This week has been rather lovely. I did feel a bit raaarrrr just before the full moon and then the anger floated away. But then something stirred me yesterday which surprised me. I reminded myself…
It’s ok to not be ok. I wasn’t ok.
Instead, I was perplexed why this normally peaceful and contented woman should want to vent her spleen. But something, in fact two things got my goat and I needed to take action.
I felt trapped by this strange feeling. I walked the dogs, but still it wouldn’t go. I smudged myself several times and still I felt my body rigid.
For the few hours that followed my anger, something strange happened to me. My normal positive, I can see the good and lessons in everything left me.
Calm disappeared, and I witnessed myself getting into a tizzy. Like an out of body experience I watched me from the outside in.
Ice cream, dinner and hot chocolate with Amaretto did nothing to assuage this blight on my being.
Later I found solace writing this blog, knowing as ever writing is always my saviour. But still the lump remained in my chest.
Later, when I was no longer engrossed in my writing I sat pondering the anger. I knew the source, of course I did. It shocked me to think that I could still be triggered. That all of these years later there was stuff that needed to be let go off.
The full moon energy that I had thought I had sailed through was here to remind me that there was still work to do. I smiled wryly.
I thought of what I teach and how I always remind others that we must look beneath our resistance to the root so that we know why we are unable to manifest some things.
That’s me told!!!
I did laugh, eventually. I laughed as well as I’d also had an awesome Tarot reading and choose not to explore the path of love. The anger earlier in the day had shut me off and I did not want to know.
This is a lovely quote and as I read it I knew that the lesson was a gift – eventually…
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars. Og Mandino
Anger is the ignition for action
I was reminded again that anger is an igniter. What I did next had to be in love. In love, I could achieve anything. To achieve anything, there needs to be tinder – the situation – the igniter for change – anger and the fuel for change – love. Anger is just an emotion that is igniting something bigger. Not necessarily world-shattering, but something greater than me, and that has to be good.
Working from love
Enjoy the journey. Every day work towards being your best self. Never lose sight of the love that you are.
We may not be able to stop the things that are making us angry. However, it’s well known and well-trodden advice that we can change how we choose to respond.
Think of how much energy it takes to respond with anger. Yeah, loads. We could end up feeling drained of energy and unable to think clearly. If instead (after the first flush of anger) we chose to focus on our hearts and send love to ourselves and the world while affirming that today you choose peace and love – how might that feel?
Be aware of your anger
Anger is a natural emotion. I think because we are taught to not show it or deal with it by suppressing it, that we see it as one of the not so good emotions. But all emotion is good. It just depends on how you view it. Through what lens does this emotion need to be seen?
There are triggers for all emotions. Someone loads up the metaphorical gun and shoots it. It could be a beautiful romantic scene in a film or photos of extreme cruelty.
No matter what the trigger, there will have been a thing which launches a 1000 ships into the neural pathways of your brain.
Learning to become aware of your trigger points is essential. I know quite a few of mine, and they mostly involve animals. I also know that when I do not set good boundaries and allow someone to take advantage of my kind nature – I get cross.
I’ve learned through journaling and reflecting to reframe and walk around my emotions to understand what I need to learn and what I need to do.
Because of writing, I am so much more self-aware.
I used to think that holding anger in was good. That anger was ugly and destructive, and in a way, it can be. It can help to destroy something not so great to let the young shoots of hope emerge. Once you acknowledge it, are aware of it and the triggers, you can harness that energy.
What I learn is that I can harness the knowledge that something still triggers me to get to the root and use the energy to deal with it. What about you?
Because you have anger or feel angry, it does not make you a bad person. It makes you human. When the devil dances with your demons, you have choices. Make the first one to not judge yourself. Remember you are feeling anger in the moment, just as you would joy or love.
Be aware of your emotions and experience them without judgement. Avoid adding in tales of why and who you are because you acted or felt a certain way. Simply observe.
Dig deeper into the roots
I always want to know why I acted or felt a certain way. After all of these years of writing and digging into the muck, I am used to allowing my curiosity to go on an adventure with my past. It’s in the roots of who we are and those things that have moulded us that the answers lie.
I see the past as an encyclopedia to be referenced rather than a place to dwell. But this is only after years of writing and burning my journals and probably jumping on bits of paper with peoples names on.
Write to explore and reflect. Talk it through. Scribble and mind map. The roots will expose themselves for you to explore.
I am a bugger for isolating myself when I get upset. Other people find it easy to tell me all of their woes, and I am a good listener, and I think because I do this for others, I don’t want to inflict myself on them.
The truth is talking and being heard is so helpful. But you must find the right person, and they may not be your friends. When you feel like hiding under the bed and telling the world to eff off, find someone you trust and can pay to listen.
Please stay connected to the world and don’t isolate yourself.
Show yourself some compassion
As I have said anger is normal so cut yourself some slack. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing to be ashamed off. It is however our responsibility to choose how we respond in the future and how we manage our emotions around the things that come to bite us on the bum.
Awareness is everything. When we are aware we can examine our relationship with anger and other associated emotions.
Most importantly in the process of digging deep and understanding ourselves let’s be kind and compassionate.
Compassion will help you to be honest with yourself. I also think that compassion helps us to understand the pain we feel when stuff happens.
When you feel angry, go and find a mirror. Open your eyes, take a good hard look into them and let it rip. Watch your face contort and be a witness to your rage. Another way to tackle this is to film yourself. Believe you me this is not attractive, but it is eye-opening. And very releasing.
I keep saying it, but this is one of the best ways to find yourself. Sit with your pen and stir the pot of inner stillness once you have released the words onto the page.
A lovely way to view your anger or any emotion from a distance is to write yourself a letter. Put it in an envelope and in a few weeks, send it to yourself. I’m sure you will be tempted to tear it up but do it.
When it arrives, you will be some time away from the event, and it will be curious reading. I wonder how you will feel?
If you think that you will not send it, do it on Moonpig, buy the card and put in a future delivery date.
Creative life writing
This is a favourite activity. Take your anger and write a piece of fiction. Be creative. Make it short with a twist at the end. There was a period of my life when I was prolific with these and boy did some people come to a nasty end.
Start sketching out your story with your challenge, what are your choices, and which outcome will you choose?
- Challenge – What was your challenge? Why did you feel it was a challenge? It could be a challenge that you set yourself or a challenging situation.
- Choices – Why did you make the choice you did? Choices are about our choices, not the ones you feel others forced on you, although that in itself is a choice.
- Outcome – Why that outcome? What did you learn? What is the moral of your story? If someone reads your story, how would you want them to feel and to learn?
All you need to do is find a journal entry, connect to your muse and write a short story.
Affirmations to heal anger
- Today I cultivate peaceful energy in my body, heart and soul
- Today I transform anger into peace, love and joy and offer love to the world
- Today I am free of anger and angry thoughts
- Today I transmute the anger I feel into the energy of peace, love and joy
- Today I breathe in peace
- Today I recognise that anger is energy ready to be transformed
- Today when I chose peace of mind over anger my life, gets better.
- When you look at the last time you were angry or upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry?
- Explore the anger, look at it from different perspectives and ask what are you here to teach me?
- What could this anger ignite in you instead?
- Spell ANGER in a mindmap and explore the words you choose.