No one is full of confidence all the time, and everyone has times of low self-esteem and low self-worth. It’s a bummer when it happens. One minute you are full of the joys of whatever season it is and the next wham!
And it’s a sneaky one…
This confidence review and circle exercise have been there to support me when I knew something was coming up. I used this yesterday with a client and I am waiting to hear how things went!
The lack of trust in our own abilities can be damaging to our potential, as it can stop us from doing the things that we are really capable of doing.
Grab your journal, a cuppa and some cake…
Take this quick confidence review, it will, I promise, be quite revealing.
Complete the following sentences:
CONFIDENCE to me means…
When I see someone who has LOW CONFIDENCE levels they:
When I see someone who has HIGH CONFIDENCE levels they:
My confident self:-
When other people see me, they see….
When faced with problems this person (your new confident self) thinks….
Now sit and visualise yourself with all of the new confident traits and abilities that you have. Guess what you had them all the time, you just kept them hidden.
This time we are going to create a tool that we can use anywhere…
The beauty of this is that you can throw down a circle anywhere. So let’s say you have been called for an emergency meeting. One the way to the meeting throw down the circle walk into it as you head to the meeting and voila!
So simple, and yet so powerful…
If this resonates and you want to work with an intuitive coach who will help you to traverse the heady world of being human, clearing blocks on the way to knowing what you want and who you want to be with the magic of the chakras and journaling, please book a call.
Before I left for Spain a few years ago, I had a vision. It wasn’t anything to do with my business. It was a book, a novel no less that was going to be turned into a film and the rest as they say would be history.
As I drove from Wales to my mums in Spain, I played fantasy revenge novel plot lining while thinking about the less than nice husband I’d left. This was to be my novel. As there was no radio and two bored doggies in the back of the motorhome, I was left with nothing but my vivid imagination. And it was fun.
I’d packed what I could, but there wasn’t much room for my things. One thing I kept was my vision board. If nothing else I wanted to be reminded of my yearning to write novels, funny ones with an underlying message. I still do have this vision.
The trouble is, as yet I haven’t taken
The reason that creating a vision was at the front of my mind was that last week I repurposed a planner. I’d designed it for a course and a personal branding book that I haven’t touched since leaving the shores of the UK. I was clearly a very different person as the planner is no longer recognisable.
Repurposing it was, however, a great opportunity to think about how I now like to plan. Asking what works for me and inviting a living vision into my life.
I realised that having a vision which I regularly review is important to me and I wanted this vision to live in me. I wanted a living vision. Having a vision statement feels felt stagnant and inflexible now.
Using my planner in this way and testing it so that I would actually get things done has meant that my vision has come alive. It flows and it feels like it is living.
Visions work when they are living
At the start of every month, you take the time to write about your perfect day. I like the perfect day exercise as it allows me to play with my imagination. You may choose to write it in another way and it is important that it works for you.
I sit for a while and tap into my writing muse and allow him or her to share their thoughts around what perhaps a perfect day might look like. Then I start to write without censure.
Would you be head banging to Nirvana while swigging a cheeky vino, a designer beer or perhaps a real ale at the end of your Thursday. Because of course you’d only work three days a week.
Maybe you are spending a few hours walking around your estate with your dogs and partner as you plan your next product launch. Perhaps you are discussing some other investment or early retirement and driving around Europe?
Is there a beach, a mountain, a city or maybe all three in your vision?
What about how you work and your business?
You could have only the right kind of clients who always pay on time, who love working with you. and telling all their influential friends that you are awesome.
There could be reinvention, diversification and innovation. All you have to do is let your imagination free.
I get that there could be flights of fantasy. Like the novel, I haven’t written, but the truth is just by focusing on it has meant that I am starting it on January 1st 2021.
What I found with my living vision was that with each iteration it felt more real. And I found myself being able to be realistic with priorities, timeframes and what I could and wanted to achieve.
Living visions require us to use our imagination, but also to consider how this makes us feel and what has to happen to inspire action. I have found myself far more productive and I can see products, courses and books coming alive far more than at the beginning of the year.
Stuff is getting done.
You may have a book that you want to write and it could feel like it is a long way away. You may consider that you don’t have the resources or the time. You may even be unclear what the book is really about.
A living vision will help you to envision this book, which will get you questioning if it aligns with your brand and business. The more you play and ponder the closer you will get.
A perfect day could be that you find a way to write your book while you build your brand. That might mean creating an outline and blogging your book. In your envisioning you see yourself getting fabulous feedback which allows you to refine your outline and as your ideal customer gets a feel for you, more work comes in. The perfect day is your eureka day and you have the right idea and content.
A perfect day might be further away and it’s the day a publisher says yes and later you are a bestseller.
I started a project in 2020 around the chakras. I now have a program called The Journey Of The Heart, 7 chakra journaling books (one down 6 to go) and 7 courses to go with the books (still in development).
All of these were on my living vision board that I create from my perfect day exercise.
My invitation to you is to allow your imagination to feed your monthly, weekly and daily planning. Write often about your perfect day and allow yourself to dream. As you create more of a living vision the more you will live your vision.
Remember to take action appropriate action, consider your priorities and if your priorities change then one would hope that’s a move in the right direction.
If you find yourself procrastinating it may well be that this vision and subsequent action plan are not aligned.
The living vision is working for me and I hope that it does for you. I wonder what I’ll think in a years time when I look back on my first perfect day exercise.
When you have stuff on your mind please book in for a Power Hour session and let’s see if we can get you closer to what you want.
Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling restricted and limited. I know why. My oldest dog – Ferdy – was getting weaker and thinner, and I knew that I would have to say goodbye soon. I had been determined he would go in his sleep because I knew that I didn’t want to take him to the vet. And I can tell you, stepping out of my little ‘perfect world’ bubble was not comfortable.
Now I am not likening losing a beloved animal with being in or out of a comfort zone, more that sometimes we have to do things that are right for all concerned – no matter how uncomfortable it can seem for us personally.
There have been many times when I have pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do. When I reflect back I can see that I am not a feel the fear and do it anyway kind of person, I am more of a let’s just get this thing done person.
Until I was, like many, in lockdown and what followed, I hadn’t really thought about how predictable life had become. Yes, I live in a remote place. No, there is not really anywhere I want to go to. Yes, I am content. No, I don’t yearn for many material things. There was one thing I wanted which was to go and visit my friends across the water for my birthday, and that is not to be. How foolish it seemed to get on a plane and have to spend the time I had available to see people in isolation – I can do that at home.
But what did come up for me was my business. Some of the things I was doing left me feeling unfulfilled, but I had been afraid to change. I knew what I was doing, and so I argued why change?
I was asked recently by my coach, what are you worst at? Starting, changing or stopping? It didn’t take me long to know the answer – stopping. I have found it hard to stop and for a multitude of reasons. I guess it’s a bit like hoarding – you just don’t want to let things go.
What about you? Do you feel like your life has become predictable? Is it unfulfilling and boring? Are you ready to pursue your purpose? Or follow a long-held passion? Is your vision calling you?
Deciding you need to make a change means you need to revise your current way of life. Perhaps do a bit of a declutter. Start in the kitchen and throw all of your out of date food away and donate what you will never eat to the food bank. This could make way for a healthier lifestyle. Er, yes I have shocked myself with what I had stuffed in my cupboards.
I looked at what I was doing in my business and drawing in a deep breath, did a massive declutter of my online courses. I updated some and some I chucked in the bin! I looked at a book I was writing and asked is this the direction I want to take this?
Mostly I thought about the things I desired from my heart and asked if I was fulfiling my purpose?
Somehow I had followed a path that said this should be what I did, rather than connect to my heart and ask for the truth.
What was wonderful in that deep discarding and searching for clues was that I did find answers that were so obvious that they were obvious.
We build layers around our comfort zone, and it becomes like a little next for us to hibernate in. I may have my moon in cancer, but that is no excuse.
What you will also now know about me now is that when I make a decision, I just get on with it. Ok, I’ll admit that there were parts of my business that I have wanted to dump for about four years. But it felt like I had decided overnight…
Whatever type of change you are making (or proposing), there are some simple things you can do to get out of your rut and begin living your purpose.
● Figure out what makes you happy. Ok – this can be easier said than done. But ask yourself, what lifts your spirits or makes your heart sing? Is it being in nature or playing sports or music? Is it reading or creating art? Maybe you love helping people. Make a list and take action on it to bring more joy into your life and start taking steps to live your life purpose. I recently discovered the joy of online art classes. Falling into my creativity on a Saturday morning is bliss. Creativity forms part of my purpose.
● Begin saying yes to the things you want to do but are afraid of. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new or challenging. Be open to new experiences that make you feel good. Saying YES is a powerful way to connect to a more abundant life. I encourage my clients to say yes more often.
● Get rid of the clutter. Too much stuff holds you back. Clutter isn’t just the junk in the kitchen cupboard. Limiting beliefs, spending mindless hours scrolling social media or watching television, and bad lifestyle habits are all forms of clutter. Only last night, I challenged my group to declutter their kitchens – this makes way for a healthy lifestyle.
● Make a list of things you want or need to stop doing. Practice saying no to what doesn’t bring you joy that you can control. Eliminate the energy-draining tasks that aren’t necessary. It’s also saying no as a complete sentence. Practice that today, just say no.
● Say No to fear. Fear stops you from taking risks. When you don’t take risks, you don’t step into living your life with purpose. Notice when you are letting fear guide you and set your foot down on it. A great thing to do with fear is to spell out the words in the moment you feel it rising. Take each letter, make a new word and then create a new story. F-fabulous, E- endearing, A-agreeable, R-reality.
Commit to taking control of your life and leaping into one that fulfils your purpose with joy.
One way to do this is to imagine that you are in a field with a perceived boundary. It appears that there is no way out. But, take a breath and look again. Picture a portal in front of you – I call this the Venus Gateway. A portal which sits in your heart and which through you can adventure.
Walk up to and step up to the portal (fans of Stargate – imagine that), there are just three steps. Take another breath, take the three steps down the other side. You are now in the field of possibilities.
Look around and let your imagination flow. There are no boundaries, no fluffy toys or cuddle blankets – just opportunities and possibilities.
What do you learn, and what can you bring back to implement?
You know that, right? It holds you back from going after what you want while enjoying the experiences of life. You miss out on the opportunities that will stretch you and give you strength. We are here in this human guise to experience life – so let’s do that.
When you want a life with purpose and meaning your comfort zone keeps you from advancing your business, career, going for your goals, and reaching for you’re the possibilities that make life worthwhile. It keeps you from pursuing what brings you joy.
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be scary. Yikes, is that what it looks like on the other side, you may be pondering? But it is where you will find the excitement and joy of the life you desire. If it’s too scary to jump completely into your purpose, take small steps – chunk it down, baby!
Staying in your comfort zone robs you of growth – even painful growth. It keeps you from changing, being and becoming who you are meant to be. It keeps you from stepping up to the stage (Thank you Wembley) and letting the world hear what you have to offer.
