Dale Darley

All Posts by Dale Darley

My Mum And The Stuff She Teaches Me

It’s a few days after Mothers Day, mum and I haven’t been able to be together because of the lockdown.

We tried to execute a video call, but mum couldn’t find how to make her sound turn on her computer and I, already frazzled, didn’t have the patience today to work it out. I did try many things, honestly I did.

Instead, we chatted for a while, but because we are both isolated and bored it was hard to find anything much to talk about. This saddens me, because normally we can gas for ages.

What else I wondered would these strange times bring? What is wrong with me that I lost my sense of humour and just couldn’t find the patience to find the solution?

It makes me sad that I had let someone upset me on Sunday and the one person who has had endless patience with me, didn’t get that back.

However, getting this sorted when I see her will be a priority so that in future there can be no hold ups when we want to video call.

I sat reflecting on some of the things that mum has taught me, Readers of this blog back in 2016 will remember that I regaled you with tales of puberty, periods and menopause. These were, and still are some of my greatest mum lessons.

When I talk with mum later today, we shall have plenty to talk about because we shall reminisce.

So as I sit here, I’d like to share some of my musings.

I will always be her little girl

No matter how old I get, I will always be my mum’s little girl and there have been occasions when I have so needed her cuddles.

There was one evening when I was staying with her and I lay in bed tossing and turning over some stuff that was running around my head. By 2 am I couldn’t stand it any longer. I have no idea how she knew, but she was in my bedroom and arms around me while I sobbed in seconds.

She knows just what her little girl needs

As a young girl, my bedroom walls were adorned with posters, my favourite was the one with all of the words to Free’s Wishing Well. The chest of drawers next to said Free poster was where mum placed my special package. If you are of a similar age to me, you will no doubt remember packets of pads and delightful pink (in my case) belts to hold said pads in place.

Mum provided me with instructions on what to do when the blood arrived. What blood I wondered? It’s all very well to have a well-intentioned mum, but to my young mind, there was a disconnect between her words, the package and my body. To be honest, I had no clue about what she was on about. Until that day.

When that day arrived, as luck would have it I soon learned what that ‘stuff’ was for. Letting myself into the flat, I as usual padded off to the toilet where I was horrified that the blood that mum had previously described was here. I very carefully cleaned myself up and headed to unwrap my package.

Unwrapping and examining the contents again, I proceeded as instructed to place the unattractive belt around my waist and hook the pad on as she had described. Within no time doubts filled my mind.

What if, I speculated, this wasn’t one of them period things, what if, I contemplated I was mistaken and it wasn’t blood it was something else, what I wondered might this really be? The doubts circled like ravenous vultures to the point I removed all of my accoutrements and placed them very carefully back in the drawer and waited for mum to confirm that it was ok to wear my lovely new things.

Fast forward over 45 years and my mum just knows how to make sure I have the things I need. When I come to stay despite her knackered back she bakes me biscuits and cakes. Yum! Thank you, mum.

My Mum and her endless patience

Oh god, I will never forget my mum trying to teach me how to use tampons. This was my second lesson on becoming a woman. What possessed her to use this day for this tortuous experiment will forever elude me. From the comfort of her bed, she opened up the box of white sticks and suggested that I try one. Much more practical she advised. It seemed like a good idea.

I returned to her bed eight times for a practice sit down, only to discover that I hadn’t got it in quite right, and painfully staggered back to the toilet to try again. On my final attempt, it got stuck and mum, by now in fits of hysterical laughter, tried to get me to relax so that she could get it out.

Can you imagine that? Having your mum fish one of them out. Such trust.

I feared it would stay there forever. If you have ever heard or seen my mum laugh, you will know that once it starts, it takes some time to stop. More humiliation, I couldn’t join the grown up girls club just yet. It wasn’t until I lost my virginity that I realised that they would fit!

