Write a letter to your blue moon and create the story you desire
The magic of a blue moon arrives today 31st January 2018. If you read this today, you are in for a treat; you are in the arms of a magical time. A time when you can release and let go. If you come to this blue moon post later, it matters not; you were meant to arrive here and write your long overdue letters.
Full moons are for letting go and releasing what does not serve you. Lunar eclipses add to the potency of this release. Imagine allowing the vortex of emotions that you have been holding onto to rise forth and erupt. To then sit back and watch your molten lava flow down and away into the valley of hope, faith and love. The image I get of this is not an explosion, more of an expulsion. A little like when you might squeeze and irritating spot, which pops to allow the accumulated pus to escape.
Our bodies are like that volcano waiting to erupt.
As I sit here and write it is Monday morning, my body hurts, more specifically my spine and ribs. Just seven days ago as I was singing to the dogs, I reached over to grab some clothes, and I heard three loud cracks and a searing pain tear through my thoracic region. The laughter ended, and I screamed. Pain and hot tears of anger and frustration. Why me I asked? Actually, I swore and screamed… I’ve found contentment and a certain inner peace, life is going so well and now after all that I have been through you do this to me. Laughable really, as if there were some invisible force doing things to me. But it feels good doesn’t it to verbalise and shout profanities to God or the Universe?
Over the weekend I have written a lot. I have explored the mind-body connection between pain and suppressed emotions for the umpteenth time. That doesn’t matter, in each reading, listening, writing and reflection there is always something new to learn.
The blue moon made me think not only about the colour blue, the moon, but what big things did I still need to release and let go.
I began to write.
Where in my life did I feel unappreciated, unloved and unsupported? These were the words that loomed large in my writing and the pain I was experiencing.
Over the years I have worked hard to let go of my anger. Anger which stems from some childhood sexual abuse and later some experiences with a couple who took in and manipulated young women for sex. Anger, not feeling worthy or valued, shame, guilt, fear that others would think I was unclean, wanting others to love me even when they were not the ‘right’ people for me. My writing showed me (again) that I have been unable to create healthy boundaries and time and time again I chose to be with people who would naturally trigger the being taken for granted response.
Oh, how life likes to have a little play with you…
As I ignored the warning signs, my body became a container for the poison I could not release. Outwardly, I moved on. I was doing deep inner work. I had learned to love me, my connection with my divine inner wisdom was I thought strong. Yet I continued to ignore behaviours that were unpleasant. It never seemed worth my while to engage in other peoples dramas plus I always felt that the other person was in pain and merely reflecting this back at me. Naturally, despite this, my body was drinking from the poisoned chalice.
This always reminds me of Danny Kaye and The Court Jester…
I’ve got it! I’ve got it! The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?
But jesters aside, take a journey through your body right now. What do you feel? Where do you feel it? What does it say to you?
We know that unexpressed emotions turn into physical dis-ease, so why do we ignore the warning signs until it is almost too late?
Then I asked where did I feel loved, appreciated and supported?
The energy was different; I realised that I had so much, so many beautiful people in my life who cared about me. In my pain, my old friend anger rose. Instead, she spoke louder, and I listened. But this time, there was another voice, that of love who asked the anger to be still and to explain her feelings and her point of view.
It will come as no surprise to learn that as I wrote and reflected, I became a witness to the shame and guilt that I thought I had dealt with. I had felt hopeless because I wasn’t able to protect myself or to change what had happened. Selfish people with undesirable motives abusing others is not new or strange to many of you reading this. We are not alone.
What we have is the power of self-knowledge so that we can change how we feel about these things and we can release the poison our bodies are holding onto.
These few days I have surrendered, asked for help, rested, explored, and submerged so that I can emerge. I have my faith that I can heal and that my body will soon cease to be in pain. Ok, it may take more than writing a few letters, like a trip to get an x-ray and back to the doctors to see what’s going on, but in releasing emotions combined with what is going on, I have the opportunity to know what else to do.
I have faith because I write and I take action. I know that with writing I can write a new story.
The blue moon is about endings
What needs to end? What do you need to release?
You may not be in as much physical pain as I am, you may be in more or have no sense of pain, you may have an illness or condition that is bothering you or starting to bother you.
