Personal Leadership Archives - Dale Darley

Category Archives for Personal Leadership

Creating your perfect day story and action plan

It’s the start of a new month as I pen this and a time when I write about my perfect day. The first day of the month is a great trigger for thinking about what you want to create.

Already this morning I’ve had a sign from the Universe that something that I want to create is the right thing.

Let me explain… Awaking early as I do, I was called to put on the radio, more specifically radio 2. As I love to write in silence this is something I never do. When I got to the TV to choose a radio station I clicked on Heart and instead, Radio 2 started to play.

I smiled as the guest talked about something he had created, which was similar to a new ‘thing’ I wanted to create.

When you write about perfect days it opens you up to opportunities

The key to writing about your perfect day is to write it as if it were already true and full of the richness of your senses.

Whenever I journal, I learn, as you would expect, something about me. It’s not necessarily something new, more that there is something that needs to come to the surface. When surfaced, acknowledged and worked on.

I can remember going on a yoga retreat and one of the sessions was a Chakra Dance, which I had been looking forward to. What I had not anticipated was to start off loving the exercise and ending up screaming silently in my head stop the f***ing torture. I was engulfed with anger from the throat chakra up. So much so that when we came to draw our mandalas and journal about the experience there was lots of expletives and unexpressed anger.

I was delighted. Better out that in so it can be acknowledged and dealt with.

A few hours later one of my friends asked ‘where is the anger coming from?’ In a flash, I saw several instances where things had happened where I was not in control of what had occurred, where I had been taken advantage of.

In reality, there was nothing that I could have done, primarily because I was a child at the time. I realised that the knock-on effect of being unable to express myself had resulted in feelings of stuck anger at my throat. This sticky treacly anger then like a pack of dominos toppled into my other chakras, leaving me feeling tortured. It wasn’t much fun.

Later alone in my room. I explored the day’s events and in my mind, I asked myself what if I could have expressed myself?

Remembering this reminds me of many times when I didn’t express myself as I might have wished to. This is where journaling becomes so powerful, because you can write what you want and get it out.

When I look back at some of the things that happened I wonder what if I had the tools that I now have and instead of falling backwards into the void I was able to fly forwards to create a ‘perfect day’ in that space?

The reality is that I didn’t have the tools, but what I can do now is to look at the experiences through a new lens.

Instead of thinking of the past, I now concentrate on what I can create in the world.

The As If Mind

The mind likes as if because apparently it is pretty ‘dumb’ and likes to take instructions. As a child, you probably daydreamed a lot. Gazing nonchalantly out of the window into the near distance while conjuring up all kinds of beautiful things. Because you could make it real, and it was fun, it created new neural pathways to your new reality.

I wonder how many of us adults have lost the art of the daydream, and the magic of make-believe?

All is not lost, because when you create a fantasy in your minds-eye with your focus on what you want to create, you are allowing yourself to connect to a deep part of you. An element that allows your imagination to take you on a daydream to the land of creation.

The perfect day not about pretending that everything is wonderful. It is about believing that whatever position you find yourself in, you have the ability to improve your situation by trusting that it is possible to change things. For me, it’s about having faith and of course taking action.

Having faith that all will turn out as it should

Once you have had your wonderful daydream, write about it. Then hold the faith that things will go according to the master plan in the Cosmos. Having blind faith is one thing, however, if you add in some action, then you will be more than halfway there. Of course, things might not go to plan, but that might also be part of the plan. Things do have a habit of changing for all of the right reasons. Where’s the fun if you get what you think you want instead of what you need, eh?

The Universe is such a tease!

Using your imagination to create your perfect day story in daydreams and words

Do this before you go to sleep.

  • Close your eyes and imagine your perfect day as if it were already here
  • The key is to add as many delicious words, pictures, sounds, smells and tastes as possible so that you appeal to all of your senses – go on let go, you are creating a vision
  • When you have finished, sleep on it, or if you want to do it now, go for a walk to reflect
  • In the morning when you wake up, pick up your journal and write about your perfect day, remembering to make it as real as possible
  • A few days later read through and pick out the gems, themes, and keywords. These are the things that you want for your business and life
  • Head over to WordArt (or similar – you do have to pay to download – I capture the screen) and make a visual of your vision (the things you want to create) – play around until it speaks to your heart

WordART heart Feb 2019

  • Create the word cloud image and pop it into Canva and print it out (you can frame it later). You now have a visual word representation of your perfect day for this month. Our minds love visual things, so this will help to cement your vision

Add in the perfect day action plan

Vision ‘boards’ dreams and stories about your perfect day are great, but they lack action. They may trick the mind, but the mind now needs extra instructions to help us get there, wherever there is.

