February 8, 2023
February 8, 2023

One of the first big moments that I lost my confidence was when I was made redundant. I’d been headhunted by someone I knew well, and all seemed in order. Within 11 months, he left to pursue a role as a consultant, and this move had been long planned.

You can imagine how it felt the day I discovered this. My heart fell into my gut, and I knew that the new MD, who dismissed marketing as nonsense, would soon have me out on my ear. Sure enough, one week later, I left.

The drive home was uncomfortable despite the top down on my car and the loud music playing. I hurt, and I felt utterly worthless.

Losing a job has to be one of the most awful things in terms of confidence. It’s losing a part of you. For a month, I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. However, as soon as I did, I was offered several consultancy roles and slowly but surely started to feel like my old confident self again.

I think that self-confidence can be hard to define because it’s a feeling and a feeling that is unique to the individual. You will know when you feel confident and when you don’t. You may also feel confident in some areas of your life and not in others.

The best way to look at confidence is to look at fear, uncertainty, doubt and self-worth (FUDS for short – how I love making up new words!!!) and understand how each of these affects our ability to feel confident about who we are, what we do and how we show up.

We all have knowledge, skills and experiences that are stashed away in our inner resources container. But something, like my event, stops us from trusting and believing that we have the right to access and use them.

What happens is that you find yourself suddenly letting self-doubt creep in, and you start asking, can I do this? Or your inner critic will pop up and say if only I have enough confidence or some other quality to do this.

Confidence has a lot to do with liking who you are. In fact, I’d say it’s deeper than that. It’s about self-love and acceptance.

I always ask what the worst thing that could happen when you try something new or scary is. I decide that I am going to give something a go because the best thing that could happen is that I learn something new about myself and get feedback on the thing that I have just tried.

When things feel hopeless, it seems that this is all we have. However, if we stopped for a moment and asked what do I have, you will see that you have some great foundations to build on.

I’m never surprised that I have confidence in some areas and little confidence in other areas. I’m also never surprised that no matter where I am on the confidence scale, I can become derailed and find myself wondering how I got myself into a hole.

It’s at times like these that I pick myself up and remind myself that the people around me do not define me and that what they do or say is a reflection of them and their life. Although in the moment, I can feel pretty awful. This is where my journal supports me. When I write about how I feel, things start to make sense. I pick myself up by my boots, look at what’s happened, take on board the feelings and learning and do something about it.

Stepping into confidence

I have this great exercise called the stepping into confidence exercise (it’s a PDF that you can download). My invitation is for you to try it. It’s about stepping into confidence and then being able to use all of the resources to do whatever it is you need to.

Confidence and the solar plexus

Confidence sits in the solar plexus alongside assertiveness, personal power and your identity. When you work on the solar plexus and these things, you will find that you become more confident in many areas of your life.

What is confidence?

Confidence is unique to you

No matter who defines what confidence is, it will be unique to you, and it’s worth keeping a note of where you feel confident and where it desserts you.

Confidence is acknowledging fear and not giving in

Confidence and courage go hand in hand, and together they will support you to not give in. It is important to know what being scared or fearful feels or looks like, acknowledge it exists, and equally important to not submit to it – being courageous. Doing something new can be a little scary – have faith that all will be good and as it should be and call on your positive mindset – being confident.

Confidence is about trust

Trust yourself, and trust in yourself so that others can trust you. It is also feeling certain that you can and if you can’t, certain that you will find a way. I love people who just say yes (in the right circumstances) and then work out how.

Confidence is a knowing

Confidence is also believing and knowing that you are your best resource and asset. Confidence is acknowledging that you are scared, but trusting, believing and being certain about what you ‘put out there’ is great stuff.

Look around you. Who do you see, think, sense or know is confident? How do you know? Have you spoken with them, read their blog, or heard great things from others? Are they quietly confident or incredibly charismatic, or somewhere in-between? You can learn a lot from watching and noticing other people. Ask yourself right now, what does confidence mean to you?

Questions to ask

  • What does confidence mean to you?
  • What does it look like?
  • What does it feel like?
  • What does it sound like?
  • When do you feel at your most confident?
  • When you put certain clothes on, do you feel confident? Why?
  • What activities can you tackle with confidence?
  • What makes you feel good about yourself?

Remember to try this stepping into confidence exercise (it’s a PDF that you can download). Try it out, and let me know how you got on.

Check out 101 Days Of Being Me. Who knows who or where you will be in 101 days?

Hidden Content

My mission is to encourage and empower you to step into the wisdom of your heart and embrace self-love, self-worth and confidence so that you discover that all-important inner peace.