Living in your comfort zone robs you of new experiences that make your life worth living. It steals your right to live a fulfilling and enriching life.
“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” – Yoda
Ok, these times are odd, and we know that your comfort zone is a space you create around yourself where you feel safe. But, you can become trapped in this space and not even realize it because you have become accustomed to the way you do things and how you are living.
Staying in your comfort zone keeps you from realizing you are denying yourself of the possibility of living a fulfilling, purposeful life and playing in the field of possibilities.
1. You aren’t motivated to start any new projects or make plans for something new. Aka losing your mojo.
2. You have a fear of taking risks, missing out on good opportunities. You don’t have to take silly, big risks – try a little baby one right now… Perhaps go for the orange lipstick instead of beige – guys too 🙂
3. You’ve done things the same way for years. You have the same routine you do for everything. Today, keep taking the left instead of right or straight on – who knows where you will end up…
4. You fight against new ideas. Especially ones that don’t fit into your current routine or ideals.
5. You aren’t learning new things that will actually make a difference in your life.
What would you add to your list – given that you know yourself so well? My invitation is to take each one and to turn it into a question. E.g. You fight against new ideas, can become, who would I be if I embraced new ideas? You can then go onto do an ideas storm for where you want to go next. Perhaps this will lead to your brilliant vision?
It’s impossible to know your purpose without some level of self-reflection. To reveal your purpose, asking the right questions will help you get the results you seek. Reflect on the answers when you ask yourself these questions. Keep an open mind, and you will emerge with an open heart.
Your first step in the new chapter in the book of your life is instead of thinking about what defined you before, consider who you are now and who you want to become.
We do things because we like them until we become teenagers and social pressure with the need to impress others steers us away from what we love to do. Adulthood finds us concerned with the practicality of our choices. We just lose sight of what we want doing what others say we should…
This last question is the one that I love the most. My role is to inspire my clients to become the inspiration that they seek.
“If you want more hope for your future, go help someone else and have more hope for their future.” Germany Kent
I believe that we are at a point in humanity where we all have to step up and be good role models – to inspire others to be and become.
It’s like a set of dominos. If I can inspire you to create that thing that is dear to your heart and very existence – then you will, if you take action, inspire someone else.
All of this contemplating will hopefully move you out of your comfort zone into the field of possibilities and got you thinking, mmm, where next?
When there is purpose in your life, you have a driving need to follow certain goals, to live a specific way and to not be wandering each day aimlessly without a particular direction. Purpose keeps you motivated to continue working on your goals, even when the task is difficult, or you face obstacles. It gives your life meaning, brings more joy into everything you do and gives a brighter outlook for your future.
People who have a purpose in life tend to enjoy life (and are healthier) more than those who do not have a clear life purpose. They know what they want and go after it. They have a clear idea of what they want from life and a definite plan for how to achieve a fulfilling and joyful life.
Self-reflection and knowing your inner self are required in order to find your life purpose. Ask yourself the necessary, tough questions and listen to the answers. Listen to the whispers of your soul.
Take time to find your life purpose. It takes work and can be eye-opening. However, when you do find your purpose, you become focused on living your life to meet that purpose.
Once you have a good idea of life purpose, the next step is to determine how to incorporate the knowledge into your life. Wishes and ideas are the easy part; it’s the implementation that is challenging.
Just so you know, my purpose is to inspire others to create something of meaning so that they can become an inspiration to others.
My vision is of a world where each of us inspires someone else in some way to be who we are meant to be.
My mission is to create a community with inspiring people from all walks of life, who do one thing each day to make them feel proud.
Call me idealistic, but I believe that each of us has the capacity for great love and we have enough of this love energy to share a bit of it each day so that our fellow humans can connect in commUNITY with us to inspire others to be their best selves.
It just takes a little step outside of our rigid comforting areas into this vast expanse field of possibilities and do the things that are fulfilling, purposeful and full of meaning.
Do I always feel warm and fuzzy about life? Of course not? I have my moments when I could smack someone in the face for being a [insert swear word of your choice]. But as my dear mum says – I am only human – it’s allowed.
And as the beautiful Heather Small sings – what have you done today to make you feel proud?
Perhaps you feel inspired and ready to rock? Come and join me…
EN:VISION is a live boot camp (and online course – self-paced) which enables you to design a vision based on insight and clarity so that your living vision board delivers results not only when you create it, but for years to come.
EN:VISION has three parts which are design, create and action and seven steps:
This ensures that before you start, you are CLEAR and ready to DESIGN the life and business you desire. When you CREATE, you will have all of your keywords, images, affirmations and power statements ready. EN:VISION is all about enabling your vision. Finally, you will know how to FOCUS your energy, what aligned ACTION to take and how to use FEEDBACK.
In case you are wondering EN:VISION stands for enabling visions.
It’s Sunday afternoon as I sit to write this. So far today I have walked my dogs three times. I confess to not wanting to go out so often sometimes, but I am always grateful for the air and time to think. Also, today I have been making workbooks for an up and coming program. Creation and being creative is something I adore. Going for the walks lets the processes fall into place. It’s all quite magical.
There’s a cake that wants to be made. A chocolate cake – but I am lacking the requisite enthusiasm. In fact, my enthusiasm has deserted me these last few days, and I have found that I have had to push myself to get things done.
Take yesterday, I was due to renew my online art class, and I kept thinking I can’t be bothered and what’s the point and even worse I should be cleaning up. With just an hour to go, I told myself to get over me, pay and go. But I wailed to no one, in particular, what shall I paint?
Just days before I was looking at a friends art and one picture came to mind in this moment. I went in search of a picture of a fertility goddess and was pleased to find a statue to use. My inspiration returned.