Steps to get from vision to action

  1. Keep your vision image in front of you
  2. Write out your goals (desires or intentions) for this month – no more than five
  3. Pick one (you can do the rest later) write the outcome of achieving this goal
  4. Then work back to the goal with the things that you need to do to make this a reality
  5. Review your 90 day planner – just review at this point
  6. Let’s get this party started
  7. Next, design your 90-day action plan, break it down into three 28-30 day plans if it’s easier.
  8. You can then chunk these into your weekly and daily planner
  9. Want to be more creative, get out your colouring pens and bring it all alive
  10. Be creative. This image is a visual reminder to take action based upon the plan which may change (we get what we need…)  Remember to connect to your intuition
  11. Keep your vision where you can see it – that’s why I love the creative part of this
  12. When you are considering your daily actions keep an eye on your board
  13. Keep taking small steps every day that leads you to your perfect day
  14. Refine and revisit as necessary

Remember to adjust your 90-day planner as needed and redo. As you work through your actions, life will probably throw a few balls at you, catch them, observe what they mean and then reimagine.

Remember to keep your vision and goals where you can see them. This is your now and your potential future. Have fun!

 

The child that stands in the way of my writing

Is there something that stands in the way of your writing? I have a stubborn, curious inner child who pops up into my head unbidden on occasion.

Just when I least expect it, she appears. ‘Why are you writing that?’ She enquires. I don’t always write what I want, sometimes I am writing for other people, but this is not what she is asking. She wants to know why I am exposing my wounds.

She wants to know why I have this desire to uncover the layers and face my uncertainties and fears.

She knows that when I do, she will have to come out of hiding. I ask quietly ‘why are you still hiding?’ She backs away; she is not shy; she shares my wounds, and she is not ready. She stays in the shadows watching me.

What stands in the way of your writing might be pain

She is me. I know that. I know that life caused her pain, not sweet pain, but an unfathomable ache that kept her in a trap of wanting to please, eager for others to like her. She wants approval. She longs for the person she is talking to turn their eyes to her and notice. Not to just see her long red hair or freckles but her soul, her inner beauty, her gifts.

She remembers winning a competition at school, but the winning wasn’t fun. She stood on the stage to receive her prize – a packet of colouring pens. She didn’t see or hear the audience clapping, she felt a fraud, because why did she deserve these congratulations? Didn’t the teacher tell her dad that she would never be good enough to go to University? Implying that she was average and not quite bright enough to go to that elite place. That damning statement stayed with her.

She was smart. She understood the complexities of maths, the nuances of language and the depth of art. She was quick to learn and quick to disrupt. She was bored with school and the uninteresting lessons. When she was called to a presentation from an art college, she wondered why did she get an invitation? Why her? She wasn’t good enough, was she?

Not good enough forced the child to never push her work forward, because it was never perfect enough for others eyes. When it wasn’t perfect, it was never finished. It languished for fear of ridicule. And so the child turned away from her talents and played another game. Pushing herself into corners far away from prying eyes, she became invisible. She thinks that she is standing in my way, but she isn’t. She helps me to understand me.

I am writing this for you’ I reply.

Memories and experiences stand in the way of your writing

This is a long ago memory and long ago feelings. I have written my way through a lot of hard stuff and grown as a person. But none the less there is often a child standing in the way of my writing.

Our memories and experiences stand in the way of our writing. It’s learning how to see the experience through new eyes.

I have learned to push through, that this resistance is a message that this ‘stuff’ needs to be dealt with and dealt with now. These days I embrace exploring these inner depths and stories because I know that I will love the outcome. Well, I will once I have screamed, cried and done whatever else needs to escape.

When it comes to writing for the world that same child can stand in the way of your writing.

So called Writer’s block is not about writing it is always what lays beneath. When you allow yourself to explore that then it does become easier to write and share openly.

You see I have learned that not everyone loves what you write, and that’s ok. I know that it’s hard to let go of perfectionism, but I also know that if I don’t get it out there, then I won’t get feedback and without that, I won’t grow – and neither will you. I make myself focus on one thing, and no matter how boring I find some of this stuff, it helps me get things done. I tell her I have found ways to overcome those irritations that have stood in my way.

Break through what stands in the way

I invite my inner child to sit and write with me. She tentatively takes up her pen and smiles. I love that cheeky smile; she has a wicked streak that isn’t revealed often. She is scared that someone will want to destroy her. Not because she deserves it, just because they can. They have stuff going on which causes them to attack without thinking. I remind her, that is their stuff, and their opinion has nothing to do with us. Send them away with love.

