Giving Yourself Permission to Pursue What You Love
It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission. This marvellous phrase is attributed to Rear Admiral Grace Hopper, a pioneering computer scientist and United States Navy officer. Her premise was that to encourage innovation and bypass the stifling bureaucracy she encountered in the military and early tech world – JFDI.
It reminds me of fig biscuits and who had the control of the packet and the power when I was growing up. Fig biscuits were my dad’s favourite, which he could eat any time he liked, while we had to ask permission for one, which was rarely granted. It was easier to nick one and then say sorry if you got caught.
By the time I was fourteen, and Janis Ian’s At Seventeen was released in 1975, that lesson had deepened into a soul-crushing conviction. I wasn’t just waiting for permission to eat a biscuit; I was waiting for permission to exist, to belong, and to be loved. I listened to that song obsessively, convinced I was genuinely ugly – not just plain, but fundamentally flawed. I memorised every word about the Valentine’s cards that never arrived and the proms I missed, believing that love and passion were reserved for “beauty queens” and never for girls like me. Janis Ian sang about me in every painful word.
As children, we learn that some things are earned and others are strictly off-limits without a nod from the head of the table. The fig biscuit thing felt unfair because it was; it established a rule that your desires were secondary to a higher permission.
The trouble is, we often carry that “fig biscuit” energy into adulthood. We stop waiting for our fathers and start waiting for a mythical ‘someday’ or the approval of a partner, boss, or friend.
So let me ask you, have you been waiting for someone to give you permission to pursue what you love? To finally say yes to that dream sitting in your heart? To step away from what’s expected and move towards what makes you come alive?
Ponder this – that permission slip you’ve been waiting for? It has to come from you.
And I know that feels both terrifying and liberating at the same time.
The Invisible Chains We Wear
We’re brilliant at holding ourselves back, aren’t we? We’ve perfected the art of self-betrayal, convincing ourselves that our dreams are luxuries to be postponed until ‘someday’ – a someday that conveniently never arrives.
Perhaps you’re waiting until the children are older, until you have more money, until you’re thinner, until you’re more qualified, until you’re more confident. The list of ‘untils’ stretches endlessly before you, each one a beautifully crafted excuse for why now isn’t the right time.
But here’s what your wild heart knows: there will never be a perfect moment. The conditions will never line up precisely. The fear will never completely disappear.
The question isn’t whether you’re ready. The question is: are you willing to stop abandoning yourself?
In the spirit of Hopper, sometimes one must simply build the thing first and deal with the paperwork later.
Why We Hold Ourselves Back
I’ve learned a few things from myself and from other people who’ve buried their passions and heart’s desires beneath layers of ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’: we hold ourselves back because somewhere along the way, we learned that wanting something for ourselves made us selfish. That’s pretty sh*t, isn’t it?
Perhaps you absorbed the message that being a good person meant sacrificing your desires for everyone else’s needs. Maybe you learned that taking up space was dangerous, that dreams were frivolous, that passion was for other people – not for you.
You might be the People-Pleaser who fears losing approval if you pursue what lights you up. Or the Perfectionist who can’t start until every detail is sorted. Perhaps you’re the Invisible Woman who learned that safety lies in staying small and unseen.
Or maybe you’re the Postponer – the one who genuinely believes that your heart’s desires are luxuries that can wait. Just a bit longer. Until the timing is perfect. Until you’re more deserving.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: your comfort zone – that lovely, safe space where everything is predictable and manageable – is also a prison cell you’ve built yourself.
The Beautiful Prison Of Comfort
Your comfort zone feels safe because it’s familiar. You know exactly what to expect. The same routines, the same responses, the same carefully managed life. It’s like ordering the same meal at your favourite restaurant – comforting, certainly, but eventually rather dull.
Nobody warns you that if you stay too long in your comfort zone, it actually shrinks. Things that once felt comfortable gradually become uncomfortable simply because you’ve stopped stretching yourself. Your flexibility atrophies. Your courage diminishes. Your dreams get smaller and smaller until they’re barely audible.
Meanwhile, all the opportunities waiting for you on the other side of that comfort zone? They remain undiscovered, unexplored and most definitely unlived.
What if you miss out by not stepping over that invisible boundary? What if the person you were meant to become stays buried under the person you thought you should be?
