responds with a yes or no to a question. I typically use it which foods to eat when. Again more on this in another blog.
The only advice I can give you is that you try things out and find out what works for you. My favourites are my hands and my pendulum. However, I am grateful for the words and pictures that come seemingly unbidden.
This human container which is made up of energy which is connected to and resonates with the Cosmos and therefore all wisdom. It has its own innate divine wisdom and as such is an incredible device for telling you what you need to know. Acknowledge it, love it, work with it and you will receive the knowledge about how to improve your well-being.
Begin today. Like anything, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Ultimately, only you can listen, and work out what your body is saying and which tools to use. Are you listening to your body?
My monkey brain chatters and spits out vile discordant rhymes. She cackles as she tightens her grip on my heart of desires. Delighting in grievous gossip as she holds the floor with my many parts. A mad conductress flipping her baton in time to some other dance which is not mine. At least not what my heart truly desires.
The many parts of me discuss and dissect me and decide what I should be doing. They have another agenda and it’s not what is inside my heart. My beautiful heart full of wisdom, love and lessons to share.
I stand my ground. Why do these parts think that they can dictate how I do things? They must know that I hate to be told? Is that it? Are they revelling in their power and control over me? These parts are just that parts and can be overruled. I can make conscious decisions. I can be a child of the Cosmos, full of cosmic wonder. I can create inner bridges and bring together the many squabbling animals that run riot in my brain so that we can sing one harmony. The harmony of my heart.
The cruel words which lived too long in my heart and spent a lifetime being heard are no more.
I made a choice to unite the Monkey of doubt, frustration and uncertainty with the Fairy of delight – that inner child who wants to bring laughter, light and love into to my heart.
If you were anything like me you have lived with a heart full of self-limiting beliefs and a chasm a mile wide to your divine inner wisdom, faith, self-love and trust.
Something always wakes us up and then we have to make a choice about what we are going to do about it. Deciding often seems like the easy part once you set a process in motion. Because every day you tell yourself I must do these things. These will help me to heal and build a bridge over my troubled waters.
The good news is that it does get easier and the little things that you do work their magic until they are a part of you.
There are many parts of us (self) that sometimes feel conflicted and separate. Like a gap in the gorge, it can seem like an impossible task to create a bridge from one side to the other.
I found that until I worked (yes it was work) with these conflicted parts I really didn’t like me much.
Not that I hated myself – more that when I looked in the mirror the person looking back didn’t feel whole. It took a series of accidents which slowed me right down to enable me to learn to love myself again. When your body changes shape and you are in physical pain you have to make some choices.
Let it define who you are or build some inner bridges.
I hadn’t considered if the bridge was built until someone came to stay. Instead of writing her book, she unravelled before my eyes. I saw me, a younger, unaware, asleep and in pain me and it hurt. I knew we were a gift for each other. Me to see that I had crossed the bridge and I did love myself and for her to see that she would come to love herself. What we needed was courage to move forward.
Bridges don’t just appear, they take work and they need maintaining.
I do little things every day to let myself know that I am worth loving myself. These keep the inner bridges in a good state. What about you? What inner bridges need some loving kindness and compassion applying? What about the things that you have done which could help someone else, what are they?
My dad said to my mum ‘I’ll be your bridge over troubled water.’ He wasn’t, he was the troubled water. No matter, because she too has, despite her 77 years done some deep inner bridge building since he died. It is never too late to start your journey to self-love.
What is the story that runs through your veins that keep the many parts of you separate? Write. I find that connecting to my heart and allowing my muse to guide me always brings out ‘stuff’ that helps me to see the bigger picture of self.
What do you discover about yourself, once you have reflected on your tale? How is your story limiting you and holding you back? Can you see why you may not love yourself completely?
Look at your story and allow yourself to be immersed in the story of the parts of you. Next ask, what if you could immerse yourself in your desires? What are these desires? What has to happen to allow you to embrace what it is you really want? How could you build inner bridges and reunite the parts of you that feel scattered?
When you disconnect from your dreams, life can feel a bit stuck. What would your ‘perfect’ day look like? Start your day with a wander into your dreams and feel, see, hear, smell, taste and sense of your life. Doing this takes me into a new story of self, where I get to focus on what I want, and this feeds my soul.
It is well known that a smile will change how you feel like nothing else. When I take my dogs for a walk, I make a point to smile at anyone I meet. Generally, they smile back. It makes such a difference. Take the time to smile at yourself and watch your mood lift. Even if you think you look a tad bedraggled and perhaps your mood is not the greatest, do it and your day will change.
Start to notice how you speak to yourself. These words are etched on your body. While you may tattoo yourself with a positive affirmation, you would not dream of writing your words of hatred on you for all to see. Your body can hear your words. Notice what they are and start to change them.
What I find helps me is to keep post it notes in the kitchen and bathroom and write little love notes to me. I feel fab when I find them (not sure how I could have forgotten I wrote them) and they help reinforce a positive self-image and love. When I find the notes, I say aloud what is on them.
I also start the day by looking in the mirror and saying something loving to me. And whenever I catch myself about to criticise me, I turn it around.
Grab a copy of steps to self-love and create yourself a daily routine that bit by bit helps you to build your inner bridge to self-love.