She always has endless patience, while I… well I don’t. Don’t even ask about the time I chopped up a catsuit I was making because I ran out of patience. She on the other hand would have sorted it with her endless capacity to want to sort things out.

I’m confess that I have learned to be a finisher, because of my mum.

Get to know your body

Another of Mum’s lessons was for me to examine my vagina, inside and out. She said if you don’t know what it feels like how can you tell if something isn’t quite right? I was packed off to the bathroom with a mirror and my instructions.

Seeing my vagina at close quarters was a shock. It was ugly, pink, chubby and wet. Despite the peculiar creature staring at me with disdain, I duly did as instructed. Finger in, soft and smooth, finger out and up to my nose, no smell. So that was the examination over, I was normal or at least I confirmed to myself that my vagina was normal.

This has never left me. No, I do not examine my vagina endlessly, more that I am incredibly in tune with my body and have been able to heal all kinds, just because I know my body.

It’s never too late to learn something new

My mum has always been an artist. I have always written. One Christmas or birthday I gifted mum a journal, pen and a book on how to write a novel and she has not stopped.

Now that her spine hurts so much, painting is harder so she writes. She has written several novels using her amazing imagination. One children’s book and another in the works.

At no time did she say I can’t do this, she just sat down and wrote. Me on the other hand has always been freaked about writing fiction.

What she shows me if it is possible in the world at any age, it is possible for me. I’m slowly losing my fear and have made 2021 the year of the novel.

My greatest cheerleader is championing me all the way.

Have a strong work ethic

By now, you will have guessed that my mum is a super human…

Now this one amazes me. She never gives up and what she starts she finishes. She is currently writing what has the working title of the Tree house and while she just wants it finished and is bored of it, she will get it done.

Me on the other hand would have put it away and found something more exciting.

Yet, these days when I feel like doing that I think of mum and she inspires me.

Of course, my mum isn’t a superhuman

I just happen to think my mum is super special, but there are some things that drive me insane – they do mum – if you are reading this….

It’s not much but it’s her worrying. She catasrophises like a demon. But we do laugh about it.

However, I do thank her for this. Because she worries about the oddest things I do stuff so that she doesn’t worry.

All in all, I am so blessed to have my mum as my mum and as my friend. I like that I can be her friend and still remain her little girl. Everyone needs their mum.

Thank you for being my mum.

14 life lessons that 2020 has taught me so far

2020 started well. I was feeling good and life felt full of promise. I wasn’t expecting do many life lessons to come at me so quickly.

I still had some pain in my spine from the 2018 fractures, but I have learned how to manage my energy. Even better I had it confirmed that my bone density continue to improve.

Then, out of the blue, I then found out that I had something called MGUS (it’s an overproduction of M protein in the bone marrow). At first, my brain flipped and I feared the worse. Once again, after I’d calmed down, I was sent for a full bone scan and yeah – everything was looking great. All I have to do now is have blood tests every 6 months. It is likely that I will take this to the grave.

And… Anyone who knows me knows that I will do whatever it takes to remain healthy. My doctor is always amazed when I come back with better blood results after being presented with something.

For example, I turned around an overactive thyroid in six weeks and lowered high cholesterol in about the same amount of time. You could say I like a challenge!

I started 2020 feeling that this would be my year. Surely after all of the things I’d had to cope with over the previous 5 years, this would be different?

Life lessons 1 to 5

#1 – stop or you will be stopped

I’ve put this one first because the world was stopped just a few weeks ago. Lockdown and social isolation have meant a whole new way of living.

As I sit here this morning, I feel alone. Yet nothing has really changed for me, I live in a remote place and I spend most days alone with my dogs.

Because I have dogs I can go out for short walks. So life as I know it hasn’t stopped, the world around me has slowed down.

I feel that Mother Earth has said enough, she needs to heal, just like I have. She needs to rest.

Today it’s raining and I can feel her feeling refreshed from the flow of unpolluted water.