What do you say we have some fun?’ I ask.

My thought process is that if I can support and hold her close to me when she writes, she will know that her writing is safe.

How about we write for us?‘ I continue.

I’ve grown a bit of a tough skin and learned the art of feeling the fear (excitement) and doing it anyway. I know that I can find beauty in whatever she writes. My heart can wrap her in a web of love. Together we can write whatever we want.

She writes. Her words are big and never between the lines. Her eyes are far away as she retrieves messages from her soul. She has started, and we both know there is no going back. I kiss the top of her head, I’m not sure if she notices because her pen is flying.

Ask yourself what stands in the way of your writing?

It’s time for some honest reflection.

I don’t know what stands in the way of your writing. If you have a mischievous inner child or some other inner belief that needs dealing with before you feel confident to write. I have found that over many years of journaling which I call Writing to Heal that my confidence has grown and my layers peeled away. It hasn’t always been pretty, but it has always been rewarding.

My invitation is that if the thought of writing from your soul is a little scary then start with something like my 101 days journaling adventure (see below). Over 101 days you will be sent quotes, some food for thought, an affirmation and an invitation to explore. It’s a start, isn’t it?

10 life lessons that 2018 taught me

2018 started well, I was full of life and looking forward to what this year would bring. I was expecting such a powerful life lesson experience…

Jumping out of the shower and singing to the dogs was how I was starting my days. I was content, and things felt in the flow. We were 19 days into the New Year, and things were certainly going my way. I had new clients and my plans for the coming year were being sorted.

I reached the bedroom and leaned over to move a bag of clothes and heard three loud cracks. Feeling a searing pain rip through my chest, I stared at the ceiling and asked. ‘what the fuck do you want with me now?’

What followed was hot tears, hadn’t I been through enough? I screamed at the same empty ceiling. Why would I expect anyone to be there? It was just a white ceiling devoid of emotion or reason.

To cut a very long story short my spine had fractured and for some freaky reasons. I spent most of the year in agony and extremely exhausted. However, bit by bit I discovered the root cause and put myself back together.

As the year came to an end I reflected that although this had been a tough year, I’d learned a lot and I was still smiling. This in comparison to some people I have spoken to who hated 2018 and enter the new year not feeling great, is a big win.

Life lesson #1 – stop or you will be stopped

In 2017 my dog pulled me over in what was a silly accident. It could have been avoided, but for some strange reason, I had wound her lead around my wrist. I was at the door opening it after a long walk, she spotted a cat and charged after it. In all of the years of her living with me, she had never done this. I equally have never flown without a plane.

I sustained a rib injury, followed by another which meant that 2017 was also fairly painful. I worked at healing that. I now know that the shingles attacks that arrived because of the trauma to the ribs are what raised prolactin, which lowered dopamine, serotonin and estrogen. No estrogen means bad news for your bones.

They call osteoporosis the silent dis-ease and it certainly crept up on me. I was stopped.

What I hadn’t banked on was the pain and changes to my body. Never in my life have I endured so much pain and for so long. Slowly I straightened my body as best I can and sorted out all kinds of other stuff.

When you are a work-a-holic as I have been and don’t heed the messages, it can come as quite a surprise to be completely halted in your tracks.

Life Lesson #2 – journal

After the first four days of being in a stupor, I decided to breathe through the pain and write. I found a brand new journal and I wrote endlessly. My journal became my bible. It was full of research, observations, how I felt and how I thought I would heal.

Life lesson #3 – ask for help

Asking for help comes in many forms. From lying on the concrete almost passing out and calling for help (2017), to asking someone to clean, do your shopping, bring in the wood to asking your divine inner wisdom and asking your Universe or God to show you what you need to see. Stop struggling and ask was a biggie. People love to help. I love to help. So opening my mouth and asking was a great thing to do for me.

Life lesson #4 – work with the right team

I love having treatments, massages, energy healing, reflexology, Bowen, acupuncture and the list goes on. I feel like a junkie because I get a high from being pampered. The results from treatments aren’t always lovely immediately, however, the net effect is usually good.

Over this year with the pain, I worked with one specialist osteopath. He was incredibly gentle and has helped me to straighten my spine and ease my pain. As a nutritionist, I have also been able to discuss my nutritional needs with him.

In addition, I worked with a naturopathic nutritionist. I am trained as one too, but I really needed her wise counsel. Another friend bombed across the mountain on her quad bike to deliver reflexology which was divine.