A few hours later it was half done and I was pleased that I’d made the effort.
It’s easy to give up isn’t? Especially right now when we no longer have the external freedoms that we once did. I’m certainly missing my girly lunches at the coast. Though I confess a friend did make me lunch last week, and we sat looking out onto the most spectacular mountains.
All of this made me think of how can we find a space for inner peace and meet yourself where you are?
Awareness gives you choices and understanding. When I bring attention to my body, I can hear her speaking to me, and it gives me clues about what to do next.
I use a model called the heart connection model, it started off as something I had printed off and would use either with a pendulum or use my intuition to know where to go. Now I ‘see’ the model inside of me. Each day I ask what do I need to know and I am guided to a colour and energy centre (chakra).
This super awareness of what my heart wants to tell me gives me clues about what I need to know, and I can ponder on how the messages can support me through the day. I find keywords come to me, and I turn these into questions and affirmations.
This means that every day I can let my intuition guide my awareness and push or pull me in the direction I need to go.
While I ponder I also let me awareness drift to my breathing. That’s a sure sign of what is going on.
To do: Stop what you are doing and simply notice your breath. What do you learn from this observation? And when you notice your breath and take it around your body – what else do you learn?
This is about taking a 360 degree view of my life via a set of life areas.
Within these I have a set of questions and I use a wheel of fortune – similar to a wheel of life – but called fortune as I like the idea that we are in control of our fortune/fate.
To do: This is one for your journal. Put a stake in the ground and look around. This may seem very simple, but it is, in fact, very powerful and may bring up all kinds of feelings. You must look around you and take it all in. Use the life areas to guide you. Acknowledge that this is where you find yourself. Describe where you find yourself. Consider how this feels. What do you see and what do you know about this place?
I ask this of everyone I work with. What do you want to create could be here and now – the short term. Or sometime in the future – a timeframe that you want to choose. Some people think that this could be their legacy and it could, but in reality, your legacy is what other people value about what you leave behind, not what you think they will get.
Asking this question starts the envisioning process. It’s about what you think is possible without the confines of your I can’t language. Creation gives us the big picture and then you can come back to where you are and have an idea of what your next aligned step is.
To do: Ask what do I want to create? Put pen to paper, start with the mundane and allow the magic to flow.
Meeting yourself where you are is connecting to your emotions and feelings in this moment. Do you feel angry, helpless, trapped or joyful, or light and with a sense of inner peace? I know that the people I am talking to swing between the good and the not so good almost within the same minute.
I think it’s important to sit with your feelings and notice (become aware) of what they are saying to you and why?
When you look at yourself without judgement and merely observe it is incredibly powerful. This is not the time to fix you, it’s the time to notice.
Fixing, slaying or healing can come later. I, of course, prefer to heal, rather than take a hammer to them and fix them up against the good feelings wall and declare triumphantly ha got you!
To do: Stop for a moment and write in your journal the emotion you feel and what you observe about it.
Even in my darkest moments, something happens to make me laugh. It’s usually one of the dogs. Perhaps I’ll be chewing my food and not paying attention and Angel decides that mmm she’d like some of that and since I wasn’t paying attention it might as well be hers. I laugh, every time she does something because she is sweet, funny and loving. Then there are the farts (usually Marley) when you are meditating – yes I do laugh.
To do: Remember to laugh at the small things. Let moments of joy seep in.
Oh this one has caught me so many times. I find myself wanting the yuk to be over with NOW. What I have learned is things always get better and to be kind to myself. Journaling, eating cake (not all of it) and walking with the dogs always lift my mood.
I remind myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day. And that all I have to do is one thing that moves me in the direction that I want to go in. When I look back in my journal, I can see just how far I have come and that’s reason to celebrate – isn’t it.
Let go of what doesn’t serve you. What might seem important right now, often doesn’t the following day.
To do: Write in your journal and then occasionally take time to reflect. Remember to celebrate how much you have grown. Also give yourself permission to focus on what’s important.
Start where you are. Utilise what you have. Express what you need. Take one tiny step.
Remember your value and values. What do you value and why? Where did your ideas around value come from? Value this moment and what it teaches you about you.
What are your values? How do you know that they are? Who taught them to you? Do you own them and live by them?
Value yourself and live by your values, these two things will help you to navigate life.
Journey Of The Heart is about creating a life that you love. Could this be the start you need to make?
Knowing that the path you are walking is your true life path is a question many people have asked. Where am I going? Why am I here? What is it that I am meant to be doing in this lifetime? It’s a terribly human thing to desire surety, to know for certain that this is the right way for us. We think that we should know where we are going. We set goals and take action and do stuff and often find ourselves frustrated and angry that things are not going to plan. Things keep happening and wham all your best-laid plans go to rat shit. I have learned over the years that plans are good as long as you allow your heart to change them. After all, a plan is merely a suggestion, isn’t it?
Heading out of the house this morning, the dogs led the way. They know the path by now. I put on Audible and started listening to Chillpreneur. The book was recommended to me and to be honest, it was a welcome change from all of the very spiritual books I have been listening to.
I caught sight of the doggies sniffing last nights playful fox trails and eating boar droppings, they were following their intuition. They weren’t struggling with shall I stay on this path, they were going for gold.
Ok, it’s easy for the dogs, eat, poo, sleep and wander around the hills. But there is a lesson in exploring, being curious, open and considering possibilities. They are so bright, those doggies.
There have been many times over the last few years when things have gone wrong that I have screamed which fricking life path am I meant to be travelling on? One moment you let me make plans for this and then something happens. Help me to know.
