How To Forgive Others And Find Personal Contentment - Dale Darley

How To Forgive Others And Find Personal Contentment

When you can forgive others you will find a way to forgive yourself and then personal contentment will find you

What does to forgive really mean?

Forgive means to let go. It doesn’t mean to forget or to condone the actions of others or yourself. It is a powerful opportunity to declutter your shit and let go of the past. It means that you can open a space to the beautiful soul that you resides within you. In the shadow of unforgiveness lies fear, guilt and shame. In the light is inner peace and contentment.


Walking in the rambla with my dogs is the perfect place to meditate. Only yesterday I felt low, rock bottom low. Surround by beauty, I ask myself so what’s the problem? My friends love me for my generosity of spirit and of course, my mum adores her little girl. Something was troubling me and there was only one person to chew this over with – my mum.

Years ago I sat with her on the beach surrounded by families chatting, playing games and performing other normal family beach activities. That day I needed to tell her something that I knew would drive a knife into her heart. This was the moment when I would pluck up the courage to tell my mum about not only the babysitter who had sexually abused me but also the couple who had groomed me.

She sat amidst the noise without a change in her expression. Almost as if I’d said ‘hey mum what’s the time?’ The lioness was processing the information. Her heart felt as if it had been ripped from her chest. Yet her love for me held her together.

Over the years we have talked about many things, openness and love give us strength. We are not mother and daughter but soul sisters journeying Mother Earth.

We chatted and she said you know I think that although you feel that you have dealt with the past and you have intellectually rationalised it, you are holding onto it and that’s why you are in such pain still.

The truth is I didn’t need to be told this, I had felt it in my heart for some time, but couldn’t and wouldn’t acknowledge it. Only because I had rationalised it already and therefore it was dealt with – wasn’t it?

I felt the old I am strong I don’t need help I can fight this Jacqui rise up to defend herself. Instead, I met a gentle open soul who said yes mum it’s time to let go. Although in that moment I did not know how.

Later that evening I started a new journal for this fresh start and asked the question what would it mean to forgive others and myself so that I felt more content?

What forgiveness means to me

Forgiveness means to let go. FOR GIVE NESS. TO LET GO.

I live my life by a four point plan

  1. Juice – How can I bring more juice to my life?
  2. Eliminate – How can I eliminate what does not serve me?
  3. Nourish – How can I nourish my soul?
  4. Write – What does my soul want to tell me?


When I stay focused on these, I can always find a way to resolve my stuff.

 1. Understand what you will get when you forgive

What will I get when you forgive others for what they have done and this includes what you perceive that they have done? It’s not only others but you must find it in your heart to forgive yourself for how you feel about what has happened to you. You must also look at where you have wronged others and seek forgiveness for those acts. For the moment we are looking at forgiving others.

I find the five-word mini mind map helps me with this. First I start with forgive in the middle and write five words about what that means to me. E.g. forget, pardon, ignore, neglect, overlook. And then I add a new branch and ask what will I get? E.g. power (personal), courage, space, peace, pain-free, contentment. After which I can explore what this means to me in my journal.

2. Identify those that you feel need your forgiveness

This can include perpetrators of ‘crimes’ against you to those that have crossed your values. There will always be degrees of people and behaviours. I find getting the toughest out of the way first worked for me. I say this because when you start at the root and work your way up you will also notice how the things that happened because of source hurts have affected and infected other areas of your life and these too can be healed. A bit like a domino.

3. Acknowledge your feelings

This can be hard. For so long I have stuffed down feelings of anger and resentment for the people who have stolen something very precious from me. However, in the mire are so many gifts. Anger and resentment do not disappear overnight because they have a way of leaking out and presenting themselves in other parts of your life and in your body. What are the feelings that rise up when you think of others?

4.    Forgive

How to let go is the question? There are many ways to do this. Mine is to journal, to then write each of them letters which get burned with rosemary. Typically I will do this on a full moon.

You might write in your journal and then set an intention to let go. You may see cords coming from your body to theirs and cut them. What is important is that you find your way.

Not forgiving is like drinking poison

There is a saying that revenge is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die, well that’s what not forgiving does. It invades your system like a worm, a parasite that slowly embeds itself in your colon and sucks the nourishment from you soul.

To live a juicy, decluttered and nourished life we must let go. If only it were as easy as drinking softened linseeds eh?

How will you embrace letting go this full moon?

As I say my greatest ally is my journal and my writing. When you are ready to explore your soul and what might be slowing your personal growth, please contact me.

101 days of being me

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Dale Darley

Book writing coach, writer and author. Inspiring the freedom to be. Helping to make sense of jumbled mess and bringing order to chaos, simply. Creating a safe place where your voice is heard, you find self-love and know that you are loved. Helping you to share your story in a book. Mum to three dogs and a family of swallows. Life without cake is a life unlived.