When I first arrived at my house in Spain, I was broken. The life I thought I had carefully constructed lay shattered around me, destroyed by the discovery of my husband’s double life. The foundations upon which I had built my world upon had crumbled, leaving me adrift in a sea of grief, anger, and uncertainty.
The house when I arrived was a mess, just like me.
It seemed to mirror my inner turmoil—small rooms with quirky angles, light filtering in strange patterns depending on the time of day. I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I cried a lot. And I didn’t know how to live here and what the purpose behind this upheaval was.
I wandered from space to space, searching for comfort, for a place to simply be. Some rooms cocooned me in their embrace, while others stirred something within me that I wasn’t ready to face.
Little did I know that this house—which initially felt like merely a refuge and a place to camp while I sorted my head out—would become the canvas upon which I would paint my transformation. As I gradually healed, I shaped the space around me, bringing in more light, creating warmth, and claiming it as mine. It took years. But in doing things at my pace, when I was ready, I uncovered something far deeper: my evolving purpose.
Now, ten years later, this house has become my sanctuary—my retreat, my “she cave.” It holds me in a different way than it once did. What began as a shelter has transformed into a home that reflects who I am and who I’ve become. I feel at peace here.
I was wandering to the bathroom this morning and I noticed just how at peace I felt. There’s still loads to do – just like me. We are all work in progresses, aren’t we?
The Journey Through Shadow and Light: How Purpose Evolves
Back in bed with a cuppa, I was reflecting on the courses and content I was making and thinking about this purpose, which is never static.
It shifts and transforms as we do, responding to our experiences, growth, and healing. Like light moving through different mediums, it bends and refracts, sometimes slowing down, sometimes magnifying, but always illuminating our path forward—even when that path leads through shadow. And there’s been a few shadows.
My journey and experiences have taught me that purpose evolves through six distinct stages. Each one guides us from darkness into clarity, from feeling lost to feeling aligned with what truly ignites our souls.
Stage 1: The Awakening – Hearing the Call for More
The first stirrings of purpose often begin with discomfort—a whisper that something must change.
For me, that whisper became a scream the day everything fell apart. The life I had known vanished, and all I could do was sit amidst the wreckage. I didn’t know what would come next, only that I couldn’t remain where I was.
If you’re in this stage, you might feel restless, stuck, or disconnected from what once brought you joy. Your inner landscape might feel as confusing as my house once did—full of shifting shadows and light that never quite lands where you want it to.
This is the beginning of something new. The awakening isn’t comfortable, but it’s necessary.
Journal Prompt: Which parts of my life no longer feel aligned? What am I craving more of?
Stage 2: The Seeking – Exploring Possibilities
Once the initial shock of awakening settles, the search begins. This is when you start looking for answers through books, courses, spiritual practices, personal development—anything that might offer direction.
I bounced between ideas for months, desperately searching for “the answer.” I tried different healing modalities, explored new interests, and allowed curiosity to lead me forward. My drawers remained curiously empty as if some part of me was still prepared to flee at a moment’s notice.
If you’re in this seeking stage, remember: this is a time for exploration, not decision-making. Follow what sparks your interest, even if the connections aren’t immediately clear.
Journal Prompt: What am I naturally drawn to? What do I love researching, learning, or talking about?
Stage 3: The Experimenting – Creating a Passion Project
True transformation begins when you stop merely searching and start creating. This is where passion projects become vital bridges between where you are and where you want to be.
For me, writing became my pathway. Each time I needed healing, clarity, or direction, I wrote a book—whether it was “Healing Osteoporosis Naturally,” “Dancing with Dark Angels,” or my work on the heart chakra. These weren’t just books; they were lifelines that pulled me forward when I couldn’t move on my own.
A passion project gives you something to pour your energy into—something that brings joy and meaning amidst uncertainty. It doesn’t have to be grand or perfect. It simply needs to light you up.
Your passion project might be:
- Transforming your living space into a sanctuary, as I did with my home
- Upcycling furniture or creating beautiful spaces that reflect your emerging self
- Writing a book, blog, or creating a course to share your journey
- Exploring a new healing practice that aligns with your soul’s calling
The focus isn’t on the outcome but on the process of creation and discovery.
Journal Prompt: What small project could I start today purely for joy, without worrying about the result?
Stage 4: The Embodiment – Aligning with Your Purpose
As you experiment, something shifts. Your passion project stops feeling like something you do and starts feeling like part of who you are.
Writing has always been more than a hobby for me—it is a daily practice, a way of expressing myself, and a path to deeper alignment. Like getting to know the different rooms of my house, I can understand the different facets of my purpose and who I am.