The truth is knowing would take the fun out of things. Maybe you don’t agree with that, but I have had to learn so much about letting go and trusting and still there is more to learn. I am getting better at being less impatient and listening. No, seriously, I am.
If you are feeling stuck, pissed at life, wondering what next or even feeling like you are living someone else’s life. Consider these that have guided my expansion and growth.
These are what resonate with me, perhaps there are others that you would add to the list?
On the last full moon, I’d set some powerful intentions, one of which was combining my spiritual work with my strategic work. It seemed so obvious after all of the mithering. There is no this or that, I am who I am, and I am always on the right path. Knowing it is one thing but doing something is quite something else.
With the full moon ebbing, I sat once more with my journal, eyes half-closed and wondering – what is Spirit trying to tell me, with the mad dreams and other signs? What am I not hearing? Connecting my heart with Mother Earth and breathing gently, in my head, I heard the answer. Don’t look for the key it will find you. Pausing I realised that I had been pushing too hard for an answer, for a solution to this malaise that I was feeling.
Over the week before the full moon, I’d been having wild dreams all about being reborn and new starts. And I felt dread wash over me. No more starting again, please!
I have started again so many times. Although I confess, the last fresh start was much needed, albeit a tough one. I’m sat here today feel pretty chill that I have so many skills and experiences that have contributed to my vast well of knowledge.
But here’s where I found myself. I was almost renouncing my strategic business stuff in favour of following a spiritual path. When it struck me that what I needed to do was to combine the two – doh!
I dug out my 90-day plans – mmm. I reviewed my strategic plan for 2021 – mmm. Ok, I thought here we go again. The path is no longer the path. The path and plans are changing. I felt resistance like you cannot imagine… And then I spoke with my coach – they always help you to clear the debris, don’t they?
In among this, I was slowed down with a cough. By being stopped, I had time to reflect and scribble and by allowing everything felt easier, and it made sense. Naturally, I still have to take action.
Stop searching: I know it’s hard, but what I believe is that all is in divine order and you already hold the master key. Pop it in the lock and let the door swing slowly open.
Know this; your crappy life is your gift. In my life, there have been many turning points and crossroads. I’ve lost count of the forks in the road and the journeys along so many seemingly strange paths. I ask you, who hasn’t encountered an unexpected bend, a twist or turn they weren’t anticipating? Every day the master plan, the route through life continues exactly as it should and yet we face it with fear, disappointment, and anger. We get on the magic bus of life and sit helplessly as it appears to drives us, we think, in the wrong direction.
We need to look backwards, not so that we can dwell in or on the rubbish part of our lives, but to gain wisdom or hindsight that provides flashes of insight to where we now find ourselves. Combine this with our magical formula of foresight, intuition, inner knowing we have an indispensable system for moving forwards.
The key to your inner guidance system is to stop, listen and learn, from the past, present and future because they are all, in reality, our now. The choices we make today affect all of our tomorrows. The choices of yesterday do the same. Everything collides beautifully into the book of our lives. That rich flow of endless words which come to guide us. Not written on parchment or carved in wood, but deep inside our souls. And all we have to do is listen.
Life is rarely one long period of ecstatic peace, love, and harmony; it is made up of lessons for us to learn. Each lesson teaching us something amazing about ourselves, and if we don’t learn the lesson the first time, it somehow creeps up and bites us on the bum.
Sometimes those dratted lessons keep spinning around until something jolts us awake. Then you often find that after a period of let’s call it grieving, you find that gorgeous peace once again descends, and you have a slow and enchanted growth period.
Life goes in revolutions (fast stuff) and evolutions (slow stuff). Neither exists without the other, and both exist because of each other.
Think for a moment of every revolution in your life—Times of abrupt change, followed by times of quiet consideration. Eruptions, solitude, eruptions, quietude and so your world revolves and evolves.
What I have also come to realise is that it is in the act of observation; in becoming a witness that one can gain the most value, gain understanding, seeing repeated patterns, reasons for particular behaviours, what your scripts are and so much more. The past is a beautiful synchronistic set of events that lead you to your now. Your past is an encyclopaedia for you to reference. What a rare and glorious gift, your book of life is, that guides you artfully along your life path.
Expansion and transformation is a part of a process that keeps you awake, aware and alive. Writing eases you into expansion, it is a gentle, iterative and an evolving process. It cannot be forced, and nor does it just happen. It takes work, but it does work.
There comes a time in many people’s lives when the life we are living no longer makes any sense; we feel stuck and fearful of facing our demons. Unknown and unseen monsters tear away at us. We unwittingly shape our lives, putting on a face for our public and all the while we live in constant terror that one day someone will unearth our secrets and show us for the frauds we are. We are not frauds, just fearful.
When that time comes, we search blindly, looking for answers about who we are in the strangest places when, in reality, the search needs to move inwards, where all of the answers reside.
In taking the courageous step of examining who we are and the things we have done or had done to us, we run the risk of crashing. When we career over the precipice and hit the bottom of the canyon, there is only one way out, and that is to find our inner courage and to take control. Give yourself the gift of writing yourself a new adventure, where you are the heroines (or heroes) and can control your outcomes.
Through writing, reflection, and creativity, you can pull things into perspective.
For anyone who wonders what next? Put pen to paper, see what emerges, reflect, and learn a new way of writing the next part of your journey and personal story. Writing is cathartic, and when your soul is laid bare, you can either lie down and die, or you can recognise who you are and fight back.
Writing won’t solve anyone’s issues, but it will help to shine a light and in the process enabling painful memories to be uncovered, written about, and for healing to take place.
