There was a time when I thought heart’s desires were material things. Stuff to chase and have. But the more I sat with myself and considered what I really wanted, a realisation came – I was wrong. Well, sort of. I just didn’t understand the deeper meaning of what I wanted and now I do. It makes a difference.

Heart’s desires are the raw material of your heart and soul’s longing. They’re not the polished, presentable wishes you share at dinner parties. They’re the secret ones, the impractical ones, the ones you’ve learnt to dismiss and learnt to hush. They don’t knock politely at the door with a neat agenda, a completed to-do list, all of your SMART goals laid out and a five-year plan. They slip in sideways, through the ache of envy, the pang of longing, and the dream that won’t let go.

Somewhere along the line, you’ve forgotten that you even had them. They are buried deep underneath the conditioning, roles and everyday self-betrayal. But always, there’s something just beyond you that calls for you in unexpected and fleeting moments. So fleeting, it’s easy to let them go and get on with the mundane tasks of living this life. But it isn’t your beautiful life. And you are probably asking Is this it?

Desire isn’t something to manifest by sheer willpower or positive thinking. It’s something to listen to, to bring into consciousness, so we can see what our wild heart is actually asking for. Because when we repress or ignore desire, it doesn’t vanish – it acts through our lives in patterns, projections, synchronicities. The unconscious always finds a way to speak.

The work, then, isn’t to make every desire come true. It’s to discern: what part of me is longing for this, and what part resists it? The ego often wants security, approval, and success. The heart calls for something deeper – often through discomfort, endings, or dreams. The task isn’t to satisfy the ego’s cravings, but to discover what the wild heart is really asking for and know what your heart’s desires really are.

Heart’s desires show themselves in many disguises: the thought that keeps circling back no matter how practical you try to be; the image that haunts your dreams; the ache when you see someone else living a truth you’ve postponed; the project you keep promising yourself “someday”; the rebellious impulse that wants to do something selfish, impractical, alive. These aren’t random whims. They’re messages from your deeper self, asking to be heard.

And here’s the paradox: even if you never “achieve” them, listening changes everything. When you acknowledge a heart’s desire, you’re not necessarily chasing it or trying to “make it happen.” You’re recognising it as a compass. It shifts your orientation – from living out the script you’ve inherited (the roles, expectations, and survival strategies handed down by family, culture, or ego) to stepping into the myth you’re meant to live (your deeper, soul-level story).

Understanding Heart’s Desires: The Feeling Beneath Everything

Your heart’s desire is not the thing on your list. It’s the FEELING you’re longing to experience.

When you write “I want to travel to Italy” or “I want to write a book”, or “I want a garden,” those are surface expressions. Beneath them is the deeper truth – the feeling your soul came here to experience.

Heart’s desires are feelings:

• Peace
• Rest
• Freedom
• Joy
• Ease
• Belonging
• Safety
• Vitality
• Aliveness

The things on your bucket list are trying to deliver those feelings. Italy might deliver freedom. The book might deliver belonging (to yourself, to your creative self). The garden might deliver peace.

But if you don’t know the FEELING you’re actually longing for, you might pursue the wrong vehicle entirely. You might exhaust yourself travelling when what you really need is rest. You might force yourself to write when what you actually crave is ease.

The Bucket List for Your Soul reveals both:

• The surface desires (the things, experiences, projects)
• The deeper feelings (what your soul is actually asking for)

And from understanding the feeling, you discover your Heart Project – the vehicle specifically chosen to deliver and express that core feeling in the world.

Why We Ignore Heart’s Desires

For women in the messy middle, heart’s desires get buried under:

• People-pleasing: ‘I can’t want this – it’s too selfish.’
• Perfectionism: ‘If I can’t do it brilliantly, I won’t do it at all.’
• Practicality: ‘This won’t build my business or pay the bills.’
• Fear: ‘What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough?’
• The naysayers: External voices that told you your desires were frivolous, unrealistic, or too much.

But ignoring a heart’s desire doesn’t make it go away. It just makes you feel empty.

Why Self-Betrayal Blocks Your Heart’s Desires

Heart’s desires are wild, insistent things. They call you back to joy, freedom, and truth. But most of us don’t meet them directly; we meet them through the masks and strategies we’ve inherited. These strategies are what I call the self-betrayal archetypes. They were born as survival tools, but over time they become cages. And when we live inside those cages, our heart’s desires – the deep FEELINGS – get blocked.

The People-Pleaser learns early that harmony is safer than honesty. Her heart may long to feel at PEACE – but the script says: don’t upset anyone. She can’t rest because she’s always giving. The feeling of peace becomes impossible.

The Perfectionist believes worth must be earned through flawlessness. Her heart may long to feel at EASE – but the script says: be impeccable or be nothing. She can’t feel peace because nothing’s ever good enough. The feeling gets blocked by the fear of imperfection.

