Resistance. What are you resisting? What you resist, persists
Resistance is the refusal to comply or to accept something. Resistance is also a force and its root is to make a stand against or oppose. It is a force and often one in the depths of us that does not allow us to do something that would be good for us.
Let me explain. Things like resistance need a story.
Yesterday, I went to the doctor armed (up to the gunnels) with information about hormones and pathways and what I wanted by way of treatment following my blood tests. In January, my spine fractured and I was diagnosed with osteoporosis. The pain was horrendous and I spent 16 days in bed. When I called my insurance company because of the pain and I wanted advice, they said ‘call an ambulance’. No, I replied ambulances are for sick people. But looking back, following a visit to my doctor yesterday I realise I was resisting something.
When all of this happened, I saw a ‘specialist’ who refused to listen to me and my concerns, she simply prescribed drugs for the osteoporosis and sent me away. The prescription went in the bin. I was not going to take them and I certainly was not going to work with someone who did not respect me enough to hear me.
When I was able to drive myself I headed back to my normal doctor. He is an hour away, but worth the drive. He listened to me and ordered some extra blood tests.
When they came back we discussed them, I offered my solution. He said if I only had a DHEA/estradiol problem then yes I could do what I wanted. but as I have high prolactin I had to go and see an endocrinologist.
But I don’t want to I heard my inner voice protest. He could see it on my face.
‘How do you feel right now? ‘
‘I feel good.’
‘There is only now.’ he continued. ‘Everyone wants the future.’
I laughed, ‘But the future doesn’t exist, time is fluid.’I replied
‘You must go.’ Conversation over.
I walked away and over my hours drive home I pondered, what am I resisting and why. I journaled.
1. I want an answer now – impatience
2. I want to do it my way – control
3. It’s a waste of the health companies money – I am not worth it
4. What will they find? Lack of control and fear
Are yours the same four resistance ‘things’? Or do you have something else that comes up for you?
When I woke this morning, I knew that no matter what I am living this life in my way, by my rules. I am going to do things, I am going to live. I am worth it.
I’ve just bought tickets to see Texas, also going to see Human League and looking at the ballet too. I love music and dance and I haven’t been to anything for years. The ex hated culture and along with lots of other things parts of me slowly died.
I have worked hard to love me again. And opening up to what I am resisting has cracked open another piece of my heart. It seems I have resisted the call of my heart.
Please when something comes up today and you feel a twinge, ask what am I resisting and then choose to grab life and live it come what may.
Try this resistance exercise
In the centre of a piece of paper with the word resistance.
- Draw four shapes around it
- In each write what it is you are resisting and why
- Save the star for the BIG one
- Then journal for ten minutes about whatever comes up for you
- Now choose an action you are going to take to move that resistance out of the way
Interesting isn’t what comes up when we fight the forces inside of us?
Lots of love Dx
101 days of being me
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