I work on the premise that we are all perfectly imperfect (to steal a title from Lee Woodruff) and that we are the best judges of how to heal ourselves, although we may not know it in our darker moments.
At no point is this about fixing you, making you well or sorting your shit out. No matter where you find yourself, this is about you learning more about you every day and taking action in whatever way is relevant to you. From expansion comes transformation, spiritual growth and evolution. We all have a personal choice about what we do next.
Writing has been my saviour and certainly eased me along my life path.
You can start by journaling, or you can look at what you have learned and turn that into a book. Writing a book will enable you to clarify your purpose and your processes, and you will have so much fun getting it written. I’d love to connect with you and walk by your side, guiding in this process. Please give me a call and let’s chat your life path book.
PS: your purpose is already in your heart, you simply have to get out of your way and allow the key to unlock your treasure.
Journey Of The Heart is about how you can start living the life you want. How you can wake up happy to be you, with a sense of direction, knowing what you want and how to get it.
When I was growing up I wanted to be stand on the stage in Wembley and say those famous words ‘thank you Wembley, I love you’ after delivering an awesome gig.
The trouble was I was told that I would never become a singer and so my singing voice became, as predicted not that great and so I would probably be booed off the stage.
That’s not how I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered for the right reasons. I want to be remembered as someone who others thought had found who she was, acted from her heart, highest self and was kind.
And of course, I want people to love my courses, books, cake and my dogs.
I am also happy to be remembered for my quirkiness, intuition, ideas imagination and turning ideas into simple things.
In order to understand how important being the CEO of your is, think beyond where you currently are. Think about who you want to be or become.
I believe that it is who we become on the way to getting what we want that is the most important thing.
Where ever you are heading, you are the captain of your ship, the CEO of your life and your business. That’s a big responsibility. You are charting success for you, whilst mindful of the map laid out for you when you left the soul place.
You probably already know lots of people who look like they have got it together – rocking their lives as it were. Maybe they do and maybe they don’t.
Being the CEO of my life means I have:
It also means that:
So how do the 11’cs help me to do that? Consider these points.
Whether you know it or not, you are an expert in your life. Trouble is you probably take all of your knowledge, skills and experience for granted and assume that everyone else can do what you do too. They don’t.
To Do: Remember the conscious competence model where we get to the point of knowing what we know and just doing it.
Here’s your challenge – grab your journal and create a talent map across all areas of your life. Next, mark what you love and then what you are just good at. Reflect. What stands out?
Showing up as the goddess (everyone loves being a Goddess – don’t they) of your life gives you a level of credibility that nothing else can. It is simply proof that you are an authority on your YOU subject. You will be establishing yourself as someone to trust and earning respect in the process.
To do: Look at your list of loves (up there). Which of these are you showing up as a leader in your field for? Which ones are missing? Reflect.
We all have competitors, I wonder how many have taken the time out to really consider who they are, what their values represent and how they show up. How are you different?
Living by your core values and from the heart will give you an ‘advantage’. When you know what your competitive advantage is you can:-
So what is your competitive advantage? Your brand, pricing, unique services, expert in a niche, turn big pictures into tangible products… Define what makes you different and then talk about these things.
To do: Look at the things that you love how do they make you different and unique. Which ones are sustainable options for the future?
By carefully crafting what you stand for you not only become clear about you (change one), you will show others that they can do or achieve. You lead the way and inspire others to change and become their best selves.
To do: Look at the things that you love, consider your competitive advantage and ask in what ways can you use these to inspire others to know what is possible in the world?
Humans love connection and at a time when that is being eroded how can you become a connector? Being your best self and showing up connects you emotionally to your community. It’s the small things that you do from the heart, with kindness and compassion which will leave your YOU mark on others.
To do: How can you show up each day with kindness and compassion and connect your heart to others hearts?
Making conscious choices that are connected to your heart will guide your life like no other map.
There are some simple rules about becoming fully conscious in your choices and that is to first understand how you do things. If you do not know how you do things, how can you know how to make conscious choices work for you?
To do: Read this article how to become more conscious in your decision making
Carefully decide who you maintain heart and soul contracts with. When something ends, look at the lesson, appreciate the gift and rip the contract up. Move on and embrace people who deserve your love and attention.
To do: Make a list of your a, b, c and d people. Who are your a’s? Who can you move from b to a. And what will you do with the rest?
Actually going beyond the fear and lack of self-belief process and coming out the other side as a person with a who has embraced the grunge of life with grace is amazing for your inner confidence. This is a massive subject which has filled many books. Where do I start? Perhaps with this question?
If you were brimming with confidence what would you do?
Take the leap from the corporate rat race and follow your dreams? You can start planning now. Start to think about your personal brand and get yourself ready for the big leap.
Sell up, pack up and travel around the world? Why not proactively look around for opportunities to make it happen. Ok, the world is a bit restricted right now, but hopefully not forever.
How about that hobby you’d love to turn into a paying business? Take the first step in doing some research, learn how to monetize it, then take it from there.
Or are you already in business, but lacking the confidence to step up, step out, or charge what you’re worth?
Whatever that one thing is, if you’re not there yet or toying with how to get there.
To do: If you could confidently say yes to just one thing, what would it be?
Becoming YOU is cathartic. Actually working out who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world is terrifying, but it enables you to tap into parts of you that may not have considered.
That’s why I love journaling and writing. When I explore me through journaling I gain masses of clarity and I heal. When I write books, I heal again.
To do: Grab your journal again and ask who can I be if I were just me? Be mindful of what comes up and explore that with your coach.
When you know how you got here while enjoying the peace of the present moment, you can contemplate and get clarity of where you are heading next. Clarity comes in the spaces, understanding the lessons learned no matter how horrible and appreciating the ahas from them.