Where I live you could be forgiven for thinking that she’s doing ok. Here is it still wild and unspoilt. But in so many places that is not the case.

Whatever the reason for the stop on the world, I think it’s a great message for us all. Stop or be stopped. I mean this in the kindest of ways, especially for myself.

I have a tendency to be a workaholic and know only to well what burn out and dreadful illness means.

While I am concerned about what all this means, I also know that to weather the storm, I need to be mindful of my energy.

#2 – journal

Now more than ever I am grateful for this habit. I am so happy that I can spill my guts on the paper and she forgives me. Not only that gratitude journaling really brings into perspective how much I truly have.

#3 – ask for help

Asking for help comes in many forms. From lying on the concrete almost passing out and calling for help, to asking someone to clean, do your shopping, bring in the wood, asking your divine inner wisdom to reveal your inner resources, and asking spirit, the Universe or God to show you what you need to see. Stop struggling and ask was a biggie for me. People love to help. I love to help. So opening my mouth and asking is a great thing to do for me and you to do.

#4 – be open to receiving

So here’s the thing, asking for help is one thing, but being open to receiving is quite another.

The stuff mentioned above was hard for me to do, but I learned that I had to because of my spine, so that made it easier.

Then something happened and I spent a day going around pondering and scribbling in my journal. The answer came slowly, but was rammed home after I asked my mum what I was like to give to.

Oh she said, you are a nightmare, you are such an independent little miss.

Ouch.

After this I started to use affirmations around this and be more graceful in receiving. After all I like to give don’t I?

My first affirmation was I am open to receiving all of the abundance that the Universe has to offer me.

In fact, it’s still my best affirmation.

My next best is – wouldn’t it be nice if…

#5 – breathe

I have worried about all kinds of things. Then I learned to ground and breathe. When you allow panic to invade your body, it changes everything. When you learn to ground yourself, breathe into it and let go, things get much easier.

When I feel that awful feeling rise up through my body, I have a few strategies; one is to walk, two is to practice energy management and three is to write.

Walking clears the mind and you can travel through many stories until you get to the oh what the hell, let’s get on with life part of the story.

Looking after your energy helps you to stay calm, balanced and connects me to Mother Earth, where I feel grounded.

Then when you write, you can declutter the last remnants and make space for inner peace. What I notice now is that I can connect with my breath more naturally.

Life lessons 6 – 10

#6 – connect with your inner muse

Writing has played a huge part in my life and personal growth. From journaling to writing books. When I log in with my inner muse as I have over many years, the downloads I get are incredible. My life has changed in many ways because of writing.

Journaling is something I recommend for all clients. Many feel that they cannot do it, but when they do directed journaling, in conjunction with listening to the muse the results are amazing. Your pen is connected to your unconscious mind, and it will tell you what you need to know.

When I write books, I get disheartened, just as you do, but when I read back what I have written after reflection, I am delighted. Clients books teach me so much and as they write they learn too.

The power of the pen is in the beautiful connection it has to your soul, your inner muse. Get connected to your inner muse she (or he) is indeed very wise.

#7 – tap into your divine inner wisdom

Many of you reading this already know that you have all of the resources inside of you that you will ever need. The problem is that we often switch off the inner wisdom listening. The noise of the outside world confuses and overwhelms us, and so the voice is rarely heard. Then when it speaks we do not trust it.

Right now, like no other time, I have tapped in and wow what a lot I know. You do too.

#8 – listen to spirit

Spirit for me are the team who guide me through life. You may of course call spirit something else.

I have learned that the voices in my head are there to guide me. Now I listen to them. In fact, I listen to all of the signals I receive.

Right now listening to spirit is working for me. I feel like I am surround and supported.

#9 – tell more people to f**k off

This is isn’t about being rude, it is ‘just get rid of the toxic people‘ who take up your space. You are a beautiful soul, and you deserve to be with people who nourish you and not destroy you.

Also, given where we find ourselves, protecting your heart, energy, sanity and space is vital now.