My doctor was incredible. He listened to my theories, noted my desires, was the voice of reason, ordered tests, read books I took in, but most importantly he believed I could heal myself. Unlike the specialist doctor I saw.

Life lesson #5 – breathe

I have worried about all kinds of things. Then I learned to breathe. When you allow panic to invade your body, it changes everything. When you learn to breathe into it and let go, things get much easier. When I feel that awful rise up through my body, I have two strategies; one is to walk, and two is to write. Walking clears the mind and you can travel through many stories until you get to the oh what the hell story. Then when you write, you can declutter the last remnants and make space for inner peace. What I notice now is that when I feel that familiar creep of panic my ribs hurt. It is a big reminder to breathe.

Life lesson #6 – changing my diet to feed my bones

You do not have to go to the extremes that I have done and studied to become a nutritional healer – again. Over the last 27 years, I have studied many nutrition courses from very scientific ones in the early days to more natural ones as the years have progressed.

Diet affects all aspects of your life. If you are not properly hydrated you are unable to think straight, nor will your body function properly. Water is such an important part of being human and we neglect it like it’s poison. Eating your diet and not one manufactured for the masses is vital. Certain foods are poison for certain people. My diet is gluten, nightshade, and a few other things free. The aim for me is to create a diet that gives me loads of energy, the fuel to repair itself, strengthens the bones, ensures that I am pain-free, hydrated, can eliminate waste efficiently and nourishes my mind, body, soul and spirit. my diet and the way that I eat is brilliant – for me.

If things aren’t working in your life and your body is crying out for some attention, please change your diet, it will change your life.

Life lesson #7 – connect with your inner muse

Writing has played a huge part in my life and personal growth. From journaling to writing books. When I log in with my inner muse as I have over many years, the downloads I get are incredible. My life has changed in many ways because of writing.

Journaling is something I recommend for all clients. Many feel that they cannot do it, but when they do directed journaling, in conjunction with listening to the muse the results are amazing. Your pen is connected to your unconscious mind, and it will tell you what you need to know.

When I write books, I get disheartened, just as you do, but when I read back what I have written after reflection, I am delighted. Clients books teach me so much and as they write they learn too.

The power of the pen is in the beautiful connection is has to your soul, your inner muse. Get connected to your inner muse she (or he) is indeed very wise.

Life lesson #8 – tap into your divine inner wisdom

Many of you reading this already know that you have all of the resources inside of you that you will ever need. The problem is that we often switch off the inner wisdom listening. The noise of the outside world confuses and overwhelms us, and so the voice is rarely heard. Then when it speaks we do not trust it.

Over this year, like no other time, I have tapped in and wow what a lot I know. You do too. I have learned that the voices in my head are there to guide me. The feelings in my gut are my intuition telling me that something is either right or not so right. Now I listen to them. In fact, I listen to all of the signals I receive.

Life lesson #9 – tell more people to f**k off

This is isn’t about being rude, it is ‘just get rid of the toxic people‘ who take up your space. You are a beautiful soul, and you deserve to be with people who nourish you and not destroy you. This is a great article from Kathy Parker called I no longer need you.

Life lesson #10 – invest

Invest in something that enriches your life. You might feel fearful that money is going out and at the moment nothing is coming in. That is fear talking. You have to invest in yourself if you expect others to invest in you. Of course, it doesn’t need to be cash it could be some other resource.

I used to hate supplements, now I supplement wisely. I’ve read over 30 books across a vast range of subjects for this healing journey. My time has been invested in learning how to heal. When I have needed treatments, I’ve gone for them. I have left no stone unturned in healing myself.

Then as I started to feel better and my energy came back, I invested in things for my business and I feel like a normal life of sorts has resumed.

Life lesson #11 – write a book

Not long after I started to journal I decided that I would write a book about healing osteoporosis. It would be my story and what I did and offer suggestions to others about how to cope, find their root cause and design a unique healing plan. This kept me focused and while I didn’t know all of the answers because I was living it as I wrote, it was an incredible experience.

Gratitude

As bizarre as it seems. I am grateful for a shit year. I learned more about me, I cleared some debris and while all is not 100% I discovered I am a resourceful, resilient, woman of courage.

There are many more life lessons that have come to me over this last year, and I may be inspired to write some more, but for now, that’s it.
What did 2018 teach you?

When you read this and wonder how you can move forward, my best advice would be to journal alongside whatever else is going on or you do. Please join me on 101 days of being me journaling adventure.

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