This is when you begin showing up differently in everyday life, making small but powerful shifts to integrate what excites you into your daily routines.
Journal Prompt: How can I bring more of what energises me into my ordinary days?
Stage 5: The Calling – Recognising the Bigger Picture
Eventually, you realise that your purpose isn’t solely about you—it’s about how you impact others.
Writing has always helped me heal, and I have used it as a way to help others find their own voice and path to reinvention. My work shifted from being a book coach, which is a massive reinvention journey of its own, to guiding others through their reinvention adventures.
You might find yourself drawn to sharing what you’ve learned—whether through teaching, coaching, creating, or supporting others in some capacity.
Journal Prompt: How might my gifts and experiences support others on their journeys?
Stage 6: The Evolution – Leading the Way
Purpose isn’t a final destination—it continually evolves.
Ten years on, I see my journey in an entirely new light. I’m no longer lost. My home is a reflection of my transformation—a sanctuary where I can create, rest, and recharge. It holds me now as it did then, but differently—no longer as a mother swaddles a baby, but as a friend holds a friend.
In this stage, you become a guide for others—not by telling them what to do, but by embodying your purpose, walking your talk, and showing what’s possible through your own example.
Journal Prompt: How am I already leading by example? What might be the next evolution of my purpose?
Navigating Shadow and Light: Lessons from My Journey
Along my wiggly woggly path, I’ve learned vital lessons about purpose that might serve you on yours:
1. Shadows Are Necessary Teachers
We tend to fear the shadows, running from them or trying to bypass them entirely. Yet the shadows in our lives—the difficult emotions, challenging experiences, and parts of ourselves we try to hide—contain profound gifts.
In the early days, I wandered from room to room in my home, sometimes seeking light, sometimes needing darkness. I learned not to question where I needed to be but to accept that sometimes I needed expansiveness, and sometimes I needed to sit with my ghosts.
Our shadows aren’t obstacles to our purpose—they’re essential components of it. Each shadow reveals something that brings us closer to what needs healing and, ultimately, to self-love.
2. People Are Mirrors
The people who enter our lives reflect aspects of our shadow and light. We attract those who have something for us to learn—even when those lessons are painful. And oh boy, are they painful.
I became entangled with people who energetically weren’t right for me. Like my former husband, some were bullies. Despite angering myself with my lack of boundaries, I was drawn to them, hoping my light would somehow transform their darkness.
These relationships weren’t accidents or misfortunes—they were mirrors showing me where I needed to grow, where I needed firmer boundaries, and where I needed to value myself more highly.
Now I understand that some people are constructive lights who enable and empower us to shine, while others are destructive influences who try to dim our light. Both have valuable lessons to teach us about our purpose.
3. Perspective Changes Everything
Like light bending, as it passes through different mediums, our perception of our problems can become magnified or distorted depending on our perspective.
When I began to dissociate from toxic relationships and stand back, a curious part of me emerged—the part that could look at my life with wonder rather than judgment. I started to see how many things had become part of my “shadow stories” and how these stories were harming me.
By bringing these stories into the light with curiosity rather than condemnation, I could see them for what they were: not absolute truths but perspectives that I could choose to shift.
4. Purpose Flows When We Remove Obstacles
Our inner light always shines brightly—it’s just that sometimes dark, sludgy shadows get in the way of our ability to see it.
Light moves at incredible speed until it encounters something dense; then, it must slow down and bend around obstacles. Similarly, our purpose flows naturally when we remove the dense layers of fear, limiting beliefs, and painful past experiences that obstruct it.
As I cleared and decluttered my home, I was simultaneously clearing internal obstacles. The process took time—far longer than I initially expected. But gradually, both my home and my inner being became more spacious, more intentional, and more aligned with who I truly am.
Your Next Step: Ignite Your Passion Project
If you’re feeling lost in the shadows, your next step is to create something that brings you joy. Remember that purpose evolves—you don’t need to have it all figured out right now. You simply need to begin.
What lights you up? What makes you lose track of time? What would you do even if no one ever saw or appreciated it?
Start exploring. Start experimenting. See where your curiosity leads.
Like the house that has held me through ten years of transformation, your purpose will reveal itself gradually as you shape it and as it shapes you. The shadows aren’t your home. The light is waiting.
And it’s time to step into it. Come and join me on a Writing Sanctuary course.
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This blog post is based on my journey of transformation and healing over the past decade. The house that once sheltered my broken self has evolved into my sanctuary—my retreat, my “she cave.” Similarly, my purpose has evolved from personal healing to helping others find their own path through shadow into light.