I have experienced wonderful community, but also some completely ignorant and rude people. The world will never be the same again – choose your company wisely.

#10 – invest in your personal growth

Invest in something that enriches your life. You might feel fearful that money is going out and at the moment nothing is coming in. I get it. And my goodness me, right now feels precarious, doesn’t it?

You have to invest in yourself if you expect others to invest in you, but it doesn’t need to be cash it could be some other resource.

What about journaling, walking or meditating?

I know that I have invested in lots of courses and never taken them. Guess what? Yeah. I’m doing them now.

At the beginning of the year, I went back in time and started studying energy medicine and connecting with spirit again. As well as learning things like Instagram. A girl needs variety – right?

I also signed up with Audible and I am loving learning new things this way.

Life lessons 11 to 14

#11 – practice gratitude

As bizarre as it seems. I am grateful for the oddness of this year. I continue to discover more about me, and who I want to become. When I write in my gratitude journal, I follow it with wouldn’t it be nice and a lesson learned. It has added a new dimension to appreciation.

It’s too easy to write the same old stuff every day. When you stop and connect to your divine inner wisdom, she guides you to fully understand a more fulfilling path to gratitude.

I only write three things and do this three times a week. I create a ritual, balance my chakras, connect to my breath and then write.

It’s powerful stuff this writing malarkey.

#12 – do the things you love

In August 2019 I started to create journals. Not just journals with lines in, journals with purpose. I discovered a passion. So far I have produced quite a few…

The ones that I am loving the most are the gratitude ones as they combine my love of healing through the chakras with journaling. I’ve done two so far with another five to do. And the course is being outlined as I go along.

#13 – practice strong boundaries

I’ve always considered myself a nice person. But over the years I have allowed myself to be taken for granted and then I have felt deep resentment. This year, I decided that NO was a complete word. And when someone thought that no didn’t mean no, they soon learned that I do not take prisoners.

This has been a hard, hard lesson and I am so glad that I know that I do not have to put up with ‘stuff’.

In case you are thinking that I must have been a pushover before. Not at all, more that I have practiced open borders, whereas now, I realise that this serves no one.

#14 – Expect the unexpected

Weeeelllllll. That’s an understatement isn’t it? The world on lockdown as we work to find a resolution to the virus.

I’m taking it in my stride and decided to stop the launch of Manifesting Magic. I looked at what content I had that I thought would be useful – things around journaling – this is a great time to heal with writing. And I asked what can I change? That was interesting, I decided to not be in fear. I’d felt it rising and after exploring in my journal decided to breathe and go with the flow.

So for you, what can you stop, start and change?

Other life lessons

  • People will still be dicks, just don’t react. I feel angry (breathing through this) at some people locally who have nine dogs trapped in their house and even with the opportunity to get out – all four humans are still inside. My heart is breaking for those poor babies
  • You don’t need to overstock, I bet like me you always have plenty of food, though I was pleased to find that I did have another foundation (ok not really stockpiling), as I am running out
  • Eat everything (within reason). Remember your parents telling you to clear your plate. There was a reason. Don’t waste your food, there are still many that don’t have that luxury
  • Sometimes rules aren’t for breaking…

Not a life lesson, but get a dog

I love my dogs like nothing else. The power in our unity is incredible. When I wake they are there, so close I am almost out of my kind size bed. In the evening I am reminded that they love me because they make horrible love farty smells – that kill me. They lick me when I least expect it, are at the fridge door before I even know I’m going to open it and know what order the treats come out of the drawer of love.

Best of all during the lockdown they are allowed to walk me.

There are so many abandoned dogs who will give you unconditional love and I am guessing that a lot more poor souls will find themselves homeless soon. Take them in – your life will never be the same again.

There are many more life lessons that have come to me over this last year, and I may be inspired to write some more, but for now, that’s it.

What has life lessons has 2020 taught you so far?

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