February is my time to focus on health and journaling
February 2018 and my focus is firmly on my health and journaling. Without my health I have nothing and without journaling, for me at least there is no clarity.
I’m journaling every day, although yesterday, I couldn’t write, it was a day of letting go and not focusing on this condition that I had been told I have. Osteoporosis doesn’t sound like much, but it is devastating for some. Think about this, your skeleton holds you up, or ‘puts you in good standing’, it is at the core of your existence. Or consider that bone is a matrix, which means womb or mother – the centre of your creation.
What if someone told you that the centre of who you were was not functioning?
I don’t know if everyone looks at things as I do, but I need to know how things work, why things happen, how to change and challenge what is going on and to consider things from many angles. Reading, writing and journaling do this for me.
Right now this is what I am doing. Another me project.
I started with writing some letters to people I needed to communicate with on a soul level. I put pen to paper and didn’t say I want to write to this one or that one, I just started with what emerged from my journaling.
Then I wrote a love letter to me. Then I had a brainwave. For that read a not so clever idea right now…
Love letters to me seemed like a good idea until I had to sit and think about writing them all. At first, there was one for the full moon, and then I thought, what if I wrote one for every day of February. I soon realised that although I am forever grateful for my amazing journey into self-love, a letter a day was exceeding the goals and bounds of desires for this month. Plus I didn’t have the energy. I’m tired and in pain and that takes lots of self-love and rest.
I did spend some time in bed in agonising pain, dulled by meditation, medication (natural) and sleep. I dreamt some odd things. I thought about intimacy and would love ever find it’s way to me? I was starting to explore the matrix of my being more and more.
Because it is February and so many peoples focus is on love, I, of course, did wander into flights of fancy. After several days in bed dreaming that my true love’s heart might be pierced with Cupids bow, I fast came to the conclusion that this February would (and should) be more about melting my fears for my spine health rather than the deluge of Valentine’s cards that would be coming my way. Or any romance for that matter.
At this point, the only man I will be asking to be mine and my valentine is Ferdy Dog, my ten-year-old Vizsla who has been with me since he was 18 months old. So cute and just as cute are his sisters Marley Moo and Angel. There is something rather fun about watching these three mad dogs play around as we have family time. Where we live is Europe’s only natural desert, we are surrounded by hills and dry river beds which give them plenty of running which I hope maintains their heart health, among other things. I hope that they continue to enjoy good health from all of the good life and fun that they have.
I’d be pretty surprised if he (Ferdy Dog) did send a card covered in red love hearts or some Chocolate Roses. Not that I would thank you for the sugary candy even if they were served with ice cream as I try my hardest (read my life depends on it) to eat a healthy diet. The funny thing is my neighbour sent over some alcohol-infused cherries and strawberries. I tried a few and decided to be strong. It’s funny isn’t it, our view of how to cheer someone up. I’d probably send a card, someone else flowers and yet another chocolates or wine. That’s our connection with comfort and love I guess?
Luckily while he (the friend) was here, he lugged some logs upstairs for me, so if the promised snowstorm or freezing rain arrives, I will be toasty. I’m feeling excessively cold and my body temperature is low, I’ve figured that my body is working amazingly well and conserving its energy for the vital work it needs to do. Trying to stay warm indoors is tough at this time of year, and I often get more comfort being outside and feeling those gorgeous rays on my face and gazing up into the beautiful blues that create a canopy over my world.
It’s quite bizarre how the weather here changes, one minute it is summer, then winter; we are sometimes fooled into thinking that spring has come early only to find we are still in winter. Making sure that I can stay warm and take advantage of the natural heat outside are part of my regime. And anyway we need natural sunlight for vitamin D production. Although mine might be wonky?
After being trapped inside, I found myself with cabin fever. You’ll know it when you feel it – you have to get outside. I could hear the birds singing and I wanted to fly free, just as they were.
One of the things that I love about living here is the number of birds that find their way to this area. At the moment the winter birds are here, hiding in trees, but you can certainly hear them singing their happy morning tunes at dawn. Soon my family of swallows will arrive and start the business of producing babies. I’ve thought about leaving them some bird food but figured that they have been coming here for years and know where the best insects are. It seems obvious, they need, like I do, food from natural sources. However, I’ll know when they are here because I will see them swooping under my terrace and start leaving deposits in an array of colours.
Last year the nest fell and all of the babies died. I cried. It was devastating. The sadness seemed to stay and each time I went into this space I wondered how the parents must be feeling. This malaise was soon lifted as I began to see the nest being reformed. Little by little it was rebuilt. The matrix, the womb of swallow creation had been reborn. Their nest rebuilding gives me hope that my matrix will be rebuilt. They have done just as nature prescribes. A good lesson for me.
I read somewhere that when birds come to stay it’s a gift and I certainly see it that way. No time for the February blues when you know an extension of your family is about to arrive.
This osteoporosis news and journey everything feels a bit like Groundhog Day, as I keep researching, journaling and reflecting. How did this happen? That’s my recurring Groundhog moment. This will soon change, it is changing, as I start treating myself nutritionally and looking at ways to bring my body’s biochemistry back into balance – reform the matrix and the core of my existence. I guess it’s like planting seeds and spring bulbs and waiting to see them grow and flourish. Or in my case, my bone health improve. So no ice skating for me for a while!
With nutrition on my mind, yesterday morning I was pondering toast (oh no – but gluten-free), my usual hot porridge and everything breakfast or pancakes made with pea protein covered in raw chocolate sauce. Right now I know, nutritionally dense with the odd lapse is the way to go. Sadly my usual weekly bout of family baking is on hold as it is a bit too painful to stand over a hot food processor, no matter how easy it is to use. Strange isn’t to have to think of how to use your body differently while you cook, wash and no I am not cleaning – I’m lucky that I have a lovely cleaner who helps me out. I’ve become so much more conscious of how I move and sit.
I love to learn and as you can see I find my mind focused on journaling, nutrition and reading books from my vast library. All of this reading is giving me food for thought – no pun intended. And as you can imagine because I have gorged myself on all of this reading, I’m now at that stage where it is all a blur. Last night every article I bought up I heard myself saying yeah, yeah, yadda, yadda, blah, blah. Time to stop, reflect and integrate it all, methinks. That’s where my trusty pen supports me.
The time for congratulations will come. In fact, when I have compared my 2016 blood results to the current ones, I am congratulating myself for things like thyroid health – in this category I am rocking. There is something very special about being given a project – in my case – healing the imbalance in my bones matrix and creating milestones along the way. Congratulations go a long way to keeping you on track, motivated and inspired.
So this February my focus is on health and journaling. As I always say journaling, writing and words have the power to heal. Start your journaling now if you find yourself where I am. Your writing will help you to make sense and then you can decide what do with your wise words. I hope that you will write a book and help yourself to heal and inspire another to start their journey.
If writing a book is on your mind and you have a powerful personal story that you want to birth into the world, please connect with me and let’s explore where this might take you.
101 days of being me
Subscribe to get your quotes and journaling prompts