How To Use Self-love To Discover What You Love

by | Feb 4, 2024 | Personal Development

The journey of self-love, as I have discovers can help you cultivate a deep and lasting inner peace that stays with you despite life’s challenges and uncertainties. Yes, you will still have to dig deep when the proverbial hits the fan, but once you are connected with your heart, it seems, at least to me easier to get back in touch with what is meaningful to you.

I needed a massive kick up the bum via a big wake-up call to start thinking about loving myself. However, as I developed more self-love, I was able to build my self-worth, and confidence. As a bonus I became more resilient in facing life’s challenges and found inner peace.

Like me, you can, instead of being overwhelmed by difficult situations, approach them with a sense of inner peace, resilience and strength. This can help you to maintain your focus, stay positive, and continue moving forward, even when things get tough. And laughing at adversity once the swearing and tears are over is also helpful.

At the start of this journey, it is important to acknowledge that you are worthy of love and respect. This can be challenging, particularly if you have experienced trauma, emotional abuse, or a lack of love and validation. However, overcoming these obstacles and cultivating a sense of self-worth independent of external factors is possible.

It is a journey that requires patience, determination, and a willingness to explore the depths of your soul. This journey is not for the faint-hearted. It demands patience, unwavering determination, and a deep-seated curiosity to delve into the very essence of your being.

The initial step on this path is to embrace a fundamental truth: you are inherently deserving of love and respect.

In the process of cultivating self-love, it is important to engage in activities that nurture your soul and spark joy. Joy lives in the heart and if you know about the chakras you will know that this is a big part of connecting with the energy centre. And if you don’t…

The heart chakra, known in Sanskrit as “Anahata,” is one of the seven primary chakras or energy centres within the body, according to ancient Hindu and yogic traditions. It is associated with love, compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. The heart chakra acts as the centre of connection, embodying the bridge between our physical and spiritual selves and the nexus between the lower chakras (associated with material existence) and the upper chakras (associated with spiritual consciousness).

You might start by rediscovering old hobbies that you lost touch with or exploring new interests that ignite your curiosity. The key is to give yourself the freedom and space to experiment and find what makes you feel good.

I learned more about nutrition because eating well and looking after yourself is an act of self-love.

I think practising self-compassion is a cornerstone of this journey. It involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend – how often do we do that? This means forgiving yourself for past mistakes, celebrating your successes, no matter how small, and acknowledging your growth and progress. Yep, all tough ones!

Self-love is a journey without a destination. There will be setbacks and victories, moments of doubt, and bursts of clarity. Through it all, self-love reveals passions, a sense of purpose and empowers you to live a life that is authentically and uniquely yours. It feels to me like putting myself back in the drivers’ seat.

When you embrace self-love, you unlock the door to discovering what you truly love. Or at least that’s how it works for me because I am honouring myself.

Self-Love And A Worry-Free Mind

Is there such a thing as a worry free mind? I wonder… I believe that the practise of can lead to a state of inner tranquility—a place where actions stem from being rather than doing. We don’t travel there physically, although I believe we do mentally, emotionally and in our hearts. It’s more that when we practice things like contemplation, meditation, musing, stillness, kindness, compassion, gratitude, letting go, walking in nature and journaling, we find and maintain inner peace.

The key to nurturing self-love and diminishing worries lies in releasing our preoccupations with the future and our constant rehashing of the past. I get that it’s natural to feel anxious about what lies ahead, yet it’s possible to reshape our perspective on our past experiences and reduce our worries about the unforeseeable future. I always see the past as a place to reflect on, but not a place to linger. It hasn’t always been that way.

Many of us know Bronnie Wares’ research and book about the regrets of the dying. Recently I discovered a new name Dr Karl Pillemer who, among other things, has researched ageing and regrets. And guess what one of the regrets is? I wish I had worried less.

Self-love brings inner peace, which is rooted in accepting and appreciating the present moment, embracing where we are right now. Loving where we are and who we are and not worry about other people’s expectations or judgements.

While stress and anxiety may still visit us, their grip loosens in the presence of self-love and inner peace. My biggest discovery was that I was the love I was looking for and that tranquility is in me

Inner peace comes when you choose how you want to be and let go of what does not serve you. If you can find a way to accept who you are and love yourself and all of your foibles, you will waste less time worrying about what you cannot control and enjoy more of the present moment. All you have to remember is that the teacher is in you.

Do What You Love

I think that when we stop, let go in whatever way works for you and enjoy those moments of inner peace, we can discover what we love – our heart’s desires. So when I switched off my monkey mind, focused on my strengths, I knew that creating content-rich journals was my thing. I love writing, and working through processes and this is a way to creatively express myself.

The point is many of us lack confidence and self-worth that stems from a lack of self-love, which stops us doing what we love. We listen to others instead of listening to the quiet voice within. Love yourself and do what feeds your heart.