Stepping Into Possibility
The discomfort zone – that space just beyond your comfort zone where everything feels uncertain and slightly terrifying – is actually where all the magic happens.
It’s where you discover who you actually are, not who you’ve been pretending to be. It’s where you find out what you’re truly capable of. It’s where your passion ignites, and your purpose comes into focus. It’s where you finally have the courage to say this is what my heart desires, and I am brave enough to go after it.
But stepping into that space requires something radical: giving yourself permission to want what you want. To pursue what lights you up. To say yes to your heart’s desires without needing anyone else’s approval first.
This isn’t about being reckless or irresponsible. It’s about finally being honest with yourself about what makes you come alive.
The Permission You’ve Been Looking For
The truth that Janis Ian’s lyrics couldn’t tell my fourteen-year-old self is that the permission slip has been in my pocket all along. You do not need to be a beauty queen or wait for the children to grow up or for the perfect moment to arrive. So let me give you the permission slip you’ve been waiting for – though ultimately, you’ll need to write it for yourself:
- You have permission to want something different, even if your current life looks perfectly acceptable from the outside.
- You have permission to be passionate about something that doesn’t make logical sense or fit into a neat career path.
- You have permission to change your mind, to outgrow old dreams, to discover new ones.
- You have permission to disappoint people who’ve grown comfortable with your self-betrayal.
- You have permission to take up space, to be visible, to let your wild heart speak.
- You have permission to pursue what you love, not despite your age or circumstances, but because of who you are right now, in this moment.
Practical Steps Towards Permission
Giving yourself permission isn’t just a mental exercise – it requires action. The actions don’t need to be big and dramatic – although they could be, small daily micro actions are perfect.
Time to dust yourself off:
First, get honest about what’s actually holding you back. Is it fear of judgment? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of discovering you’re capable of more than you believed? Name the fear. Acknowledge it. Thank it for trying to keep you safe. Then do it anyway. Yes, and the sooner the better – you know you want to.
Second, start small. You don’t have to climb Kilimanjaro or quit your job tomorrow or do as I did, pack up my life, leave the duplicitous husband and make a new life in Spain – all in six weeks. Begin with ten minutes a day doing something that makes you come alive. Write that first paragraph. Sketch that first drawing. Research that course you’ve been eyeing. Take one tiny step towards your heart’s desire or passion.
Third, stop waiting for permission from others. Your partner doesn’t need to understand. Your parents don’t need to approve. Your friends don’t need to ‘get it’. This is your life, your passion, your heart’s desires and your purpose. The only permission that matters is the permission you give yourself. Yay for you – you rock!
Fourth, practice saying yes to what lights you up and no to what drains you. Notice when you’re performing an old identity – the good girl, the perfect mother/father, the reliable employee who never says no. Then ask your wild heart: ‘What do I actually want here?’ And choose differently.
Finally, find your people. Surround yourself with people who won’t rush you or fix you, but who understand that transformation is messy and uncomfortable and sacred. People who’ve given themselves permission and can hold space whilst you do the same.
The Invitation
Your wild heart has been waiting your entire life for you to give yourself permission to pursue what you love. Not permission from your partner, your parents or your well-meaning friends. Permission from you.
That dream sitting in your heart? It’s not there by accident. That passion that keeps calling to you? It’s not frivolous or selfish. That desire to do something different, to be someone truer? That’s your soul demanding you stop betraying yourself. Listen to her.
The messy, uncomfortable truth is this: nobody is coming to save you or grant you permission or tell you it’s finally your turn. The permission slip you’ve been waiting for has been in your pocket all along.
So here’s my question for you: What would you pursue if you truly believed you had permission? What would you create? Who would you become?
The world doesn’t need more people shrinking themselves to fit into comfortable spaces. The world needs people who’ve given themselves permission to be fully alive, fully passionate, fully themselves.
Your wild heart knows the way. She always has. All she needs is your permission to lead.
So give it to her. Today. Right now. This moment.
Write yourself that permission slip. Then step into the discomfort zone where all the magic happens. Your heart’s desire is waiting for you there.
And trust me on this: the person you discover on the other side of that permission? She’s been worth waiting for all along.
Dale
P.S. If you’re ready to stop waiting for permission and start pursuing what lights you up, I’d love to support you on that journey. Sometimes all we need is someone who understands that giving yourself permission is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.