The Invisible Woman hides behind the good girl mask. Her heart may crave the feeling of BELONGING – but the script says: stay small, don’t take up space. She can’t feel like she belongs because she’s hiding. The feeling is silenced under the weight of invisibility.

The Self-Sacrificer gives until she is empty. Her heart may long to feel REST – but the script says: others first, always. She can’t rest because she’s always giving. The feeling is betrayed by loyalty that turns toxic.

The Self-Doubter looks outward for validation. Her heart may long to feel CONFIDENCE or TRUST – but the script says: trust others more than yourself. The feeling is blocked by constant second-guessing of her own truth.

The Postponer defers joy to some distant future. Her heart may long to feel ALIVENESS or FREEDOM – but the script says: someday, later, after everyone else. The feeling is endlessly delayed, life put on hold.

The Abandoner dissociates when things get hard. Her heart may long to feel PRESENT or GROUNDED – but the script says: escape, avoid, disappear. The feeling is abandoned before it can take root.

Each archetype is a script we’ve inherited – safe, familiar, but constraining. And each one blocks the heart’s desires (the FEELINGS) by convincing us that longing is impractical, selfish, or dangerous. The truth is, those feelings are not random whims. They are your soul calling you home. To acknowledge them is to step out of the script and into the story you’re meant to live.

Want to know your archetype? Take the quiz. This could be a moment of recognition and reckoning.

The Journey Of Becoming

From wanting to being, through the courage to step into discomfort

Who you become on the way to living your heart’s desires is the most important aspect of this – I call it the journey of becoming.

There comes a moment in life when we must stop simply wanting and start becoming. This is not a gentle transition. It is a conscious choice to step out of the familiar and into the unknown, to move from the safety of wishing into the raw territory of transformation.

This journey has three essential movements, each building upon the last:

• Recognition – discovering what your heart truly desires
• Courage – entering the discomfort zone where transformation lives
• Becoming – taking daily action that transforms you into the person who makes your desires a reality

Without all three, we stagnate. We may know what we want, but never pursue it. We may take action, but not toward what truly matters. We may enter discomfort, but without direction. Together, these three movements create the alchemy of transformation.

What Does Your Heart Desire?

Before we can become anything, we must first recognise what we truly want. Not what we should want. Not what others expect. Not what looks good on paper. What we actually, genuinely, in the depths of our being, desire.

This is harder than it sounds. We are masters at hiding our true desires from ourselves, wrapping them in layers of practicality, fear, and other people’s voices. We mistake surface wants for deep desires. We confuse what would be nice with what our soul is calling for.

Recognition begins with honest inquiry. It requires us to sit with questions that have no easy answers and listen for the truth that whispers beneath the noise of daily life.

The Language of Desire

Your heart speaks in a different language than your mind. While your mind traffics in logic, practicality, and shoulds, your heart communicates through:

• Longing – that persistent pull toward something you cannot quite name
• Aliveness – moments when you feel most fully yourself, most engaged
• Envy – what you feel when you see others living the life you secretly want
• Restlessness – that sense that there is more, that you are meant for something different
• Grief – the sadness that comes from denying what you truly want

These are not comfortable messengers. They disturb our carefully constructed stories about who we are and what we want. But they are honest. And they point the way.

Exercise: Uncovering Your Desires

Set aside 30 minutes when you will not be interrupted. You will need your journal and honest courage.

1. What Do You Want That You Have Not Admitted?

Complete this sentence ten times, writing quickly without censoring: “If I were truly honest, what I want is…” Write whatever comes, even if it seems impossible, selfish, or ridiculous. Especially if it seems impossible, selfish, or ridiculous.

2. When Are You Most Alive?

Think back over the past year. When did you feel most engaged, most like yourself, most energised? List five specific moments or activities. What do these moments have in common? What are they pointing toward?

3. What Makes You Secretly Envious?

Envy is desire in disguise. When you see someone else’s life, work, or way of being and feel that sharp pang of “I wish that were me,” what are you really seeing? What do they have or do that you long for? Write about three instances of envy and what they reveal.

4. What Would You Do If You Knew You Could Not Fail?

This old question still works because it temporarily removes the barrier of fear. Write freely about what you would pursue if failure were not possible. Then ask: what does this tell me about what I actually want?

5. What Are You Grieving?

Sometimes we know what we want by the sadness we feel at not having it, not doing it, not being it. What desires have you set aside? What dreams have you abandoned? What version of yourself are you mourning? Write about the losses that still ache.

Reflection:

Read what you have written. Look for themes, patterns, threads. What keeps showing up? What is your heart trying to tell you? Write one clear statement: “What I truly desire is…” Let it be messy, uncomfortable and true.

It doesn’t stop here. I want to invite into my community The Alchemy Of Becoming. Each month with a new moon we revisit your hearts desires and with the full moon we surrender what needs to go. In-between we chat and share.