I believe that to feel compassion for your fellow man you are either born that way or have been tested in some way. That’s not to say that you have, more that for me having been through some tough times made me more aware and compassionate.
It won’t always be easy; because when it comes to living as a compassionate, non-judgmental human being, the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime, comfortably in your own.
To do: Become aware of the heart chakra which is located near your physical heart in the centre of the chest. This centre, when awakened and healthy, governs your capacity to have compassion, forgiveness, understanding, generosity, empathy, caring and love, for self and others. When it comes to making a choice about something take your hand to your heart and connect with your compassion.
Phew, that’s a lot of stuff to do. I’m sure I can think of many more ‘c’s, but it’s time to control myself and not get carried away. Take one thing that resonates with you and head to your journal to explore.
Let me leave you with this final question – Who do you want to become?
I was asked, ok so now that I have got all of that stuff out, what do I do with it, how do I change my life?
Well, I paused. You need to make some choices. You either choose a rubbish life or you choose something else which is in alignment with your heart, purpose and soul. And, I laughed how about choosing something better than that? If that is even possible.
It’s hard isn’t it? I’ve stayed in awful relationships and jobs because I was too scared to choose something else, something for my higher good.
Then one day – there is always a fateful day – I did choose something different and I didn’t procrastinate over it, like I’d done in the past. I went with my gut and my heart and figured out what my head would do later.
I made a conscious decision and the right choice just because I knew it was the right one.
And it changed my life – phew!
Easy because some decisions can be made on the spot based on gut instinct. Hard because the decision is harder, it needs more time, more reflection, you may not be good at making decisions for new things, or you are just rubbish (or think you are) at consciously choosing, you may need external validation or there may be some other reason that makes this a hard decision.
There is no such thing as a wrong choice. All roads lead you home.
There are some simple rules about becoming fully conscious in your decision making and that is to first understand how you do things. If you do not know how you do things, how can you know how conscious decision making will work for you?
I’m not a believer of how you do everything is how you do anything. I do believe that for certain things you do have a pattern. I choose IT equipment differently to choosing food for example.
So let’s talk about food.
Food choices and decisions can be traditionally hard to spot.
What I am talking about is making choices about what to eat based on your emotional state. It’s something most of us do on an unconscious level.
I had been working with a client and we had a fantastic session that went on longer than usual. This made me late for an appointment I had with the eco veg lady. Halfway down the mountain, I got a call from the woman to say she’d got the wrong day. (I did pull over when I heard my WhatsApp call)
Because I was late and I hadn’t eaten I was immediately cross. As I sat in the car I could feel my annoyance grow. Taking a few deep breaths I asked ‘what choices can I make instead’ and ‘how can I make the best of this?’
I did a quick reframe and thought, well that’s okay, I know where I can get a gluten-free sandwich and there’s various errands I can run which will be useful.
However, my luck was out and the cafe was closed, I could feel my energy dip even more, but thought one last errand and I can get home.
When I reached the final shop I was feeling lightheaded and uncomfortable and so when I passed the ice cream freezers I was immediately seduced by a deliciously dark Magnum. Of course, I was and it was very tasty.
In simple terms when we make a decision based on our guts it is usually fast, we just do it, however, we often do not listen to our guts and immediately override it with our heads, missing out that vital ingredient of the heart.
The head is usually best left for slow decisions that need some reflection time. If too much head is given (excuse the picture in your head) then you can risk never making a decision.
The heart is where your divine inner wisdom resides, where you have a knowing based on your values.
Each of these has a rightful place in conscious decision making. The question is how do you know when you make decisions, which of these is right for which situation?
Does it matter as long as you act or don’t act?
I believe how we form our decisions is progressive. You can use this model to consider how you made decisions through the stages of your life and how you learn.
One way to understand how this works is this.
Stop and think about how you might make a cup of tea. Now write all of the steps down and then teach someone else what you do. Easy?
You might think it’s easy, but I bet you missed loads of things out like you had to pick up the kettle and carry it to the sink, before lifting the lid, placing it under the tap, etc.
What I mean by this is we forget how we make decisions, because we become competent at making them.
The same thing applies when you choose food and drink – you become competent at making your choices. And you become well trained in emotional eating.
This model shows us the stages that we go through when acquiring new skills and knowledge. It is really useful to consider this when reviewing our decision making as it reminds us how we become unconsciously competent and serves as a useful reminder of the stages we go through when acquiring new knowledge and to be mindful of this when making choices.
This model is also known as the Learning Stages model was developed by former Gordon Training International employee, Noel Burch in the 1970’s.
Naturally, the more experiences and skills you acquire, the easier it becomes when making a decision.
But as you will know that isn’t always the case, things can come at you and throw you off track when you least expect it.
In my case, eating the Magnum was an aberration and a decision that I would come to regret. Later that night I woke up with horrendous itching from the sugar in the ice cream. Which meant that I didn’t sleep. The knock-on was that my energy was lower and I was a tad ratty the following day.
This is just a simple example, but none the less an important choice about something that could have been avoided.
On another occasion someone had come to visit for the day and she was not in a good space and took it out on me. She was quite frankly horrible. When she left with some viscous parting words I wanted not only to scream, but I wanted to stuff my face with sugar.
As I didn’t have sugar in the house this made it harder to wimp out. But I knew a friend who did have some. I stopped. Breathed into the events of the day. Asked questions. Walked around like a demented demon. Instead I drank water, planned a calming meal for later and took the dogs for a walk.
I had been hijacked and it took a lot to calm me down.