What you want might be bigger than creating journals. You may want to discover your soul’s purpose and know how to pursue it. You are not alone in wondering. Many people struggle with finding their passion and purpose and living a meaningful life. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Learn To Love Yourself, Own Your Worth And Build Self-Confidence

Start by recognising that you are worthy of love and respect simply because you exist. You don’t need to earn it or prove it to anyone. Start by accepting and embracing your flaws and imperfections as a unique part of who you are. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love and accept yourself daily.

Practice kindness and self-compassion. Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend. Be kind and patient with yourself, especially when you make mistakes. And when you do make mistakes, because we all do, watch that self-talk stuff – those horrible words can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Ok, there’s a lot more to this self-love, self-worth and confidence malarky, but start, as I said, by being a good friend to yourself.

A good friend would tell you to go for it!

Identify Your Values And Interests

What are the things that matter most to you in life? What are your values and why? What are the things that bring you joy and satisfaction? Write them down and rank them in order of importance. This will help you clarify your priorities and goals. You do have goals, don’t you… I use the Wheel Of Life Workbook to help me with my goals and making sure they are aligned with my values.

Explore Your Options And Opportunities

Once you have a list of your values and interests, look for ways to incorporate them into your daily life. Be curious, explore and experiment. You can do this by taking online courses, joining clubs or groups, volunteering, reading books, watching videos, or anything else that sparks your curiosity and creativity. I will confess I once went mad and bought lots of art stuff, which my mum now has – lucky mum.

Experiment And Learn

Building on the previous point, don’t be afraid to try new things, get out of your comfort zone and learn from your experiences. Does anyone want a load of mandala and dog paintings? You may discover new talents or passions that you didn’t know you had. You may also find out what you don’t like or what doesn’t work for you (yes, indeed). Either way, you will gain valuable insights and skills to help you grow and find what you love.

Commit And Persist

Doing what you love is not always easy or convenient. You may face challenges, obstacles, or criticism from others or yourself. Yep, been there, and those unkind words did stop me in my tracks, but not anymore. You may also have doubts, fears, or frustrations along the way. For example, I used to sew and once was making an all-in-one, which didn’t go to plan, and in my frustration, I chopped it into many pieces. My poor mum was left picking up the pieces of her broken daughter. It was my weekend outfit, and it was ruined.

But don’t give up on your dreams. Remember why you started and how far you have come. Keep working hard and smart, and celebrate your achievements. I didn’t give up on sewing and, for many years, designed and created a lot of outfits that my dad would sigh at. In fact, the more I sewed, the more confident I became.

Enjoy And Appreciate

Doing what you love is not just a means to an end. It can be a great source of happiness and fulfilment that no one can take away from you. I love the journal process and have a few more to complete, funnily enough all about self-love. So enjoy the process and appreciate the results. Be grateful for the opportunities and resources that you have, and share your gifts and talents with others.


Whatever you do, celebrate all of the steps of your journey to self-love and discovering what you love. After writing and creativity what brings me joy is so simple, cake and a cuppa and hopefully a cuddle with the doggies.

By finding self-love, you make space for what you love which will bring inner peace. But first, you have to stop and perhaps let go of some stuff.

Here Are A Few Other Things To Mull Over

Let me know what resonates. Grab your journal and explore…

  • Some dreams, goals and heart’s desires simply seem too big to achieve. Perhaps you think it’s too late. Try breaking what you want down into small steps or stages. List the steps and keep it simple.
  • There are many people of all ages going after their heart’s desires. Many have faced decades of disappointment and unfulfilled lives. They discovered later in life that they have the resilience, experience, and self-knowledge to pursue their passion and purpose. Think Louise Hay or JK Rowling… Age is not a barrier. Start today and go after what you want. Do what you love!
  • Let go of regrets. As you get older, you don’t want to be filled with regret because you didn’t try to do the things you loved or attempt to obtain what you longed to do in life. I, for one, don’t want to leave without doing stuff that brings me a sense purpose and meaning . Look at your book of regrets and pick one thing that you want to let go of. Then start your next adventure today.
  • Being remembered well. Following your dreams and heart’s desires and doing what you love influences the mark you leave on the world and how you will be remembered. We cannot force legacy on others, but how we live our lives will shape how we are remembered. How do you want to be remembered?
  • Just take one step. Any aligned step you take towards your dream and heart’s desire gets you closer to success. Many believe it’s too late to follow their dreams because they would be taking a step backwards. In reality, the past is a place of reference, and right now is the best time to become and be. What is your next aligned step to being able to manifest your heart’s desire and do what you love?
  • Ask for support. Other people will help and encourage you on your journey if you let them know that this is your way forward. Look out for those people who will support you as you become the best version of yourself. And I am sure you will make new friends along the way. Who is on your A-team?

All you need to remember is that you are never too old to go towards your heart’s desires and to do what you love. All you have to do is stop, be in the moment, then decide what you want, let your heart open and take action to go after it.

If you are ready to stop and find what you most desire, please join me in on the journey to self-love.

Let your journal be a mirror reflecting your true self, unfiltered and raw, capturing the essence of your journey through life.

Dale Darley