Listen to all of the whispers.
Use this blue moon to move into a deeper part of you, explore and become aware of what is going on. Acknowledge what you have been suppressing and make a conscious decision that this must end now.
It may not be easy, but to create an ending you have to start somewhere.
The blue moon is about space to create new beginnings
If you are holding onto sludge how can you make space for something beautiful to come in? It’s as if you need to open a trap door and let it all flow out. A little like our volcano erupting to signal that something is amiss. But now more like a sluice gate opening so that unwanted waste can flow.
We find new beginnings in the space we create.
That is not to say that you fill up the space with activities, that defeats the object of making space. We create space to allow what needs to flow in to do just that. Gently without forcing it.
Start writing. Maybe a word and then five that pop up – like a mind map. Perhaps write a sentence with your six words. Then a story. Just allow your pen to take you where you need to travel.
Leave your writing and reflect
It is in the reflection, the space that I find answers. The void is never empty; it is full of wisdom. More that it is unstructured and there are no rules or processes and certainly no chocolate cakes. The void contains all that there is to know. The key to is let go of what you have written and let your wisdom flow.
Dance in the void
I want to dance, to move my body and to be pain-free. To dance in the void does not have to mean physically dancing, although that is a wonderful way to release. It means to become aware while losing yourself to the dance of life.
Write your letters to the blue moon
I started this morning with my first letter. Today I shall write more. I can already see with just that one letter a pattern emerging, but I am not settling with that piece of wisdom. Instead, I shall write all of my letters and see what arises.
At this moment, I see I have been driven by a desire to be accepted grime and all and choosing people that I thought resonated with similar pain and shame to mine. Perhaps it felt safe to swim in a pool of shame and guilt with other hungry sharks and for us all to wallow belly’s full in the devil’s turgid pool. Maybe there is a community in some shitty sanctimonious my pain is worse than your pain thing. Or worse still, we think because we have suffered we know how to fix others; we can all nod our heads ‘oh yes, we have been there, this is what you do.’
To be honest, right now, I don’t know.
All I know right now is that I still desire to be loved, supported and accepted and I that I have made a few erroneous trips to learn some painful lessons.
But hey ho. Now I know I can do something about it, and so can you.
Write those damn letters!
Kiss their sweet asses goodbye.
Burn your letters and wish all that burn in them well. Send the emotions and pain up in smoke and surrender, let go, let love.
Write a letter of love to you
This is important. You have written to let go of all that was. But what about a love letter to you? Write this last and keep it for the end of your blue moon ceremony.
Create a ritual for your blue moon
I’m a big fan of rituals and ceremony. Do what feels right for you. If getting a slice of cake and a glass of red works for after, then do it. Mine will be tea and a Yummy Scrummy chocolate brownie. This is my ritual. Make up your own, always do what feels right for you.
- Clean and light the fire (I do have a log burner…)
- Choose and place candles or tea lights around you.
- Cleanse you and your space with Sage.
- Choose some crystals to hold.
- Say your first affirmation.
- Gather your letters. Wish them bon voyage and burn them.
- On another sheet of paper as your letters burn, write – I release… Keep this for later reflection; it will be illuminating.
- Sit with your crystal and recite your second affirmation.
- Gaze into the flames and just be.
- Open your letter to you and read, while enjoying your treat.
Remember you rock baby!
I am open to releasing, cleansing and surrendering all that no longer serves me. I am open to the experiences, love, opportunities and blessings that lay before me.
I invite love, courage and guidance to enable me to reach my highest purpose and live in peace and inner contentment.
Writing, writing, writing and more writing has saved me on so many occasions. I get so much clarity when I write. The wonderful thing is that even though I have spent the weekend writing in preparation to release the poison in my body, I have had loads of insight for blogs and ideas for my monthly club (The Writing Zone). Not only that it has given me space for editing my book and ideas for another book I have on the go.
Writing in a journal is just the starting point of a massive adventure into you and all that you are and can be, and it will lead you through your soul’s story and onto writing a book. None of this is wasted, it is all meant to be, and if you can touch one other life with your words and inspire them, you have brought great value to that person’s world.
101 days of being me
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