When you are faced with things that you do at an unconscious level which could go on to cause you problems there are a few things that you can do. One is to stop and assess and two is to become aware of what is happening – this is often hard to do in the moment (see above).
Use this exercise to record the event and to then discover what your decision making process is.
Grab your journal and write about the event. This is best done while it is still fresh in your mind. When you have finished stop and reflect, allow your muse to connect the dots.
Just stop. Allow yourself a few moments or minutes to take in what was going on. Breath and assess the situation. You will find all kinds of thoughts going on.
What is coming into your awareness?
What are the unconscious rules that you are playing by? All you need to do is become aware of them. How do you do things – is there a process or a pathway? What are your criteria for decision making?
Consider, three other events. What do you learn? Do you see a pattern?
How awake are you to the effect your decisions have on you, others and your environment? Again go back and review the decisions you wrote about and consider this. Also, look at how connected each was to your beliefs, values and emotional trigger points.
What or when do these events remind you of?
The friend that came to call reminded me of how much I hate being unfairly criticized.
What does this tell you? Consider the outcome and how awake you are to what this means to you.
In my Magnum example, it goes back to childhood when I was soothed with sweet things and was taught by someone that if your energy dips what you need is something sweet.
After being very unwell with a fractured spine and other complications I value my health. So why I ask did I eat this ice cream? This goes against all of my values around my health.
The bottom line is I don’t believe it is ok to eat rubbish as I value my health. However, I was hijacked by my low energy and emotions. As I am sure you will be occasionally.
How did your decisions make you feel?
I felt crap eating crap.
What was the core emotion and how does this or these emotions run your life? Dig deep.
Good conscious decision making should make you feel more alive.
This is not in the sense that you are leaping around for joy because sometimes good decisions are gut-wrenching and difficult. This is alive in the sense that they are completely connected to who you are, values, beliefs and you believe that they are right in the moment.
No, you cannot turn back the clock. What is done is done. Accept the decision you made and then decide what next, what did I learn and what, if anything will I do differently next time?
There is power and peacefulness in acceptance. This is not about giving up or not taking action, rather it is knowing that pushing against a closed door will always hurt. Whereas finding ways to open the door and walk through it without resistance will deliver far greater rewards.
Acceptance is a choice. You can see the positive or you can fight what is going on. Why would you want to wander around a littered battlefield?
Acceptance is living fully present in the moment. It’s not about the past, while that is a great source of reference for peeling the onion; it’s not where to live. Neither is it about the future because we cannot force it.
We can create visions, make decisions and we can take action, but we already know stuff can happen to throw these visions off course. That is why it is important to understand yourself, just a bit more…
Whatever happens, you need to take action, even if the action is inaction. I know that there have been times when my decision has been to simply let go, to not be attached to the outcome and quite frankly let others get on with it.
My action was to throw the rest of the ice creams in the bin, remind myself to be better prepared and to recognise more when I am being emotionally hijacked. And you know I hated throwing food away because it was a ‘waste of money’. Let’s not go there…
Because of how important my health is to me I know that this will not happen again. The pain of the night long itching is far too good a reminder…
One of the things that helps me is to take my choice to my heart.
Typically when I am journalling and I feel that the piece is finished, I stop this and place a hand on my heart, connect my breath, ask for guidance and wait. I will feel, see or sense something.
It is always interesting to notice what comes up.
What happens for me I find that I am checking in with my values when connecting with my heart.
I’ll look at how I can reframe something so that I get a better outcome. I like this opportunity for reflection.
My favourite question is do I love myself enough to? If the answer is yes, the decision is also easy.
You can do all of these things without a piece of paper. Just stop and practice the four thumps that are in this Donna Eden video. There are lots of different energy techniques. My other favourite is the zip up.
Another fundamental part of conscious decision making is to also stop and ask ‘what do I think?’ Out loud, not just in your head. That question is not for your conscious mind to analyse, more to ask the question and go deep into yourself – trance-like to allow the answers to surface.
Try it. Stop now and ask what do I think? Don’t rush, just allow. Get your pen ready and scribble.
There are three brains in the body that exists alongside the chakra system, the one in your head that you already know about, one at your heart and one at your gut. These three brains work together and communicate along another superhighway called the vagus nerve.
The name vagus comes from the Latin term for wandering. This is because the vagus nerve wanders from the brain into organs in the neck, chest, and abdomen. It therefore in case you haven’t guessed connects information in both the energetic and physical bodies.
This is why it is vital to nourish your body properly, heal your heart, embody self-love because the messages from here will influence the brain, the chemical messaging system, the neurotransmitters, your intuition, connection with spirit and how you make choices.
Stop for a moment and put your hands either side of your neck and breathe. You are now calming down the vagus nerve.
Let’s come back to emotional eating and making conscious choices for a moment.
The vagus nerve travels from the stomach to the brain. This second brain sends signals to the first brain which advises it of our emotions which naturally affects our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviour.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the gut is responsible for a lot of how we feel, our ability to live well and make decisions for our well-being. It’s a bit of a circle, because what you eat affects your brain.
What’s going on in your brain affects what you eat, how you eat and why you eat the way that you do and how you think.
What you eat (and drink) affects every cell in your body. In his book The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton talks about how our thoughts affect our cells. If you are living in a perpetually stressed place, imagine what kind of thoughts are being passed to your cells. The cells will respond in the best way that they know-how, which might not be very beneficial.
I certainly feel that the better my diet the better my ability to listen to my gut and the sharper my intuition. Maybe that’s just me?
Want to know more about the vagus nerve? Read this.
Have fun, I’d love to know what you discover…